


Head Over Tattered Sneakers

by CelticGrace



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Biotic Shepard, Bullying, Earthborn (Mass Effect), F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-05
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2018-02-24 06:21:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 49
Words: 74,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2571317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelticGrace/pseuds/CelticGrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An orphan, runaway, and gang member before her fifth birthday, biotic Rebekah ‘Bex’ Shepard finds herself on the wrong side of the Tenth Street Reds after she botches a break-in.  Helped along by the man she’d been sent to rob, Zaeed Massani, Bex soon finds herself becoming a founding member of another gang - the Blue Suns.  </p><p>Betrayed and left for dead a second time, Bex and Zaeed get help from an unlikely source and go on the run, but find there’s nowhere they can hide to escape the wrath and taunting of Vido Santiago. Still, they manage to live a (relatively) normal life, for awhile.</p><p>Bex’s luck finally runs out and she is forced into the Biotic and Temperance Training program on Jump Zero, where she meets and befriends Kaidan Alenko.  When Kaidan is let go from the program 18 months later, Bex smuggles herself back to Earth, and back to life with Zaeed.</p><p>Years later, Bex once again winds up on the wrong side of the law and is given a choice: she can rot in a prison cell or join the Alliance.  Despite her life-long mistrust of the Alliance, she knows she’s got a better chance of survival in the military than in prison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Bioware owns the Mass Effect universe and all characters within. If you don't recognize a character, it's probably mine.
> 
> Beta: the wondrous and brilliant pixelatrix
> 
> Written for NaNoWriMo 2014. Posting as chapters are completed and polished, hoping that this will drive me to finish it.  
> More tags will likely be added as I think of them/as the story progresses.

Zaeed Massani wasn't overly fond of most children, but at the moment, he downright despised the lot of them. He'd been woken from an already-restless sleep by four of the little buggers breaking into his flat. Three of them, all boys in their early teens, were currently cleaning out his safe and gun locker. The fourth, a little blond girl who couldn't have been more than five or six, had been left to _guard_ him. He would have found the situation laughable, except the little half-pint was a biotic, and he was currently caught in a powerful stasis field.

He was surprised when she dropped the field after only a couple of minutes, whispered “I'm... I didn' want... I'm sorry,” and bolted for the front door. He quickly shook his limbs and cracked his neck before he retrieved a pistol, hidden in a secret panel of the liquor cabinet.

“All right you little tossers,” he growled as he walked into his office. “I'm giving you until the count of three to drop everything and get the hell out of my flat.”

The oldest and biggest of the boys, only an inch or two shorter than Zaeed, turned and took two steps toward him. “And what'll you do if we decide to stay, old man?”

Zaeed rolled his eyes and closed the distance between them before he violently headbutted the bastard. The other two quickly dropped what they were holding and ran, leaving their fallen _leader_ crumpled on the floor.

_Bloody kids._

Zaeed pulled the kid to his feet and chucked him out of the office window onto the fire escape landing. It would give him a good scare when he regained consciousness, and if he happened to fall, no real harm done, falling from one floor up.

A sharp knock on the front door a few minutes later roused Zaeed from checking his gun inventory.

_Now what?_

Looking at the security monitor, he muttered a string of curses before opening the door.

“Evening, officers,” he said as cordially as possible to the two uniforms standing in the hallway. He didn't need the cops on his case, not right now. “Anything I can do for you?”

“Do you live here, sir?” one of the officers asked. “Couple of kids just came into the station, claiming some tattooed guy broke into their place, brandishing a pistol. They said he knocked out their older brother and their little sister is missing.”

_Clever little bastards._

Zaeed sighed deeply before replying. “Actually, officer, the whole lot of them, _little sister_ too, broke in here and were clearing out my goddamn safe. Yeah, the girl ran off, but she did that all on her own, and yeah I knocked out the ringleader. But if those four are siblings, I'm the bloody King of France.”

“Can we see some ID, sir?”

Zaeed grudgingly stepped back to let the two men into his flat and went to find his omni-tool.

Satisfied he was telling the truth about the night's events, one of the offers asked, “Where is the eldest boy, the one you _attacked_?”

Zaeed led them to the office and showed them the teen who was still lying unconscious on the fire escape.

“Would you like to press charges, sir?”

Zaeed scoffed. “Are you bloody joking? Getting this lot locked up will only lead to more trouble for me.”

“How so?”

He hesitated. He knew the kids were part of the 10th Street Reds and had targeted him specifically, though he didn't really know why. But he'd seen the little girl hanging around his building the last few days, and even caught a glimpse of her following him once or twice.

“Sir?”

“Never bloody mind,” Zaeed said gruffly. “You think it'll stop the little shits or their friends, then take this one in.”

The officers nodded and went to the balcony to drag in the punk, who was just coming around.

“Wha– oh I'm gonna kill that little bitch,” he muttered to himself before he looked up and saw the three men looking at him. He turned and glared at Zaeed. “You fucking attacked me, jackass!”

“And you broke into my apartment,” Zaeed retorted. “I warned you to get the hell out.”

The officers thankfully chose that moment to drag their _prisoner_ away, leaving Zaeed alone. He glanced at the clock. 04:30. Too late to go back to bed but too bloody early to do much of anything else.

He glance curiously at his omni-tool when it beeped with an incoming message.

> _Saw your lights on and the police leaving just now. Not another break-in I hope. Come over and have a cup of tea before I open the bakery. – Helen_

Zaeed smiled. Helen, Mrs. Chapman to everyone but a select few, was his elderly next-door neighbor and owner of the bakery across the street. He'd moved into the building just after the war, when he'd been discharged from the Alliance military without so much as a _thank you for your service_. Not long after, Helen's husband Rupert had died. When she'd returned from the funeral, she'd found Zaeed wrestling with a would-be thief who'd meant to break in to the Chapman's flat and mistakenly tried his. A week later, another thief had succeeded where the first had failed, though Helen had thankfully still been at her bakery at the time. After that, Zaeed had taken it upon himself to look in on her every day.

“Children?” she asked incredulously when he told her what had happened. “Why... who on Earth would use _children_ to break in to someone's home?”

“They're street urchins, Helen,” Zaeed said, taking a scone from the plate she offered. “They do whatever they have to in order to live.”

“Poor dears. I've seen some who hang around the bakery, and I've tried to offer them bread, but they shy away.”

“Trust is hard to come by on the streets,” Zaeed said. “You trust the wrong person and you end up dead.”

Helen frowned. “You sound as if you're speaking from experience.”

He nodded slowly. “I never knew my parents, grew up here, on the streets of London.”

“Poor dear,” she said, patting his hand. “You seem to have done well for yourself since.”

“Suppose I have.” He glanced at the time. “Shi– damn. Thank you for breakfast, Helen, but I'll be late if I stay any longer.”

He walked into his own flat again and found someone sitting in his living room.

“How the bloody hell do you keep getting into my flat, Vido?” he asked the man reclining on the couch as if he owned the damn place.

“You make it _so_ easy, Zaeed,” Vido Santiago said with a smirk. “You continuously change your code to variations on the day the Alliance chucked you out. Someone's bound to notice the pattern.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes. “All right, different bloody question. Why are you here?”

“Business proposition for you. Equal partners leading a company of mercenaries.”

“Are you honestly trying to _class up_ the definition of a goddamn _gang_?”

Vido smirked. “Gang sounds so... _childish_.”

Zaeed groaned. “You heard about the break-in. How?”

“Drunk tank.” Vido shrugged. “Heard the whole fake story those two punks cooked up. Guess that backfired on them?”

“Aye.”

“Well?”

Zaeed frowned. “Well what?”

“What d'you think of my idea?”

“Give me the day to think about it.”

“Fair enough. Should I come by tonight?”

Zaeed rolled his eyes. “Fine. Now, get out. I've got a moron to stalk and capture.”

“Oh? New contract?”

“No, just thought I'd go out and randomly cuff a guy, just for the hell of it.” Zaeed rolled his eyes. “Idiot.”

“Christ. Someone got up on the wrong side of the bed.”

Zaeed glared at Vido and shoved him toward the front door. “Get. Out.”

“Just think about it, okay?”

For the moment, Zaeed had no room to think about anything but the habitual bail-jumper he'd been contracted to bring in, for the fourth time in as many months. The man had gotten crafty with avoidance tactics and Zaeed found he was having to work harder to capture him each time.

Finally, late that night, the bail-jumper was back in custody, for the time being, and Zaeed started seriously considering Vido's offer. As he walked toward his building, however, two things drove every other thought from his mind.

The first was an anonymous message on his omni-tool:

> _left you a gift. hope you like it._

The second was the sight of the little biotic girl from the break-in, beaten and unconscious, chained upside down to the busted light post across from his building.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos & comment :)

Whoever had trussed up the girl definitely knew what the hell they were doing. It took Zaeed nearly fifteen minutes to free her. After checking to see that she was in fact only unconscious and not _dead_ , he took her to a friend who ran a small private clinic on the other side of the city. He had a long-standing mistrust of larger hospitals, and Noah Payne's clinic was well outside the Reds' territory.

“What is it with you and damsels in distress?” Noah said with a smirk while he checked the girl over.

“Shut it,” Zaeed growled. “So, is she gonna be all right?”

Noah shrugged. “She'll likely be extremely sore for awhile, probably have a few scars, but she should be fine. I don't see anything life-threatening. Where'd you find her?”

“She was left outside my building, a _gift_ from the Reds for getting one 'em locked up.” Zaeed shook his head sadly. “I told those damn cops no good would come from taking that bastard.”

“They beat up a little kid because of you?” Noah asked incredulously.

“Pretty much. Guess a bit had to do with her running off in the middle of the job.”

“What job?”

Zaeed told him about the break-in and her role in it. “It was pretty goddamn obvious she wasn't there by choice. Probably the only biotic the Reds had. Functioning biotics are pretty rare.”

Noah raised an eyebrow. “Had?”

Zaeed shook his head. “Don't be thick, Noah. This wasn't just a goddamn punishment. This was her being jumped out.” He gently picked up the girl's left arm and turned it over so her wrist was facing up. “See this burn? Up until a few hours ago, that was a gang tattoo.”

“How d'you know all this? You weren't _there_ were you?”

“No, I...” Zaeed sighed rolled up his left sleeve, revealing a similar, albeit faded burn on his own arm.

“The Reds?”

“No, a gang Vido and I ran with when we were kids. Doesn't exist now, far as I know.”

“What'd you do to get... what'd you call it, _jumped out_?”

Zaeed shrugged. “They found out I was _thinking about_ joining the Alliance when I came of age. Vido too.”

“Shit. Whatever happened to Vido, anyway? I haven't seen him since the end of the war.”

“He's still around, doing odd jobs. Working as a bouncer now I think. Never took to bounty hunting, said it was too much work.” Zaeed looked at the clock on the wall. “Damn. I was supposed to meet him at my place hours ago. He wanted to talk about starting up what he described as a _company of mercenaries_.”

“What, and he thinks _that_ won't be a ton of work?” Noah shook his head. “Look, if you want to go, the girl will be fine to stay here.”

“Nah, I'll catch him later. I don't want to leave her alone.”

Noah shrugged. “Suit yourself. Take the couch in my office if you like. I'll check on her in a few hours.”

Zaeed nodded and settled in for a few hours' sleep. It felt like he'd only just closed his eyes when he was being shaken awake again.

“The kid's gone,” Noah said. “I came down to check on her and she was just... gone.”

Zaeed was on his feet in an instant and running for the door. “I've gotta find her.”

It wasn't until he stepped out into the freezing temperatures that he realized he'd left without his leather jacket. He went back and searched, only to realize the girl had taken it.

_Smart kid. At least she'll be warm._

He knew that, as badly beaten as she'd been, it wasn't likely she could have gotten very far even with a few hours' head start. But there was no sign of her in any of the alleys within a mile's radius of the clinic.

Zaeed was just starting to question why he even _cared_ , when he heard the sounds of someone yelling nearby. He ran up the street to the nearby playground and stopped. The ringleader from the break-in, sporting a black eye and a broken nose, was with a man about Zaeed's age. Both of them were leaning against the side of a little play castle at the back of the playground, yelling at someone inside.

The inside of the castle suddenly lit up and the boy went flying back and hit the brick wall a few feet away. He got up and ran back, but the man held out a hand to stop him.

“I'll handle this myself, Devin.” The man pulled out a pistol. “You so much as think about glowing again, girlie, and you're gonna bloody regret it. Let's go.”

Zaeed stepped up behind him and pressed his own pistol between the man's shoulder blades. “Walk away.”

“This is none of your business, mate,” the man growled. “Get lost.”

“Your boy here _made_ it my business when he broke into my flat,” Zaeed said, increasing the pressure of his gun on the man's back. “I won't say it again: Walk. Away.”

“That's him, Pike,” the boy said, coming up to stand beside the castle but as far from Zaeed as possible. “That's the one that attacked me.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes. “You really are just a one-trick pony, aren't you?”

“You want to end up on the business end of a beating like Bex got, keep talking,” Pike said, daring to glance back at Zaeed. “Otherwise...”

“Otherwise nothing,” Zaeed retorted. “You beat up a _child_. Hell, you sent a child to do your goddamn dirty work. What the bloody hell d'you think she was gonna do?”

“Her job. This lot don't eat for free, y'know.”

The inside of the castle glowed again and both Pike and Devin flew backward, with more force this time, and hit the brick wall with a sickening crunch, then slid down the wall and lay in a heap on the ground.

Zaeed holstered his pistol and crouched in the doorway of the castle, holding his hands up in surrender. “You all right, kid?” he asked, spotting the girl curled up in the corner, his jacket wrapped around her like a blanket. She shied away from him when he slowly held a hand out to her. “I'm not gonna hurt you.”

“Sorry I took your jacket,” she mumbled, still not daring to move.

He shrugged. “Looks like you needed it. Come on, let me take you someplace warm.”

She shook her head. “'S better by myself.”

“You're hurt, kid. You need food and an actual bed to sleep in, even for a few days 'til you heal up.”

She shook her head again.

“Can I at least buy you breakfast? Whatever you want.”

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “Why would you do that?”

Zaeed rolled up his sleeve again and showed her the scar on his arm. “I've been where you are, kid. I know what it's like.”

She hesitated a long moment before she finally nodded. Ignoring the hand he still held out to her, she slowly crawled out of the castle and stood on wobbly legs, leaning against the wall for support.

Zaeed frowned. “How long has it been since you've eaten?”

She shrugged. “Long enough I shouldn' done that,” she said, waving a hand toward Devin and Pike, who stirred slightly.

“We should get out of here before they wake up.” Zaeed held a hand out to her again. “I'm Zaeed, by the way.”

“I'm uh... Bex.” She stared up at him blankly for a moment before she tentatively put her hand in his. “So where we goin'?”

“You like scones? My next-door neighbor owns a bakery.”

“But...” She shivered and he didn't think it was from the cold. “I'll get in trouble if I go back.”

“You'll be safe with me, Bex.”

She stared up at him, her blue eyes opened wide. “That's what Pike said the day I met him.”

“People sometimes lie,” Zaeed said soberly. “But I guess you've figured that out on your own.”

“Known it since I was three,” she said quietly, looking down at her feet.

“What happened when you were three?”

She shook her head slightly and didn't answer. Instead, she asked, “How do I know _you're_ not lying, that you're not jus' sayin' all this to get me to go back to the Reds?”

He crouched down in front of her. “You have no reason to trust me, but have I given you a reason _not_ to?”

She shrugged. “Guess not. Yet.”

“Fair enough. I'm guessing though, if you didn't trust me a little bit, I'd be over there withthose two, right?”

“Yeah.” She shivered again as she glanced over at Pike and Devin, then looked back up at Zaeed, a determined look on her face. “Okay. Let's go.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos & comment :)

While Helen Chapman fussed and worried over Bex, stuffing her full of scones and hot tea, Zaeed stepped outside to call Vido.

“If you don't want to do it, you could have just said so,” Vido said, sounding slightly put out.

Zaeed rolled his eyes. “Never said I didn't _want_ to, I said I'd have to think about it. It's... you don't just _start up a company_ on a goddamn whim!”

“Still could have called.”

“Will you quit pouting like a damn child? Christ.” Zaeed shook his head. “I'd been all set to call, but there were... complications.”

“Oh?”

He told Vido everything that had happened in the last twelve hours.

“Noah's right. You _do_ have a thing for damsels in distress.”

“She's not…”

“Why the hell do you even care about this kid?”

Zaeed shrugged. “She reminds me of me... us... when we were kids.”

“In what way exactly? We're not tiny, female, or biotic.”

“Still got goddamn bullied though.”

Vido scoffed. “So? That's not new, not in gang life or otherwise.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “Still, she could be _useful_ to us.”

“If, and that's a big goddamn _if_ , we do this merc thing, and she's still around,” Zaeed growled. “You leave her out of it. She's not yours to…”

“She's not yours either, Zaeed, in case you've forgotten.”

Before he could respond, Helen came running out of the bakery, carrying his leather jacket. “Your little friend is gone.”

“How many times am I going to hear that today?” he muttered. “What happened, Helen?”

She looked warily at Vido's image on Zaeed's omni-tool a moment before continuing. “I turned my back for just a moment, to look for a jar of marmalade, and when I turned back, she'd disappeared.”

“Problem solved, then,” Vido said cheerfully.

“Not by a bloody long shot,” Zaeed snapped and closed the connection. He turned back to Helen, who was pursing her lips in disapproval. She hated cursing any stronger than the occasional _hell_ or _damn_. “Sorry. I've gotta go. I have to...”

“You must find that child and bring her back,” Helen said firmly. “She looked like she hadn't eaten in about a week.”

“I'll try. It likely won't be easy. She's a stubborn one, even by street standards.”

“She seems to trust you, Zaeed.”

He shrugged. “A bit, but only enough to get her what she needed. As you said, she hadn't eaten for awhile. And she really only agreed to breakfast, didn't want anything else.”

“She's so young to be all alone,” Helen said, shaking her head sadly. “And those bruises!”

“I know.” Even as Helen kissed him on the cheek and made him promise once more that he'd bring Bex around when he found her, Zaeed wondered yet again just why the hell he was bothering with this kid. She'd really been nothing but trouble since the moment they'd met. He should have just left her to fend for herself, but something was nagging at him, propelling him to keep searching for her, no matter how many times she ran from him.

He stopped walking after awhile and leaned against the side of a building to light a cigarette and think. It wasn't exactly like he'd told Bex, about him knowing what it was like, though he absolutely did. But there were tons of kids out there who were all on their own and did just fucking fine. So why did he give a shit about this one?

He _knew_ bloody well why he cared. It was because she reminded him of his own little Olivia. She would have been about Bex's age now.

_Would have been._

He dropped the cigarette and ground it out with the heel of his boot. It had been awhile since he'd thought about his daughter's death. She'd only been three years old when her mother's junkie neighbor had thrown her down two flights of stairs, claiming he'd been so high he'd thought she was a cat.

The bastard had been killed not a week after he was sent to prison.

Zaeed had been fighting in the war when Olivia had died. He hadn't been able to do a bloody thing to save her, hadn't _known_ what kind of place her mother had had her living in. But he _could_ do something for Bex and he'd be damned if he was going to let anything happen to her.

He was brought out of his thoughts instantly as he heard a gunshot nearby. A moment later, he heard another just as a bullet pierced the brick beside his left ear. He quickly ducked into the closest alley and crouched down against the wall.

“It's the Reds.”

He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Bex's voice close by. He looked around and spotted her sitting with her back up against a nearby dumpster.

“How d'you know it's the Reds?” he asked, coming over to sit beside her while keeping a wary eye on the mouth of the alley.

“Who else would be shooting at either of us?”

Zaeed stifled a laugh. “Dunno about you, half-pint, but I've got a list a mile long of guys who want me dead.”

“It's the Reds,” Bex repeated firmly. “Pike don't like you _interferrin'_ and I'm just... too much trouble.”

He knew she was probably right. He doubted she could have acquired _that_ many enemies in her young life, and most of his were, hopefully, in prison.

“So what happens now?” she asked, the slightest flicker of fear in her voice.

“First of all, you're coming with me.”

He expected her to fight against it, like she'd done before at the playground, but she simply nodded once and said, “Okay.”

“Can't stay here, that's for goddamn sure. I think we can hide out at Noah's place for a couple of days.” He looked down at her. “You have any... anything you want to take with you?”

“Ev'rythin' I have is here,” she said quietly, putting a hand on a blue flowered backpack beside her. “'S where I went, why I left the bakery. I was gonna... run.”

Zaeed raised an eyebrow. “On your own?”

“Seemed... safer that way.”

“Safer for who?”

“You.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comment, kudos & bookmark :)

“Have you thought this through?” Noah asked, pouring drinks for himself and Zaeed. The two men sat at the small kitchen table in Noah's flat, waiting for Vido to show up. He glanced out to the living room where Bex slept curled up in a chair. “Are you really ready to take on the responsibilities of essentially being a parent?”

“I've done it before, Noah.”

The doctor sighed. “Yes, but...”

“But nothing,” Zaeed growled. “Just because I never actually got to _be_ a parent to Olivia doesn't mean I wasn't prepared for it.”

The buzzer sounding at the front door prevented Noah from responding. He got up to let Vido in and the two men returned a moment later, speaking in hushed tones.

Zaeed rolled his eyes. “If you've got something to say, just come out and bloody say it!”

“Fine.” Vido sat across from him. “You're a fucking idiot.”

“No one said you had to come along for the ride,” Zaeed retorted.

“Actually, we're _both_ going with you,” Noah said, leaning up against the counter with his arms crossed.

Vido and Zaeed looked at each other and then up at him.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Zaeed asked.

“If you two intend to do this whole mercenary thing, you're going to need a doctor, if for nothing else than patching up you two clowns when you decide to fight _each other_.”

Vido shrugged. “Seems reasonable to me. Zaeed?”

“I've got no problem with him,” Zaeed said, nodding toward their host before turning serious eyes on Vido. “You on the other hand...”

“What the hell did I do?”

“Nothing, yet. Just worried about you taking advantage of Bex.”

Vido narrowed his eyes. “Excuse me?”

“Not like _that_ ,” Zaeed snapped, barely resisting the urge to reach across the table and slap him. “But I see your eyes light up every time she's mentioned, thinking about the possibility of having a biotic around.”

“I'll say it again, Zaeed: she's not your kid. If she wants to do something, you can't stop her.”

“And if she _doesn't_ , you can't make her.”

Noah rolled his eyes. “Can I ask how the hell you two are supposed to work as partners in this thing? You're damn close to killing each other right now and it's still in the  _talking_ phase. What the hell are you going to do when there's an actual conflict somewhere down the road?”

Zaeed gestured to him. “The man has a point. Vido?”

Vido shrugged. “We'll work it out, same as we've always done.”

“Same as we've always done?” Zaeed shook his head. “Working out when to move on to a different city when we were kids is not the same as a disagreement within a goddamn company!”

“We'll be fine,” Vido said, waving his hand dismissively.

* * *

> _From: Zaeed Massani_
> 
> _To: Helen Chapman_
> 
> _Subj: re: Are You Alright?_
> 
> _I ran into a complication of the bullet variety while I was out looking for Bex. We're both safe. We stopped by for two seconds earlier so I could pack. We're not going to be coming back. I won't tell you where we're going, just in case, but we're leaving London. No way to avoid it._
> 
> _Thanks for all you've done, Helen. Stay safe._
> 
> _-Zaeed_
> 
> _PS: Bex says thanks for the scones._

 

* * *

It took very little to convince Bex that leaving London was for the best;  she was eager to get as far away from the Reds as soon as possible. Convincing Vido and Noah was a different matter entirely. 

“Why the hell would we want to leave?” Vido asked. “There's plenty of work here.”

“There's not, actually,” Zaeed said. “We'd be a lot better off away from Earth, even outside of the system.”

“You're a bloody lunatic,” Noah said. “I get wanting to leave London. But why not just try someplace on the continent first, before you decide to leave the damn planet!”

“Pike and his boys aren't going to stop until they know both of us are dead.”

“So? They're a local gang. They're not gonna stray all that far outside of London.”

“Pike will,” a quiet voice from the doorway.

The three men looked around to see a bleary-eyed Bex leaning against the door frame. With Zaeed's jacket around her shoulders, she looked even smaller than she already was.

“Who the hell is Pike?” Vido asked.

“He's a bloody jackass who doesn't take no for an answer,” Zaeed growled.

Bex nodded. “Yeah.”

Noah frowned. “What makes you think he won't stay in London?”

“I... I'm not from here,” she said after several minutes of intently studying a cracked tile on the floor. “I used to live in Vancouver. Pike found me on the street when he was there lookin' for one of the kids who'd run off... I dunno what he did, but Pike killed him for it.”

“He killed a kid? How old?”

“Dunno. Older than me 's all I know, but not much.”

“And you were there?” Vido asked. “You saw it happen?”

She nodded again. Zaeed saw a haunted look briefly pass over her face as she glanced in his direction.

He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at the others. “Well?”

Noah conceded with a shrug and said nothing.

Vido wasn't so easily convinced. “So, you want to let a kid we don't even know decide where we set up?”

“Do you trust me?” Zaeed asked.

“About most things, sure. But it's so obvious you're just using this kid as a replacement for Olivia.”

This time Zaeed didn't hold back, reached across the table and punched Vido square in the jaw. He braced for a return hit, but it never came. Instead, he held back a laugh at the looks of surprise on Vido and Noah's faces as Bex held Vido in stasis, his arm raised and fist clenched.

“Stop fighting,” she said, looking each of them in the eye in turn. She released Vido and sagged back against the wall a moment before she stalked back into the living room and curled up in the chair again.

“Let's get one thing goddamn straight,” Zaeed growled, glaring at Vido. “No one will _ever_ replace Olivia.”

Vido shrugged. “So you say. Still looks that way.”

Zaeed clenched and unclenched his fists a few times, itching to punch the bastard again. Instead, he got up from the table. “We're leaving,” he said as he stood in the doorway. He glanced at Vido again. “Call me when you're ready to talk without bringing up the goddamn past.”

Vido grunted in response.

“Where are you going?” Noah asked.

Zaeed shook his head. “Dunno yet. But I'll keep an eye out for good locations for a base of operations, wherever we end up.”

“Good luck.”

He walked into the living room and found Bex already waiting by the front door, backpack in hand, his duffel at her feet. Neither of them spoke until they were in a shuttle bound for the spaceport.

“I don' like him, don' trust him,” she said quietly. “The big mean one.”

“Smart girl.”

“Why d'you want to do anything with him? All you do is fight.”

Zaeed sighed. “At this point, I'm not sure of that myself.”

“Why's he think I'm gonna replace –” She frowned. “Who's Olivia?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos & comments :)

> _From: Noah Payne_
> 
> _To: Zaeed Massani_
> 
> _Subj: re: Found a Place_
> 
> _Omega sounds perfect. We'll be there in a couple of days then._
> 
> _How's the kid doing? Haven't seen any of the Reds near the clinic, not surprising since this isn't their turf. But Vido said he thought he saw a couple of 'em hanging around your apartment._
> 
> _He also got smacked by your neighbor. She didn't believe him when he said he wasn't there to cause trouble, just to pick up the rest of your stuff. Apparently, she didn't like the look of him the day she saw him on your vid-chat._
> 
> _Anyway, like I said, we'll be out in a couple of days. I still think it's a mistake, you two going into business together, but you're both so damn stubborn, I know there's no talking you out of it._
> 
> _-Noah_

* * *

It had been years since Zaeed had slept soundly, and recent events had put him more on edge than ever. So when his door suddenly slid open at 01:00 the first night after Noah and Vido arrived on Omega, he was instantly awake. He silently retrieved the pistol he kept under his pillow and waited for the intruder to make his appearance.

He was startled when, instead of the assassin he'd been expecting, Bex softly padded into the room, dragging a blanket behind her. He quickly put the gun back under his pillow, though she wasn't looking in his direction, instead staring at a point in the corner of the room.

After a couple of minutes of standing stock still in the middle of the room, she walked over to the chair in the corner and curled up in it, pulling the blanket around her so only a small pouf of blond hair was visible over the top. Moments later, he heard her snoring softly.

She was still curled up in the chair, in exactly the same position, when Zaeed woke a few hours later. He carefully scooped her up in his arms and walked back to her room. He was surprised to see that, aside from the blanket she was wrapped in, her bed hadn't been disturbed at all. So where the hell had she been before she'd come into his room?

He didn't say anything about her nighttime wandering until it happened four nights in a row and curiosity got the better of him.

“Are you sleeping all right?” he asked casually one morning over breakfast.

She nodded and gave him a small smile, though he noticed she wasn't eating, only pushing her food around her plate.

He wondered if she'd even tell him if something was wrong. She never revealed more of herself than she thought she needed to in any given situation. And the longest conversation they'd had thus far had been when they'd talked about Vido, and eventually Olivia, the day they'd left London. All he really knew about her was that she really was six (“six and a half” she'd insisted). He didn't even know her real name.

“You know you can talk to me, if anything's bothering you.”

She nodded again and opened her mouth to say something but quickly clamped it shut again as Vido walked into the kitchen. As he sat down with a cup of coffee, she got up and ran from the room.

He raised an eyebrow. “Did I do something to antagonize her?”

Zaeed shook his head. “Lately? No bloody clue. I know she doesn't like you, but I feel the same way most days myself, so I'm not gonna fault her for that.”

“Thanks, just what I wanted to hear first thing in the morning.”

Zaeed ignored him and got up to grab an energy bar from the cabinet before he went to Bex's room. He found her sitting in the far corner, wrapped in her blanket and flipping through channels on her small TV.

He sat beside her and handed her the energy bar. “Eat. You'll crash if you don't.”

She nodded absentmindedly and put the bar on the floor between them without looking away from the TV.

“Was there something you wanted to ask me before Vido came in?”

She stopped suddenly, her thumb poised above the button on the remote. After a moment, she turned the TV off. “I... wanna go to school. I've never been.”

“Really?” Zaeed wasn't surprised she hadn't been to school; he and Vido hadn't gone until they were 10. He _was_ surprised that she'd decided on her own that she wanted to go.

She shrugged. “Ran away when I was four, been with the Reds since then. Pike didn't exactly encourage us to get smarter, didn't want us getting smarter than him I guess.”

“You ran away from home when you were four?”

“No, from the orphanage. I wasn' there all that long.” She started playing with a loose thread on her blanket as she continued. “My parents were both with the Alliance. Momma died in the war and Daddy went missing during a mission a couple of months after that. When he hadn't shown up after a month, my grandpa told me he was dead. Six weeks after, there was a fire at my grandpa's house. He died and I spent two weeks in a burn ward before I got shipped off to the orphanage.”

Zaeed wanted to ask _why_ she'd run away from the orphanage, but knew it was a bloody miracle she'd revealed this much of her past. If she wanted to tell him more, she'd do it in her own time.

After they'd sat in silence for awhile, he pulled up a search on his omni-tool and they looked for a school with an extranet-based program.

He hesitated as he brought up the forms that needed to be filled out. “You all right with me knowing your real name and all?”

She nodded but frowned. “I don't know how to spell it. I think Grandpa tried to teach me, but I don't remember.”

“It's okay. I know a way to find out.” Zaeed did a quick search and found a report listing two girls who had gone missing two years ago from Maple Ridge Orphanage in Vancouver. Six-year-old Ainsley Stark had come back to the orphanage on her own a week later; four-year-old Rebekah Shepard was still missing.

Bex wrinkled her nose as she leaned on his arm and looked at the aged-up picture beside her name. The artist's rendering made her look like she was on her way to have tea with Alice and the Mad Hatter. “I don't look like that, do I?” she asked, sounding scandalized.

Zaeed chuckled as he glanced down at her freckles, overalls and ratty old Chucks. "Not by a long shot.  Your dad happen to be John Shepard?"

She nodded. "You knew him?"

"I did. We served in the same unit with him during the war. Might've been a different John Shepard, of course. Still..."

She looked up at Zaeed, a pleading look in her blue eyes. "Don' tell Vido, 'k?"

"Wouldn't dream of it, half-pint."

While Zaeed filled out the forms for school, Bex went back to flipping channels, still looking for cartoons. After awhile, she sighed and turned the TV off again.

He glanced over at her. “Something wrong?”

“I can't... um... I can't sleep, in my bed.”

He smiled. “I'd wondered why I kept finding you asleep in my chair the last few nights.”

“Oh yeah.”

“Where were you sleeping _before_ you came into my room?”

“First couple of nights, I slept all night in the big chair in the living room,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. “After the others got here, I slept in the corner in my room.”

Though he knew he likely didn't want to know the answer, Zaeed asked, “Why?”

“'S the only way I feel safe to sleep.” Her biotics flared brightly for a brief moment. “If I sleep in a corner, nobody can sneak up behind me.”

He had a feeling there was a lot she wasn't saying, but didn't ask for details. “How about we get you a chair, we can put it here in the corner. It'd be more comfortable than sleeping on the floor.”

“Really?” Her eyes lit up and she smiled then, the first real smile he'd seen from her.

An hour later, they'd found a chair she liked, cream with flowers.

“Until it gets here, you can sleep in my chair,” he said when the order had been placed, to be delivered in 48 hours.

She smiled again. “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bex's chair: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182914861360/


	6. Chapter 6

Returning from a week-long job, Zaeed could hear the sounds of a heated argument before the elevator had made it even halfway between the base's docking bay and the apartment he and Bex shared with Vido and Noah. Normally, he wouldn't have given the argument a second thought, given that Vido picked fights with damn near the entire company on a daily basis, just to hear himself talk.

_Pompous git._

But this fight seemed to be between Vido and Bex. She had come out of her shell a bit in the two and a half years they'd been on Omega, but she still avoided him whenever possible. Any argument between them wasn't going to end well.

Zaeed willed the elevator to go faster.

“Oh good... you're back,” Noah said, meeting him at the front door. “They've been yelling at each other for close to twenty minutes now.”

“And you didn't do anything to stop it?”

“Hell no. This is a justified argument, on her part.”

Zaeed didn't ask what Noah meant; he didn't need to. As they stood outside the office, he could finally hear what was actually being said.

“I _can't_ go back.” From the exasperation in her voice, it wasn't the first time Bex had said this.

“It's been two and a half years, Rebekah,” Vido snapped.

Zaeed and Noah gave each other cringing looks. They knew what Bex's next words would be.

“Don't. Call. Me. Rebekah.” It was really the only rule she had, and Vido insisted on breaking it any chance he got, just to antagonize her. She'd yelled at Zaeed after the first time it had happened and it had taken him ages to convince her that he wasn't the reason Vido knew her real name. In truth, Vido had answered a vid-comm call from one of the teachers who ran her school program; they flat-out refused to use her preferred name.

As usual, Vido continued as if Bex hadn't spoken. “What the hell makes you think Pike is even still looking for you?”

“He probably _isn't_ , but that doesn't mean he's forgotten about me. If I go back, I'd just be making myself a target again.”

“Well that's just too damn bad, girlie. We've got a contract in London and you're going.”

“No, I'm not.” Before Vido had a chance to respond, Bex stormed out of the office, and ran straight into Zaeed. Her furious expression faded immediately and she smiled. “You're back!”

“Having fun?” he asked, eying the doorway of the office, waiting for Vido to come barging out.

Bex rolled her eyes. “Oh yeah. Loads.”

“Did I hear right?” Zaeed led her away from the office toward the kitchen. “Vido's trying to get you to go back to London?”

She nodded. “'Parently, some rich big shot hired us to do security for... something. I dunno, I stopped listening after Vido said London.”

“Why is he insisting you go?”

She shrugged. “Because he's a jackass and he hates me?”

“Have you been eating regularly?” Zaeed asked, abruptly changing the subject. He'd talk to Vido about the job later.

Bex seemed to be concentrating very hard on the selection of drinks in the fridge as she answered with a non-committal “uh-huh.”

“Bex.”

She sighed heavily as she resurfaced and handed Zaeed a beer, taking a water for herself. “Yes, I've been eating.”

“But not anywhere near the amount she should be,” Noah chimed in as he joined them and snagged the beer from Zaeed's hand.

“Oi, get your own.” Zaeed looked at Bex with concern. “What's going on?”

“What makes you think anything's going on?” she asked while avoiding his gaze.

“She's been trying to starve the biotics away,” Noah said.

_Shit._

This wasn't the first time she'd done something like this, and Zaeed knew it wouldn't be the last. But he wondered if it was more than just the biotics; she only ever seemed to do it when he was away.

Bex glared at Noah and he shrugged. “Sorry, kid. It's for your own damn good. You won't listen to me, but maybe, for once, you'll listen to Zaeed.”

“Might as well get it over with.” She flopped down on one of the kitchen chairs and folded her arms on the table. “Talk.”

Zaeed and Noah exchanged a glance as they heard Vido yelling again from the office. Noah went to head him off and Zaeed sat next to Bex.

“You know starving yourself won't make your biotics go away, right?”

She laid her head on her arms. “I know.”

“Then why do you do it?”

“If I don't eat, I can be _too sick_ to do whatever Vido wants me to do.”

“What d'you mean?”

“He _plays nice_ while you're here,” she said quietly. “Then when you go out on jobs, he finds jobs that specifically request a biotic.”

Zaeed clenched his jaw in anger; he was going to kill the bastard. “So this fight you had about London isn't anything new?”

“'S the first time a job's been in London, far as I know. But yeah, it's pretty much every time you leave.”

“Why'd you never tell me, or Noah?”

“'Cause if I told you, there'd be more yelling. I'm tired of the yelling. Reminds me of Pike.”

Zaeed sighed. “I'm sorry I ever dragged you into all this, half-pint. Should have known that bastard wouldn't leave you alone.”

She raised her head and looked at him, her eyes wide with panic. “You regret taking me off the street.”

He shook his head, reached out and gently squeezed both of her hands in one of his. “No, never. I regret not telling that bastard to fuck off the first time he decided you were nothing more than a goddamn weapon.”

“Not nice to talk about people behind their back, Zaeed,” Vido said as he walked into the kitchen. Bex flinched when he put a hand on her shoulder. “Sets a bad example for young, impressionable Rebekah.”

She opened her mouth to say something but quickly closed it when Zaeed squeezed her hands again.

“What sets a bad example is you forcing her to do jobs she doesn't want to do,” he retorted.

“A client requests a biotic, I'm going to give them a biotic,” Vido said. “She's been mysteriously _ill_ the last several jobs, but not this time. She's going, ill or not.”

“No, I'm not!” Bex growled, her biotics flaring erratically. They died down suddenly and she winced as Vido tightened his grip on her shoulder.

“This client in London, he's very rich, Rebekah,” he said through gritted teeth. “And if all goes well, it could be an on-going contract.”

“You're just going to have to figure a way to do it without her,” Zaeed said, standing up and forcefully removing Vido's hand from Bex's shoulder.

He waited until she'd run off to her room before he took Vido by the collar and slammed him up against the nearby wall. “Leave her alone. I won't tell you again.”

“You don't want to cross me, Zaeed,” Vido said, his threatening tone diminished by a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. “It won't end well for you, or Rebekah.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

Bex knew something was wrong before she'd even opened her eyes. She had a bad headache, which meant she hadn't eaten in longer than usual. Even when she was being fake sick to avoid Vido, she still ate a bit, just to keep Noah off her back.

She also noticed immediately that she wasn't in her chair, or even Zaeed's or the one in the living room. It felt like she was lying on a hard bench. When she heard the low hum of an engine, she realized she was in the back of a shuttle.  She couldn't hear anyone talking, but it was obvious she wasn't alone. Every once in awhile, she heard  the scrape of fiberglass on metal as someone shifted in their seat. 

She kept her eyes closed and pretended to still be asleep until the shuttle landed, when someone roughly shook her.

“Wake up, Rebekah.”

S he was instantly fully awake  and staring into Vido's cold eyes .  She tried to sit up quickly, but lack of food made her dizzy. 

“What, no comeback this time?” he sneered as he pulled her up.

“Where's Zaeed?” she asked, trying to keep fear out of her voice.

“Don't worry your little blond head about Zaeed. He'll be here.”

“Where –” Her next question answered itself when the door of the shuttle opened. She immediately recognized the warehouse they were parked in front of as one of the ones the Reds had used in the past.

Vido chuckled darkly at the look of terror that  passed over Bex's face. “Welcome home, Rebekah.”

“Why are you doing this?” She was stalling for time, though she had no idea how that was going to help her.

He said nothing as he yanked her up by her arm and dragged her from the shuttle and into the warehouse. Most of the company was waiting inside.

He shoved her at Noah, who was standing near the door, looking like he was questioning every decision he'd ever made in life.

“I need her ready as soon as possible,” Vido said. “I don't care what you have to do, but get her strength back. Go!”

N oah took Bex by the arm and made a show of dragging her from the room, though he was much more gentle than Vido had been.  He led her down a short hallway to a large kitchen and set her on one of the bar stools by the island in the center.

“Where is Zaeed?” she asked again as she watched Noah mixing the ingredients for what looked and smelled like a protein shake.

He shook his head. “I don't know. I haven't seen him since last night after you went to bed. He and Vido were arguing, louder than usual, and I stepped in before they started punching each other, or worse.”

Bex frowned. “Worse? Oh. You mean they might have decided to shoot each other?”

“Exactly.” He poured the protein shake into a glass and handed it to her. “Drink.”

“But –”

“I'm trying to help you, kid. Whatever Vido told you about the job here was a lie.”

“He said it was a security detail that had requested a biotic,” she said, taking a tentative sip of the shake.

“That's not even close to what he's planning.” Noah sighed heavily. “He made a deal with Pike; he sold you back to the Reds in exchange for this place. He's setting up a base here.”

B ex inhaled sharply and choked on the shake. “He  _sold_ me?”  she croaked when she finally stopped coughing.

“Yes.”

“Does Zaeed know?”

“Yes. That's what the fight was about last night.”

“Then how did I get here?” Bex tightly gripped the glass. “He wouldn't –”

Noah plucked the glass from her hand,  though she was still so weak, there wasn't even a small chance she'd shatter  it. “No, he wouldn't.  After I separated them, Vido went down to his office in the base and Zaeed went to bed. As far as I know, he was still in his room when Vido took you from yours.”

Bex shuddered. The thought of Vido being in her room, the only place she truly felt safe, made her sick.  Suddenly, she was angry. She glared across the island at Noah. “You could have stopped him. You knew all this was gonna happen and you just... let it.”

He shook his head. “There wasn't anything I could have done. I was down in the med-bay, taking care of a bunch of idiots who got drunk and then decided to pick a fight with the batarians Vido just hired. Besides, even if I'd been there in the apartment, there wasn't a damn thing I could have done on my own. If I'd tried to stop Vido, I'd likely be dead right now and  _you'd_ be in the hands of one of those batarian bastards. Believe me when I tell you, you do not want to mess with one of them, especially if you've got no way to defend yourself.”

Bex scoffed but said nothing as she tried to drink the rest of the protein shake. She'd never liked them, but at the moment, she needed her strength back up. There was no way she was letting herself get taken in by the Reds again;  s he wouldn't last the night.

Finally, she choked down the last of the shake and stood up. She knew she likely wouldn't make it far, but she had to at least _try_ to escape.

“What are you doing?” Noah asked, walking around the island to stand in front of her. “You can't –”

S he shook her head as her hands lit up. “I'm sorry, Noah, but I can't just sit around and do nothing. I'm not going back to the Reds.”

“Bex, please.” He took another step toward her and she threw him back against the wall beside the door.

“I'm so sorry,” she whispered as she ran past him and out into the hallway.

“Do you _ever_ stop trying to run away?” a  cold voice said from somewhere behind her. She spun around and saw Vidostanding a few feet away, holding a pistol. She automatically took a step back, her hands glowing again, but he quickly closed the distance between them and took her by the throat. “You're not getting away this time, Rebekah.”

She struggled to loosen his grip as he swiftly carried her upstairs to his new office where Pike and Devin were waiting.

“Still a pain in the ass, I see,” Pike said as Vido threw Bex to the floor.

“Exceptionally, yes,” Vido said. “Endlessly coddled by my ex-business partner.”

_Ex? That meant –_

A door on the other side of the room opened and Zaeed,  badly beaten and barely standing on his own, was pushed into the room by two batarians. 

“I believe you gentlemen know Zaeed Massani?” Vido said with a look of contempt as he glared at Zaeed.

B ex scrambled to her feet and tried to run to Zaeed, but  Pike reached over and pulled her back  by her hair so she was standing between himself and  Devin . 

“You're not going anywhere 'cept with us,” he snapped. He glanced at Vido. “We done here?”

Vido nodded, not to Pike, but to the batarians. A moment later, they opened fire. Bex ducked just in time and scrambled back across the room. As the bodies fell, she felt a strong hand push  hard on her back,  causing her to stumble and fall down the stairs. Her head hit the railing on the landing and she struggled to stay awake.

As she lost consciousness, she heard Vido's voice, sounding very far away. “Now,  _partner_ , what to do with you.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and bookmark :)

When she came to, still lying at the bottom of the stairs, Bex felt like someone was trying to crack her head open. It took her a moment to remember what had happened. Then she remembered Vido's words to Zaeed.

_Now, partner, what to do with you._

_Shit._

The warehouse was oddly quiet and she quickly realized there were few people left inside, and those that were all seemed to be heading toward the  back of the  building. She quietly followed them  out into a chilly downpour to the alley behind the warehouse  and hid behind a crate.

At the end of the alley, Zaeed was being held by six men. Six men, Bex realized, that had made up the squad he took on every job. It wouldn't have surprised her in the least if Vido had paid them off. She knew every last member of the company, save Zaeed and  probably  Noah, would kill their own mothers if the price was right.

Vido was standing in front of Zaeed and Bex could see his mouth moving but couldn't hear what he was saying. She bit her lip hard to suppress a scream as one of the batarians who'd been in the office handed Vido a gun – Zaeed's gun – and he pressed it to Zaeed's face and fired.

The six men immediately dropped their hold on Zaeed and he slumped to the ground. Bex shrank into the shadows as Vido and the rest filed back into the warehouse. The moment the door closed on the last one, she ran across the alley and skidded to a stop beside Zaeed.

He was still alive.

“Just hold on, just hold on, hold on, hold on,” Bex murmured over and over again as she quickly formulated a plan in her mind.

She had to get away from the warehouse, that much she knew for certain. It wouldn't be long before Vido discovered she wasn't still lying at the bottom of the steps below his office.

But she couldn't just leave Zaeed. He'd never abandoned her and she'd be damned if she was going to abandon him now.

“Don't die. You can't die. You hear me? You can't die. I won't let you!” she muttered as she finally got to her feet and tried to drag him out of the alley. There wasn't a chance in hell she was going to get far at all. Zaeed had always said she was _goddamn fierce_ , but she was still small for nine years old.

Still, she'd do anything to get him someplace safe.

It took what felt like hours, slowly and carefully dragging Zaeed's unconscious form through the maze of alleys. Finally, Bex came across a tiny clinic that backed up to the alley, she thought it might have been a vet instead of a human clinic, and cried with relief when she saw a light on in the back window.

She stumbled up the steps and pounded on the door, yelling for all she was worth for somebody to come out and help. After a minute or so, the light on the porch came on and the door slid open.

“Can I help you, miss?” The man standing in the doorway looked about nine feet tall and Bex backed up instinctively. His eyes fell on Zaeed lying at the bottom of the steps and he looked startled as he seemed to jump into action immediately. “What the hell happened to him?” he asked as he carefully picked up Zaeed and slung him over his shoulder.

“Shot,” Bex said. “Held down by six men... shot by...” She trailed off as she followed the stranger into the clinic and watched as he laid Zaeed on the table in the middle of an exam room and got out a bunch of metal instruments.

He glanced over his shoulder and saw her standing awkwardly by the door. “Sit.”

She gratefully sank down onto the nearest stool.

“So, what happened?” he asked as he turned back to the table. “Aside from your friend here being shot, I mean. You don't look so great yourself.”

“I, um, tripped.” She knew she didn't sound at all convincing.

“Mhm. Tripped, or were pushed?”

She swallowed hard, refusing to think about what had happened in Vido's office. “T-tripped,” she stuttered.

He turned from the table and came over to crouch in front of her. She flinched when he reached up to touch the cut on her head.

“Nasty cut for tripping,” he muttered, more to himself than to her, as he gently applied medi-gel.

She pushed his hand away impatiently. “Forget about me. Help him,” she pleaded, glancing over at Zaeed lying the table.

The doctor shook his head as he stood up again and walked back across the room. “I don't know there's much I _can_ do for him. I've never dealt with anything this severe before.”

“Please.”

“I'll try, but I make no promises.”

“Thank you.” She rolled her stool across the floor to the other side of the exam table. “Anything I can do to help?”

The man blinked. “You want to help?” He made it sound as if it was the most surprising thing he'd ever heard.

She nodded. “Wouldn't be the first time.”

It wasn't a lie; in the last year, she'd spent a lot of time with Noah in the med-bay whenever Zaeed was on a job.

“If you like.” They worked in silence for awhile before he laid down his instruments with a heavy sigh. “I... just don't know. There's nothing else I can do to help him. I've got a friend who was a medic during the war. Still lives in London, I think. He should be able to help.”

“'K.”

She waited while the doctor went into his office to make the call, until she heard him talking to a very familiar voice. She ran into the office and stopped dead when she saw the face on the vid-comm.

“Noah?”

He looked equally surprised to see her. “Hey kid. How the hell did you get all the way to John's office? Actually, no, how'd you get _Zaeed_ all the way to John's office? ”

She shrugged. “I'm stronger than I look?”

“Obviously.”

“Wait. That's Zaeed?” John asked.

Noah raised an eyebrow. “You didn't recognize him?

“It's been six years, and...” John gave a sidelong glance to Bex before he lowered his voice. “And he's got half his face blown off.”

“Right. I'll be there as soon as I can. I've got to dodge Vido; he seems to think I'd definitely know where you ran off to, Bex. See you in a bit.”

The screen went dark and John turned to Bex, a stunned look on his face.

She frowned. “What?”

“Did Noah just call you Bex?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“It's what I... used to call my daughter.”

“And?” She suddenly realized what he was trying to say and backed away from him until she hit the wall by the door. “That's insane. My parents... my mom died in the war, my dad went missing not long after. My grandpa said...” She slowly slid to the floor, suddenly numb. “My grandpa said he was dead. And then _he_ died not long after. ”

John crouched down in front of her. “Would that grandpa happened to have been named Caleb?”

She swallowed hard and nodded.

“Died in a house fire in Vancouver?”

She nodded again. “Oh gods.” She scrambled to her feet and ran for the front door.

“Bex, _wait_!”  A heavy hand came down on her shoulder and quickly spun her around so she ended up looking into John's eyes. Eyes that were the same pale blue as her own. As she took a closer look at his general appearance, she realized he looked extraordinarily like a younger version of what little she remembered of her grandfather. Same dark brown hair that curled just slightly, same nose, same height. His beard even grew in the same way.

_Oh. Damn._

She opened her mouth to say something and quickly snapped it shut again. They stared at each other a long minute before she finally said, “Take care of Zaeed. Please. And tell Noah I'm sorry... I gotta... go.”

The hand tightened on her shoulder as she tried to run. “My daughter or not, I can't in good conscious let you wander out there on the streets alone,” John said. “It's cold and raining, and I'm not yet convinced you don't have concussion.”

“I –”

“You'll be safer here than you will on the streets. Whoever shot Zaeed is likely out there looking for you, if they know you witnessed it. Please, just stay one night.”

She hesitated. She didn't really  _want_ to stay, but he was right.  She didn't think Vido, or anyone else, had seen her in the alley,  but he'd likely have realized what had happened the moment he saw she was gone . 

Plus, it was raining; she hated the rain.

She sighed. “Fine. One night. That's it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John Shepard: http://foofyschmoofer.tumblr.com/post/102369546702


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comment :)

John and Noah sat late into the night, drinking and talking. John was still trying to wrap his mind around the fact that his little girl was _alive_ , albeit a continent and an ocean away from where he'd left her. From the sounds of it, she'd had a rough time of it since he'd last seen her.

He still remembered the last words he'd said to her before he left on a shuttle bound for the spaceport.

“I'll be back before you know it.”

But he hadn't come back, not for a year and a half. By then, his house had burned down, his father was dead, and Bex was _missing presumed dead_. He could only imagine that Bex and Caleb had heard those same words applied to him.

Heartbroken, he had left the military and goneback to school to finish the last few credits he needed for his degree in veterinary medicine; he'd graduated and immediately hopped on a transport leaving Vancouver. He'd ended up in London and joined a practice there. The woman who'd owned the clinic had retired a year ago, giving the reigns over to John.

Noah had explained how he'd come to know Bex and everything that had happened in the two and half years since, though he said Zaeed would be able to tell him more. Assuming the man ever woke up.

Any operation involving a gunshot was tricky business, but this was trickier than most. As John had suspected, Noah had more experience with gunshots, but even he wasn't all that confident in Zaeed's chances of recovery. But Bex kept _insisting_ he was going to be okay.

She also kept insisting she was going to kill Vido Santiago, first chance she got. John certainly shared the sentiment. From what Noah had said, the only good thing Vido had done since Bex had come into their lives was to double-cross the two bastards he'd _sold_ her to, and that had been for purely selfish reasons.

The thing John didn't quite understand, and Noah hadn't been any help, was how Bex had ended up on the streets of Vancouver in the first place. She'd apparently told Noah and Zaeed how she'd come to live in London, but never told them why she'd run away from the orphanage. Assuming she had actually run away and not been lured out and taken.

John had gone to the orphanage in Maple Ridge and talked to the matron. Mrs. Talbot had been less than forthcoming with the details of Bex's brief stay. All she said was that Bex hadn't gotten along with anyone and she'd refused to sleep in her bed; she'd slept curled up in a ball in the corner every single night she'd been there. It had seemed to John that Mrs. Talbot had been almost _relieved_ when Bex had gone missing along with her roommate. When the older girl had come back a week later, she'd apparently been scared out of her mind and half-starved, but very much alive. But she'd never spoken to anyone about what had happened in the week she'd been gone, nor where Bex might have been. In fact, it had been more than six months before she spoke _at all_.

John glanced over at Noah when someone started pounding loudly on the front door.

They walked out of John's office just in time to see Bex standing in the doorway, glowing from head to foot, yelling at the two men who stood on the step outside.

John took a step toward the door, but Noah held him back.

“She knows what she's doing, John.”

“How long has she been a biotic? Moira and I always knew it was a possibility, after she was exposed to eezo a few months before Bex was born, but when I left on that last mission, she hadn't shown any tendencies.”

Noah shrugged. “No idea. First time she and Zaeed met, she had him in a stasis field. And it didn't seem to be a new phenomenon. It's likely the Reds picked her up _because_ she was biotic.”

They watched, amazed, as Bex threw a biotic _punch_ at the two men standing outside. A moment later, there was a dull _thud_ as they hit the wall on the other side of the alley.

She closed and locked the door and turned, a slight grimace on her face as she spotted John and Noah watching her. “Vido's men. I don't think it's safe to keep Zaeed here. They'll be back with –”

She stopped suddenly and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

“Bex!” John rushed over to pick her up and took her into his office. He turned to Noah after he'd laid her carefully on the couch. “What's wrong with her?”

Noah sighed. “Nothing, really. She just hasn't eaten in way too long. I made her a protein shake after Vido brought her to the warehouse, but that was _hours_ ago. And she hadn't been eating right for about a week before that.”

“Why not?”

“She knew if she didn't eat, she'd be too weak to go on jobs for Vido. At least, that's what she told Zaeed last night. She's been doing it for over a year, whenever he went out on a job. I always thought she was trying to starve the biotics out of her system or something.”

“I'm not stupid,” Bex mumbled as she regained consciousness. “I know I can't actually make it go away.”

John helped her sit up as Noah took an energy bar from his pocket and handed it to her. “Eat.”

She rolled her eyes, though John noticed she tore into the packaging like a bear coming out of hibernation.

“She's right,” Noah said as the two men walked to the exam room to check on Zaeed. “Zaeed once said Pike was a man who doesn't like to lose, but he is... was... _nothing_ compared to Vido. Pike would travel across the planet to take out revenge on someone, but Vido will absolutely hunt them, and me probably, across the whole damn galaxy.”

“So where's that leave us?” John asked.

“Until we know something _definite_ about Zaeed, whether he's going to make it or –”

“He _is_ ,” Bex snapped, following them into the room and sitting on a stool beside the exam table. “He just... he has to. 'K?”

Noah and John nodded.

“Fine,” Noah said. “Until Zaeed is stable enough to travel longer distances, we don't have many options. But I think, if we're extremely careful, we can make it to a safe house I have just outside the city.”

“Let's get to it, then,” John said as he threw supplies into a bag. “The quicker we can get him moved and stable again, the better off he'll be.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

“I _told_ them you were gonna wake up!”

Zaeed looked around in confusion at the sound of the familiar voice. His one good eye finally spotted Bex sitting cross-legged in a chair across the room. There was a cut going through her left eyebrow and extending up a couple of inches to her forehead, but she looked much better than he'd expected after everything that had happened at the warehouse. He was honestly surprised she was even still alive.

“Hey half-pint,” he said hoarsely. “How long you been sitting there?”

She slowly counted off on her fingers, muttering to herself, before she said, “Off 'n' mostly on for about three days.”

“And who's _they_?” He looked around again as he gingerly sat up and immediately recognized the room. “You're with Noah?”

She nodded. “And um... John.”

“Your old man John?” She nodded again and he frowned. “I fucking knew it. I'm dead, aren't I?”

“Nope, not dead. Not yet anyway.”

“So how'd I, we, get here?”

She came over to sit beside him on the bed.  “ Started out at a vet clinic not all that far from the warehouse –”

“Where you just happened to run into your long-lost dad?”

She shrugged. “Of all the vet clinics in all the worlds...”

Zaeed groaned. “You're cut off from watching Casablanca ever again.”

Bex rolled her eyes. “ _Anyway_ ...”

“Hey, good to see you awake,” said a voice from the doorway. “How are you feeling, Zaeed?”

“A little groggy and pretty goddamn sore, but all right,” he said as he slowly turned his head to see the man who was crossing the room. He was just barely starting to go gray, but John really hadn't changed much in six years. “Can't believe I got patched up by a bloody vet.”

John laughed. “Don't worry; most of that's Noah's handiwork.”

“So, he knows you invaded his safe house?”

“Of course. It was his idea.”

“A couple of Vido's idiots came by the vet clinic, so we had to get out,” Bex said.

“Anything since then?” Zaeed asked.

She shook her head. “But Noah went back to the warehouse. Figured Vido would get suspicious if he stayed away too long.”

“Bex, you've been sitting in here long enough,” John said. “Go down to the kitchen and get something to eat, okay? You skipped lunch.”

She pouted for a moment but finally got up and left, grumbling to herself as she went.

Zaeed sighed. “Still not eating much, then?”

“No. Not sleeping much either,” John said as he did a few scans. “She's spent about 95% of the last three days in that chair.”

“Doesn't mean she's not sleeping though. Didn't Noah tell you? She only sleeps in chairs or in the corner on the floor.”

“Matron at the orphanage told me the same thing. So that wasn't just a quirk or something? She still does that all the time?”

Zaeed nodded. “She told me, years ago, it's the only way she feels safe, that no one can sneak up on her.”

“Shit.” John pulled the chair across the room and sat by the bed. “I'm glad she had you looking out for her, Zaeed.”

“You're bloody joking, right? You call _this_ looking out for her?”

“You seem to have gotten the worst of it.”

Zaeed clenched his jaw. “Vido pushed her down the stairs, John.”

“I _knew_ she was lying when she said she'd tripped. 'Course, we were still... strangers then.”  John frowned. “Mostly still are, really.”

“It's just gonna take her awhile to trust you.”

“Why wouldn't she trust me? I'm her father.”

Zaeed shook his head. “Biologically, yes. But for now, at best, you're just someone who helped her when trusting the unknown was safer than trusting the known. And at worst, you're the man who, in her eyes, lied to her and then bloody abandoned her.”

John looked stunned. “Abandoned... I didn't... And when the hell did I ever _lie_ to her?”

“You said you'd 'be back before I knew it.' But you didn't come back at all,” Bex said quietly, standing in the doorway. “I figured you just didn't want me anymore.”

“So you didn't even believe your grandfather when he said I was dead?”

She shook her head.

“Why not?”

“We didn't have a memorial like we had for Momma after the war. So I figured he was lying too.”

Zaeed shifted uncomfortably on the bed as the room filled with silence. He'd give anything to have not heard that conversation.

Finally, John got up and knelt in front of Bex. “I'm not going _anywhere_ ,” he said, brushing tears from her face. “I promise.”

She didn't look like she really believed  him but nodded slowly before she  walked over to the bed and sat next to Zaeed  again . “What about you?”

He frowned. “What  _about_ me?”

“Are you gonna stay?”

“Of course I am. I'd only leave if I had a damn good reason, like to keep you safe, or to go hunt down Vido.” His gaze flicked to John for a moment before he looked back at Bex. “And if I did, you'd _know_ that's why I was leaving.”

John rolled his eyes. “Thanks for that.”

Zaeed shrugged but said nothing.  He knew it was a bit of a cheap shot, but he wasn't going to apologize for the truth.

Bex frowned as she looked back and forth between them. “I'm just gonna go,” she said as she got off the bed.

John shook his head and stood up. “You stay, I'll go.” When Bex started to protest, he added, “I'm just going downstairs, see if I can get hold of Noah. It's been awhile since he checked in.”

“You okay, half-pint?” Zaeed asked as Bex settled back on one side of the bed again.

She shrugged. “Guess so.”

“Don't be too hard on John.”

“But you just – why do I have to be nice to him and you don't?”

“Who said I'm not being nice to him?” Zaeed gave her as stern a look as he was capable of at the moment. “Were you eavesdropping?”

She looked down at her hands and mumbled, “Maybe.”

“So you never went to the kitchen to get food?”

She shook her head. “I did,” she said as she pulled a half-eaten energy bar from the pocket of her hoodie.

“When's the last time you ate any _real_ food?”

“This morning.”

“Really?”

She nodded. “I ate six waffles.”

“Glad to hear it.” He put a finger under her chin to raise her head so she was looking at him. “Pike is dead, and Vido's... we're not going to let Vido hurt you anymore, okay?”

She looked doubtful but nodded slightly before she looked back down at her hands. “'K.”

“And Bex?”

“Hm?”

“Give John a chance. He's trying.”

“I know.” She glanced up at Zaeed again. “If I have to be nice to him, so do you.”

He chuckled. “Deal.”

* * *

> _From: Noah Payne_
> 
> _To: John Shepard_
> 
> _Subj: re: Check-In_
> 
> _I'm fine, for now. If Vido's suspicious, he hasn't said, or done, anything yet. Might be a good idea to get Zaeed and Bex out of London, now he's awake._
> 
> _As for Bex, I don't know what to tell you, John. I think you're just gonna have to give it some time. And don't let Zaeed get to you. He's very protective of her, and probably still feels guilty about getting her involved in this shit in the first place._
> 
> _I'll try to check in again in a few hours. Don't know when I'll be able to get back to the safe house. Could be awhile yet._
> 
> _-Noah_


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

Zaeed started awak e at the sound of a crash coming from downstairs .  He was still struggling to get out of bed when he heard footsteps thundering up the staircase. Bex ran into the room seconds later, holding the portable terminal that lived in the kitchen.

“Where's your – where's John?” he asked as she put the terminal in his lap and climbed up to sit beside him.

“He went to get b-breakfast,” she said, her voice trembling. “It's not him.”

Zaeed was about to ask what was wrong, when he glanced at the terminal and saw very well what.  A vid-chat window was open and connected to a terminal at the warehouse. Noah and Vido were on the screen, one looking  resolute but apologetic , the other sickeningly smug. 

“Get out of there,” Noah said, a note of urgency in his voice. “Take the kid and –”

Zaeed heard the soft _pop_ of a silenced pistol being fired. Bex squeaked and dug her fingers into his arm while they watched the light fade from Noah's eyes as he dropped to the floor.

“His death is on you, Rebekah,” Vido said, kicking Noah's body aside and leaning in so his face filled the screen. “He'd still be alive if you hadn't run off the other day. You might want to think about that before you get someone else killed. Oh wait, you already did.”

Before either Zaeed or Bex could respond, the connection was severed and the screen went dark.

Zaeed slammed the terminal shut and threw it across the bed. “That goddamn worthless piece of –”

“He's right, isn't he?” Bex whispered. “It's all my fault.”

He stopped mid-rant and pulled her into his lap. “No, he's not,” he said firmly but gently. “If you'd stayed, you'd be dead, or worse.”

“What d'you mean _or worse_?”

Zaeed hesitated, unsure exactly _what_ he'd meant or how to explain it to a nine-year-old, and breathed a sigh of relief when John walked through the door just then.

“Are you two all right? What the hell happened in the kitchen?”

“We're fine, relatively speaking,” Zaeed said. “But Noah's dead.”

“Shit. How d'you know?”

“W-we saw it,” Bex sobbed as she slid off Zaeed's lap and bolted from the room.

John frowned. “What the hell does she mean that you saw it?”

“No way to know for sure, but I'm assuming Vido caught him dialing up the vid-chat. Bex answered it, ran up here and about five seconds later, Vido shot Noah in the back of the head.”

John's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “On-screen?”

Zaeed nodded.

“Is Bex all right?”

“Not really.” He told John what Vido had said to her.

“Goddamn him to hell!” John growled.

“Agreed. You know what this means, right? We need to move, quickly.”

“Where are we going to go?”

“Anywhere that's not London. They'll be watching the spaceports, so nothing off-planet. Somewhere up north maybe?”

“Are you up to it?”

Zaeed brushed off the concern. “I'm fine, John. Worry about Bex. Vido's got to her and I'm not sure what's going to convince her he's wrong.”

“Speaking of Bex…” John began pacing the room. “I want you to become her legal guardian if something happens to me.”

Zaeed gawked at him. “You want me to _what_?”

“You heard.”

“What I heard was you spouting goddamn insanity.”

John raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying you don’t want to do it?”

“Not at all. I’m just wondering if you’ve thought this through. You don’t even _know_ me, not anymore.”

“Maybe not, but I trust you. That’s the thing that matters.”

Zaeed shook his head. “I don’t know how you trust a man you just met, re-met, with your daughter’s life.”

John shrugged. “Bex trusts you, more than anyone in the world.” What looked like a flash of jealousy passed over his face but was gone as quick as it had appeared. “From what Noah told me, that took awhile. He seemed to think she didn't quite trust him fully, and she certainly doesn't trust me, yet.”

He wasn't wrong about Noah. If she'd fully trusted him, she'd have let him find another solution that didn't involve starving herself to avoid Vido.

“What's your point, John?”

“She doesn’t have anyone else, Zaeed. And even if you think it’s crazy, I know you’ll do the right thing when the time comes.”

Zaeed frowned. “Shouldn’t that be _if_?”

“Vido's unhinged, that much is obvious. He seems to want Bex back and he'll do anything he thinks will make that happen.” John shrugged again. “I figure he'll come after me first, save you for something special. And when that time comes, I’ll be there protecting my daughter, knowing you’ll be there to do the same when I’m gone.”

“You're discounting the possibility that we get to him first,” Zaeed said, though he couldn't really find any fault with John's logic. The deck seemed to be heavily stacked against them at the moment.

“Of course that's always a possibility. But –”

“But if things end up going south, of course I'll take care of Bex.”

“Thank you.” John frowned. “Is it just me or has it gone very quiet?”

 

The  _quiet_ was shattered a moment later by a  second crash from the kitchen, followed by a  piercing scream.

Zaeed tried to stand but fell back as a wave of dizziness overcame him. “ I'm fine,” he said again as John made to  pull him to his feet . “Go check on  your daughter .”

John nodded and took off as Zaeed tried once again to stand up.  Before h e was halfway downstairs, he heard two gunshots followed by the  twin  dull  _thud_ _s_ of two bodies hitting the floor. He art racing, he went as fast as he could without  falling down the stairs. 

“You all right?” he called, half-expecting another gunshot.

“Fine,” John replied, appearing at the bottom of the staircase. “Not hurt, anyway.”

“Bex?”

“She's a little shaken, but–”

“Nonononononono!” The two men glanced at each other and this time, Zaeed didn't protest when John walked up to help him move more quickly.

When they got to the kitchen, they found Bex sitting on the floor beside the bodies of two of Vido's men, rocking back and forth with her arms wrapped around her knees and a datapad in one hand.

John gently pried the datapad from her grip and read the contents. He frowned as he handed the pad to Zaeed. “Who's Helen?”

_Son of a bitch!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comment :)

“Zaeed, go to the hospital,” John pleaded for what felt like the millionth time in the last three months. “You can't just keep wearing that damn eye-patch.”

The mercenary scoffed. “The hell I can't.”

“You look like a pirate,” Bex giggled. “The ol' timey ones that had peg legs and sh– stuff.”

Zaeed and John looked at her in surprise. She hadn't so much as cracked a smile since the day Zaeed had woken up after being shot. And aside from flat-out demanding to hold a memorial service for Noah and Helen, she'd barely even spoken since the day they'd been murdered, usually nodding or shrugging when asked a question.

She narrowed her eyes at them. “What?”

John shook his head and looked back at Zaeed. “Do it for Noah. You know he'd be having this same argument with you if he was here.”

“And I'd be telling him the same goddamn thing I'm telling you,” Zaeed retorted. “No bloody way.”

“If you do it, I'll tell you why I always sleep in a corner,” Bex said.

He raised an eyebrow. “Thought you were on my side in this fight, half-pint.”

“Never I said I didn't think you should do it, just said you look like a pirate.”

“Looks like that's two votes against you, Zaeed,” John said triumphantly.

Zaeed scoffed. “Hardly. More like one and a half. But since when do you two get to vote on what _I_ do?”

“Since you are being a stubborn bastard and need all the convincing you can get.”

“Give me one bloody reason why I should do it.”

“'Cos they have cool cybernetic eyes,” Bex said. “It'll make it easier.”

“Easier to what?”

She looked him square in his good eye. “Kill Vido.”

Ah.

He knew they'd get around to Vido at some point. Since they'd moved to a cottage near Newcastle-Upon-Tyne, there'd been no sign of him or his idiots. But they all knew he wasn't done, not by a fucking long shot.

“All right, half-pint.” Zaeed heaved an exaggerated sigh. “You win. I'll go to the hospital. But if something happens –”

Bex rolled her eyes. “Nothin's gonna happen to you. I'll be there to protect you.”

“Wasn't talking about me.”

She shrugged. “I won't be by myself. I'll have my dad to protect me.”

Zaeed thought it was likely John was going to kill himself from the effort it was taking him not to grin like a fucking idiot.

* * *

A week later, Zaeed had his new eye, though he had grumbled endlessly when he found out he'd have to spend a couple of days in the goddamn hospital.

“Doesn't match,” Bex said, staring at him critically as she perched on the end of his hospital bed. “But it looks cool.”

He chuckled. “Glad you approve. Now I've got it done, wasn't there something you were gonna tell me?”

She nodded.

“You don't have to if you don't want to,” he said gently. The last thing he wanted was to force her to bring up some horrible memory that was clearly always in the back of her mind.

“'S okay. I know you've been wondering since... well, since I was six, and him for longer than that,” she said, nodding toward John, who was dozing in a chair on the other side of the room.

“'Course we have. Doesn't mean we have any right to know it.”

“But I can –”

“Get on with it, or don't,” John mumbled, though Zaeed didn't know if he was talking to Bex or someone in his sleep.

Bex sighed heavily. “It started a couple of days after I got to the orphanage. There was a group of kids who basically ran the place. The ones who'd literally grown up there, had never known parents because they'd been left on the doorstep or whatever. They decided they were _special_ and had a habit of picking on new kids.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Zaeed saw John sit up in his chair, his full attention now on his daughter.

“The whole lot of them already thought I was a freak because of this,” she said, tugging on a strand of her blond hair. “They mostly left me alone though, because they had _standards_ , that newbies under the age of five were off-limits. But then they found out I was a biotic. I didn't stand a fucking chance after that.”

Z aeed and John exchanged a look. Though she'd only met the woman once, Bex had been deeply affected by Helen's death, and had been fairly adamant that they all watch their language, in Helen's memory. Zaeed hadn't been at all successful, but John and Bex had done fairly well. So this sudden outburst from  her was  _surprising_ to say the least.

“I don't remember _how_ they found out. But I definitely remember what happened  when they did.”

She suddenly hopped off the bed, as though the bedspread was on fire, and Zaeed had a sickening feeling she might be remembering when it _was_. It was a long time before she spoke again, and when she did, it was in a barely-audible whisper.

“One of the older _special_ girls, and another who'd somehow wiggled into the inner circle,  worked in the infirmary and were in there when the nurse was checking my burns a couple of days after I got there. So they knew how I'd ended up at the orphanage. The next night, the whole group of them came in and set my sheets on fire.”

“They set your bed on fire while you were in it?” John asked, breaking the minutes-long tense silence that had followed.

Bex nodded. “They tied me up in the sheets. I used my biotics to get out.”

“Were you hurt?”

“Not as bad as the house fire, but a bit. I've _always_ slept curled in a ball, and that night, I was wearing flannel footie pajamas.  Apparently, that was a bad combination, because I got burned in places where the fabric bunched, or something. 'S where the scars on the inside of my elbows came from. Also behind my knees, and this one,” she gestured to a long faded burn on her jaw and right shoulder that Zaeed had always assumed came from the house fire. “Hair got singed too, so it got cut, which they all thought was _hilarious_ ,” she added bitterly.

“What happened to the girls that did it?” he asked.

Bex shrugged. “ They used cigarettes to start the fire, so they all got banned from future shopping trips for something like six months, but that was about it.”

John raised an eyebrow. “They set you  _on fire_ and all they got was cut off from buying their fucking cigarettes?” 

She nodded. “Oh, 'cept the  one who wasn't originally part of the  _special_ group, she got shipped off to a home for troubled teens. She'd gotten sent to the orphanage after a house fire too, but she was the one who started it.”

“On purpose?”

“Yeah. Apparently, the... prank was her idea too. Mrs. Talbot didn't know any of that 'til one of the other girls tattled, trying to get out of trouble herself.”

“Christ. How the hell could she not have told me all this when I went to see her all those years ago?” John growled. “She made it sound like you were the one who wasn't getting along with anyone.”

Bex shrugged again. “She wasn't wrong.  Only one I really got along with was Ainsley,  but that was more about her being the only one who didn't running screaming in the other direction when I came into a room. ”

“She probably didn't tell you because she was afraid of getting sued, or shot,” Zaeed said. “Probably also why nothing really happened to any of the girls except the pyro bitch.”

She nodded. “' X actly.”

“Maybe so,” John said. “But I'd still like to go back to that place and give that woman a piece of my mind.”

Zaeed nodded. “Agreed.”

“Sit. Down. Now.” Bex said, glaring at both of them. “You can go to Vancouver _later_.”

“What the hell did _we_ do?”

She rolled her eyes. “You brought up the suggestion. And he'll do absolutely anything not to spend another second in this hospital.”

“That's just bloody great,” Zaeed muttered as he settled back against his pillows. “Now the nine-year-old is the parent?”


	13. Chapter 13

“What's with all the –” Bex rubbed her eyes as she padded into the kitchen, stopping short when she saw her dad and Zaeed crouched on the floor, struggling to secure a bow onto a closed box that was... barking. “Is... is that a dog?”

“So much for the surprise,” John said with an apologetic smile as he stood, brushing his hands on his jeans.

“Surprise for what?” Her eyes widened when she realized. “Oh. It's my birthday.”

He frowned. “You don't sound very excited about it.”

She shrugged. “Haven't really celebrated it since I was, what, four?”

She still remembered it, her grandpa baking a huge chocolate cake, giving her a load of presents. It was a couple of weeks after that he'd told her that her dad was dead.

John turned on Zaeed. “You didn't celebrate her birthday?”

“'Course we did. Just – oh shit.” Zaeed was knocked on his ass as the oversized puppy chose that moment to break free from the box.

The next second, Bex found herself flat on her back on the floor, a wriggling mass sitting on her chest as it stuck its tongue up her nose. She finally managed to stop the puppy's attempt to lick her brain as she sat up.

“Do you like him?” John asked, watching her anxiously.

She nodded and grinned for a second before clamping her mouth shut to avoid getting a mouthful of puppy as he continued to squirm on her lap.

“Feisty little bugger,” Zaeed grumbled as John pulled him to his feet. “We might have misjudged the size, should have gotten a smaller one.”

“No, he's _perfect_ ,” Bex insisted as the puppy broke free once more and went skidding across the floor, coming to a stop at John's feet. “How old is he?”

“About four months. You have any idea what his name should be?”

S he  looked at the  dark brown  puppy for a moment and then nodded. “Chip.”

J ohn smiled. “Chip it is.  Speaking of  _chips_ , I assume you want the usual for breakfast ?”

She nodded again and braced as Chip launched himself at her. “Yes please.”

“How many?” He rolled his eyes as she grinned hopefully. “All right, a dozen it is.”

“How is it that you eat like a goddamn horse and yet you're barely taller than the dog?” Zaeed asked as he walked over to pour himself a cup of coffee.

Bex stuck her tongue out at him and used her biotics to snag the bagel he was about to toast. She broke half of it into small pieces and tossed them one at a time for Chip to catch.

“She may have inherited my eyes and my freckles,” John said by the stove. “But I think she's going to look a lot like Moira.”

“What did Momma look like?” Bex asked, her arm stopped in mid-throw. “Was she blond too? And short?”

“Short, yes, but she was a redhead. Blond is so rare now, it's hard to tell where yours came from.”

“I don't remember her, much. Ow.” Chip, impatient with the lack of attention, and food, clamped his jaws down on Bex's hand. “Chip, release.”

“Come 'ere, you little shit,” Zaeed said, prying the pup's mouth open before clipping a leash on his collar and coaxing him to the back door. “Let's go for a walk.”

“Dog's gonna need training, no doubt about that,” John said, turning from the stove and setting a small stack of chocolate chip waffles on the island as Bex sat down on a stool. “It doesn't surprise me you don't remember your mother much. She went back on duty the second her maternity leave was up. She took you with her when she could, though I was left to raise you myself for a couple of tours, when having a baby on-board wouldn't have been safe.”

Bex chewed her waffle thoughtfully for a minute. She hadn't realized until now how little she really remembered of any of her family. “How did you and Momma meet?” she asked as she started on a second stack of waffles.

“On a transport heading to boot camp. We were both a bit late, the last ones to board, and ended up sitting next to each other. We didn't actually talk to each other 'til a couple of weeks later though.”

“Did she know Zaeed and Noah?” She shuddered. “And Vido?”

“Zaeed and Vido, yes; they were in the same boot camp class with us.” John set another plate of waffles in front of her and sat down with his own. “Noah was a couple of years older than the rest of us, well past boot camp by the time we joined, so we didn't meet him 'til the war. And of course, Moira was in a different unit, so she never met him.”

Bex frowned. “Did Zaeed and Vido know me before, like when I was a baby? Zaeed automatically connected the dots when he found out my last name, but didn't say anything before that.”

John shook his head. “We went our separate ways after boot camp and didn't reconnect 'til we ended up together in the war.”

The back door slid open and Chip came bounding into the kitchen.

“Well, that could have been a disaster,” Zaeed said breathlessly as he walked through the door just as Chip slid to a stop an inch from Bex's stool. “You two have a nice chat? And did you leave me any waffles, since _someone_ stole my bagel?”

“Here, you can have mine.” Bex slid her last stack toward him and hopped off her stool. She walked over and kissed him on the cheek and did the same for her dad. “Thanks.”

“What was that for?” John asked.

She paused in the doorway of the kitchen, Chip bouncing in circles around her. “It's not even noon and this was already the best birthday ever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chip:   
> as a puppy: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182915007193/  
> as an adult: http://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182914998424/


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comment :)

“What the hell happened to you?” Zaeed asked late one afternoon when Bex came stumbling through the back door a full two minutes after Chip had tried to scratch his way through.

“Him,” she said, feebly pointing at the dog as she walked over to the sink to wash her hands. “He saw a cat and dragged me half way down the street before I could finally let go of the leash.”

He frowned at the scrapes on her hands and face, the knees of her tights torn and bloody. “You all right?”

“Fine. I've had much worse.” She pulled out a first-aid kit from under the sink and sat on the floor. “Just got a little carried away, that's all.”

“Literally, from the sounds of it,” Zaeed said, crouching beside her to block Chip's attempts to sit in her lap. The chocolate lab, now almost a year old, couldn't grasp the concept that he _wasn't_ a lap dog  now, though for Bex, he never had been.

“Yeah. Probably could have used my biotics to stop, or at least slow down, but I didn't want to draw attention to myself.”

“Good call.” He took an alcohol pad from the kit and took her right hand in his. “Let me do that.”

“Thanks.” She sighed and leaned her head back against the cabinet. “It's been quiet for months now. It can't last, can it?”

He shook his head. “No. Too bloody quiet for my taste. He's trying to get us to let our guard down, get settled and feel comfortable.”

It was something Zaeed had been thinking about a lot, as the anniversary of Noah and Helen's deaths rapidly approached. It hadn't just been quiet, they'd heard _nothing_ from Vido since then.

“He really doesn't know us that well if he actually thinks that's gonna happen though, right?”

Zaeed chuckled. “Damn right.”

“Where's Dad?”

“Out. Chip, get off me.” He pulled a treat from his pocket and threw it across the kitchen. “Go on, git. Idiot dog.”

Bex glared at him as Chip went skittering across the floor. “Oi, that's _my_ dog.”

“Don't make him any less of an idiot, half-pint.”

She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, you said Dad was out?”

“He should be back soon. Just went to get food for _your_ overgrown idiot.” Zaeed finished applying medi-gel to Bex's hands and stood up. “All right, should be good as new in a couple of days.”

“Thanks.” She winced when he carefully pulled her to her feet, limping to one of the bar stools at the island as her omni-tool beeped with an incoming message. “By the way, you're taking Chip out on his next walk.”

He smirked. “Told you we should have gotten a smaller one.” The smirk faded to a frown when he saw tears streaming down Bex's face as she looked at her omni-tool. “What? What's wrong?”

She shivered but said nothing, not taking her eyes off whatever it was she'd opened. He took three steps to the side so he stood behind her and bit back a long string of curses as he read over her shoulder. But he didn't get past the header, listing the sender as Vido with a subject of _Didn't Want You to Forget_ before a vid attachment started playing. It was a recording of Noah's murder; considering the length of the vid, Zaeed had a feeling if they'd watched the whole thing, it would include Helen's as well. He reached around to close Bex's omni-tool and gently pulled her into his arms. 

They were still in the same position when John walked through the back door fifteen minutes later.

“This scene looks oddly familiar,” he said as he dropped a large bag of dog food by the door and walked over to the island. “What happened?”

“Bex, go upstairs and pack,” Zaeed said. “Five minutes, only what you absolutely need.”

She nodded and gingerly hopped off of the stool.

“What'd the bastard do this time?” John asked, watching her run from the room, Chip at her heels. “And were those scrapes on her face?”

“That's nothing,” Zaeed said as they followed Bex upstairs. “Chip got a little overexcited during their walk and she briefly lost control.”

“And Vido?”

“Sent her a message with a vid attached.”

“You think he knows where we are?”

“Goddamn positive. When I shut off the vid, I saw a line at the end of the message. Said _'See you soon.'_ ”

“Son of a bitch. Where are we going to go this time?”

“Don't know about you, but I'm not going anywhere,” Bex said as she walked out of her room. She'd changed from the dress and tights she'd worn to school into a hoodie, jeans, and boots.

Zaeed glanced inside the room and saw she hadn't packed at all; she hadn't even taken her duffel out of her closet.

“What d'you mean you're not going anywhere?” John asked in disbelief. “You can't stay here by yourself.”

“I think she means to make a stand against Vido,” Zaeed said.

Bex nodded. “I'll kill him by myself if I have to.”

John sighed heavily. “This isn't a good idea, sweetheart.”

“I don't care. I'm tired of being on the run. I haven't even made any friends at school because I'm afraid the second I do, we'll end up leaving again.”

Zaeed held up a hand to stop John's next response. “While we're standing around talking, Vido's getting closer.”

“The way I see it,” Bex said. “You have two options: stay and fight with me or leave. Either way, _I'm_ not leaving. And if you try and make me, I'll run away and I promise you will never find me.”

“This isn't London,” Zaeed said.

“So? I still know these streets better than either of you.” She glanced at him and corrected herself. “Better than Dad anyway.”

“And we're still talking.” Zaeed shook his head. “I for one am staying. She's right, John. This is no way for a kid to live.”

“I know.” He sighed. “I'm just worried, that's all.”

“Are you staying?” Bex asked anxiously.

“Of course.”

* * *

> _From: Jamie Ingram_
> 
> _To: John Shepard_
> 
> _Subj: re: A Favor_
> 
> _Of course, we'd be glad to take Chip in, for as long as you need. Let us know if there's anything else we can do._
> 
> _-Jamie_

* * *

Voices  arguing just outside the back door woke Zaeed from the short nap he'd allowed himself. He and John had been taking turns keeping watch at night for nearly a week now. Bex had tried to stay up the first couple of nights, but had fallen asleep within a couple of hours both times.

“I don't think anyone's home, said one voice. “The house is dark and I haven't seen anyone leave in at least two days.”

“Of course the house is dark, you fucking moron,” said a second voice. It was unmistakably Vido. “It's the middle of the fucking night. They won't want to tip off the neighbors that anything is wrong.”

“So what do we do?”

“Quit talking so fucking loud, for one,” Vido snapped. “If they didn't know we were here before, they sure as hell do now.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes.  _Still employing idiots._ Apparently Vido would never learn.

“Did I hear voices?” Bex whispered as she walked into the kitchen, fully dressed all in black.

“Aye. Vido and at least one other, who doesn't seem all that bloody intelligent.”

“None of them do.”

Zaeed bit back a laugh. “Very true. Where's your old man?”

“Still upstairs. I woke him up, but he was still struggling to get out of bed when I started down the stairs.”

“I'm right here,” John grumbled. “What's all the fuss about?”

“Vido's outside.”

“So we're all just standing here talking because why?”

“Damn good question,” Zaeed said. “I'm waiting for them to make the first move, really.”

“Why?”

“So they'll be on our turf.”

“And our own back yard isn't _our turf_?”

“Will you two shut up?” Bex hissed. “I think I heard something.”

The back door slid open and a man  carefully stepped into the kitchen. A moment later, he was lying dead on the ground, a bullet between the eyes.

“Nice shot,” Vido said, still standing in the back yard. “Now, Rebekah, you may want to think about walking out to me. Or Zaeed and John will find themselves with similar _injuries_ as the man Zaeed just shot.”

Zaeed and John both put a hand on Bex's shoulders to keep her from walking away  as they glanced at each other and saw the red dots from sniper lasers on the other's forehead . But  she clearly had no intention of doing anything Vido wanted.

“I'm not stupid,” she snapped. “I'll walk outside and your snipers will still shoot them.”

“Yes, but if you don't, _I_ will shoot _you_ as well,” Vido replied, a  note of smug satisfaction in his voice.

“Then you leave me no fucking choice,” Bex said, shrugging off the hands holding her back and beginning to glow from head to foot as she walked toward the door.

“What the hell are you doing?” Zaeed asked, not daring to move.

Her only answer was a plea for him and John to duck just before she summoned what seemed to be all of her biotic power and hurled several balls of energy at Vido and his men.

Seconds later, twin gunshots echoed as bullets broke the glass in the kitchen windows, exactly where Zaeed and John had been standing. After a moment, they cautiously crawled across the floor and peered around the cabinets on either side of the back door, just in time to see Bex fall to the ground.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments :)

“'Bout bloody time,” Zaeed muttered as Bex opened her eyes and looked around an unfamiliar room.

“I heard that. Where the hell am I?”

“Hospital in Newcastle. Sorry, half-pint. Couldn't be helped.”

She frowned as she tried and failed to sit up, her head falling back against the pillow in frustration. “What d'you mean it couldn't be helped?”

“One of the neighbors heard the gunshots and called the cops.”

“And?”

“And they insisted on bringing you to the goddamn hospital. Seemed to think a vet and a whatever they decided I was weren't equipped to deal with an _injury of this magnitude_ ,” he added sarcastically.

“What injury?”

“Injuries, really. You completely exhausted your biotics and you hit your head when you fell,” John said as he walked into the room, carrying a tray of food. “You... got shot, too.”

“I got shot?”

“Aye,” Zaeed said. “In the arm. Apparently, Vido's aim sucks in the dark.”

Bex shot up in the bed, ignoring the pain she could now feel in her left arm.  “Vido... what happened to  him ? Did the cops get him?”

Zaeed put a gently restraining hand on her arm. “Oi, slow down. You're gonna give yourself a heart attack.”

“No, the cops didn't get Vido,” John said, sitting on the edge of the bed. “He was gone by the time we even got outside, but they did take in the rest of his men.”

“Goddamn nuisance, those coppers,” Zaeed growled.

“Why? What happened?” Bex asked.

John shook his head. “If you're gonna play twenty questions, you're gonna have to eat, all right?” He placed a tray  within arm's reach  on the bed.

“Fine. What happened with the cops?” she asked again. She wrinkled her nose at most everything on the tray; it looked just as unappetizingas the 'food' she'd been forced to eat the last time she'd been in the hospital. She rolled her eyes when she realized no one was going to talk again until she took a bite of something, finally selecting the chocolate pudding. “So? Talk.”

“It took us over an hour to convince them that I was who I claimed to be,” John said. “And that none of your scars were because of abuse.”

“On _our_ part, anyway,” Zaeed added.

“Right.”

“How long was I out?” Bex asked around a mouthful of pudding.

“About twelve hours.”

“And one more question.” She nodded toward the woman standing in the doorway. “Who's that?”

John shrugged and Zaeed muttered, “No bloody clue” as she walked across the room.

“I'm Dr. Veronica Pearson,” the woman said, addressing Bex directly. “How are you feeling, Rebekah?”

“Bex.”

Dr. Pearson looked startled. “I'm sorry?”

“My name is Bex.”

“Oh, I see. Shall we start again?” she said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. “How are you feeling, _Bex_?”

“Fine,” Bex replied curtly, adding under her breath, “I do _not_ like her.”

Zaeed apparently heard her, as he suppressed a quiet chuckle.

“If you're done with your visit,” Dr. Pearson said. “I'd like to have a word with you and your father. Alone.”

Bex reached out and grabbed Zaeed's hand to keep him from leaving. “Whatever you have to say in front of Dad, you can say in front of Zaeed.”

Dr. Pearson frowned. “I don't know.” She glanced at Zaeed. “Are you family?”

“Yes,” said John and Bex together before he could respond.

The doctor didn't seem convinced but continued anyway, turning to John. “Dr. Shepard, are you aware that your daughter is a biotic?”

“Of course.”

“How long?”

“How long has she had the abilities or how long have I known?”

Dr. Pearson raised an eyebrow. “I would have assumed the answer to both questions would be the same.”

“It's a long, complex story that's frankly none of your business,” John said. “But I've known for about a year now.”

Dr. Pearson glanced at Bex. “And you've had your abilities how long?”

She shrugged. “Don't remember, really. I think since I was four?”

The doctor typed something into her omni-tool. “I see.”

“Why d'you want to know?” Bex asked, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

“The Alliance –”

“No.”

“No what? I haven't said anything for you to say no to.”

Bex shook her head. “I don't want anything to do with the Alliance.”

“They, we, have a program for biotic children, out on Jump Zero. We only want to help you understand your abilities, Bex.”

“Bullshit,” Zaeed muttered.

“Excuse me?”

“You don't give a shit about biotic kids understanding anything,” he snarled. “ _You_ want to understand it, so you can _exploit_ them and their abilities for your own goddamn purpose.”

“How would  _ you _ know anything about what the Alliance does and does not want?” Dr. Pearson snapped. She turned to John. “Dr. Shepard, if you would like to have a  _ rational _ conversation about your daughter's future, you may contact my office at Conatix  Industries .”

Without waiting for a response, she turned on her heel and stalked from the room.

Bex glanced at her father. “Please don't make me go away.”

It had been her biggest fear since the day they'd found each other again, that he'd get sick of her biotics and she'd end up back on the street. She'd met several biotics when she was with the Reds, and more than a few of them had been kicked out onto the street by their parents the moment they'd gained their abilities, just for being _different_.

The look in his eye did nothing to quell that fear. “I don't... know.”

“You're not really considering that bitch's offer, are you?” Zaeed asked. 

“You said yourself you were tired of being on the run,” John said, ignoring Zaeed and looking directly at Bex. “Being with other biotic children might be good for you.”

“I m-meant I just wanted a normal life, with you and Zaeed and Chip,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. She clenched and unclenched her hands a few times, trying to keep her emotions under control. “This is all my fucking fault. Shoulda just run last night like you wanted to.”

“Bex, I just want –”

She turned on her side so that her back faced Zaeed, and buried her face in the pillow so she wouldn't have to look at John. “Just go away. Tell the doctor lady I'll go wherever it is she was talking about.”

“Bex –”

“Go!”

“I'll talk to him,” Zaeed said quietly as John reluctantly got up and left. “I'll make him see that it's not a good idea.”

“Do what you want,” Bex mumbled into the pillow. “He won't listen.”

“We'll see.”

She heard him get up as well, and turned to look at him. “Zaeed?”

“Yeah, half-pint?”

“Make sure he takes care of Chip, okay?”

“He's a vet. He's not gonna let anything happen to Chip.”

Bex scoffed. “Yeah, well. He's supposed to be a dad too, and look how that's ended up.”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the long wait...

John had _somehow_ gotten talked out of sending Bex to the Alliance biotics program, at least for the time being. It had been partially because of Zaeed, and partially because he'd heard what Bex had said, about him failing as a father. There was just no way he could send her away when she felt like that.

When she was released from the hospital, he and Zaeed took her home and then let her stay home from school an extra week. And now John was cooking her favorite dinner while he waited for Zaeed to pick her up after her first day back at school.

John frowned when the back door opened but he couldn't hear Bex's usual chatter whenever Zaeed was the one to pick her up. He turned from the lasagna he was making when he heard an odd squelching sound. Zaeed was walking through the kitchen and was soaking wet.

“What happened?” John asked. “And where is Bex?” He still hadn't seen her, but Zaeed seemed to be holding something against his chest and under his coat.

John followed him into the bathroom upstairs and was surprised when he opened his coat and set Bex on her feet in the middle of the floor. She too was soaking wet, and shivering violently.

“What the hell happened to you?” John asked, handing her a large towel from the closet.

She shook her head and wrapped the towel around herself like a blanket before she walked across the hall to her room.

John raised an eyebrow at Zaeed. “I assume you know something about this?”

“'Course I bloody know,” Zaeed growled as he walked into his own room and stripped off his wet clothes. “Damn nosy bitch from next door was the one who called the cops the other night. She seems to have seen the whole goddamn thing, including Bex knocking out Vido's men with her biotics.”

“Oh shit.”

“She's got two kids. One's in Bex's class, the other's about five years older, goes to the school down the street. Apparently, she told them to stay away from the 'glowing freak.'”

“That's fascinating information,” John said, handing him a dry tee shirt from a drawer. “But you still haven't gotten to the part explaining how you both ended up looking like you jumped in a lake.”

“I jumped, she was tossed.”

“ _What?_ ”

“The brothers were following her home, tossed her in the lake at the park.” Zaeed pulled on a dry pair of jeans and sat on the bed. “Guess they figured she'd drown and problem bloody solved.”

“And you were _where_?” John asked, glaring at Zaeed.

“Wasn't his fault, Daddy.” They looked over to see Bex standing in the doorway, wearing dry clothes but still shivering. Chip was, as usual, standing beside her. “I left school before he got there because all the kids were giving me weird looks all day. Then Brent and Adrian followed me when I left.”

“I was walking by the lake when I saw them throw her in,” Zaeed said. “They ran off immediately and I jumped in to pull her out.”

“Thank you, Zaeed.” John crouched in front of Bex. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”

“Freezing my butt off, but yeah, I'm all right.” She ran her fingers through Chip's fur for a moment before she continued in a whisper, “You were right, Daddy.”

“Right about what?”

“About me going to freak camp.”

“Freak camp?”

She huffed impatiently. “That.. whatever place the mean doctor lady was talking about at the hospital.”

“You want to go?”

She shook her head. “I don't _want_ to go, but I won't go back to that school. I can't. Even the teachers were looking at me funny.”

“Bastards,” Zaeed muttered. “Why can't she just do the online school again?”

Bex's eyes lit up at the suggestion. Apparently, she hadn't thought of that option. She looked at John expectantly. “Can I, Daddy?”

* * *

> _From: Dr. V. Pearson_
> 
> _To: Dr. J. P. Shepard_
> 
> _Subj: re: My Daughter_
> 
> _It's your decision, Dr. Shepard, but I strongly urge you to reconsider. Rebekah would be well taken care of in our program. She would be around children who understand her and have gone through the same things she has._
> 
> _I look forward to hearing from you in the not-too-distant future._
> 
> _-Veronica Pearson_

* * *

Though they all tried to pretend everything was as normal as it would ever get for their odd little family, Zaeed kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. Vido wasn't going to take the arrest of his men sitting down. He was going to retaliate. And just like with Pike and the Reds, Bex was going to get hurt the most.

But once again, Vido seemed to be trying to lull them into a false sense of security. Nothing out of the ordinary happened for nearly six months.

And then all hell broke loose. Again.

Zaeed had only been taking local bounties, ones that would take him no further from home than the Scottish border. But a few weeks after Bex's 11th birthday, a contract came along that was just impossible to pass up. So he left.

A week later, while he was doing surveillance on the target, he received an urgent message from John's assistant, Jamie. She'd just gotten the news that John and Bex had been in a skycar accident on their way to the office. John had been killed as the skycar flipped several times on impact. Bex had been taken to the local hospital, but Jamie wasn't sure how long she would be there or how extensive her injuries were. As a post script, Jamie said she had gone by the house and picked up Chip and would keep him as long as necessary.

Zaeed immediately abandoned his surveillance and hopped on a transport back to Newcastle. If anything happened to Bex because he'd left, he'd never forgive himself.

By the time he reached the hospital, he discovered she'd been taken to an Alliance hospital in London. That could only mean that Dr. Pearson was going to try to get her paws on her again.

When Zaeed finally arrived at the Alliance hospital, he found Bex in isolation, both restrained and sedated.

“What the bloody hell is going on here?” he asked the first doctor he could find. “She's not a goddamn criminal.”

“She seriously injured two EMTs who tried to examine her at the crash site,” the doctor said. “And then she... well, she's out of control. Her biotics are unstable at best.”

“Ah, Mr. Massani. A... pleasure to see you again.” Zaeed turned and saw Dr. Pearson walking toward him.

“You stay away from her,” he growled. “She's not going to that place.”

“She is, actually,” Dr. Pearson said with a look of savage triumph. “She'll be leaving for Jump Zero the moment her biotics are stable.”

“What the hell gives you the goddamn right?”

“The law, Mr. Massani. When a child becomes a danger to themselves or others, the Alliance is obligated to bring them into the program.”

Zaeed stood between Dr. Pearson and the doorway to Bex's room. “You can't do this! Have a heart, woman. She's just upset, not a goddamn danger. She just lost her father.”

“Calm down or I will have you removed from the premises,” she snapped. “We're keeping her here for a few days, so you are more than welcome to stay with her, provided you can keep your temper under control.”

Zaeed growled but stepped aside to allow the doctor into the room. He knew he had to keep a level head. Bex needed him now more than ever.

* * *

> _From: Zaeed Massani_
> 
> _To: Jamie Ingram_
> 
> _Subj: re: Anything I Can Do?_
> 
> _I'm going to be in London for at least the next few days. I'll be by to pick up Chip after Bex leaves. I doubt this bitch of a doctor will let her go back to Newcastle to see him. Then again, don't be surprised if you suddenly have an 11-year-old runaway on your doorstep. Bex is notorious for running away from bad situations._
> 
> _Thanks for looking after Chip._
> 
> _-Zaeed_

* * *

“Daddy's dead.” That was practically all Bex would say once the sedation wore off. It seemed she'd lost the will to fight, had resigned herself to going to Dr. Pearson's biotics program. Nothing Zaeed said made a difference, until the day she was supposed to leave.

While they spent a final few minutes together at the dock, Bex looked Zaeed dead in the eye. “It wasn't an accident. It was Vido, or one of his men, anyway.”

Zaeed had suspected as much but asked anyway, “How d'you know?”

“I recognized the driver of the car that crashed into us. It was one of the guys who came looking for me the night you were shot. One of the ones I attacked.” There was a determined look set on her face as she got up from the table when the PA system announced her flight. “I guess this is me.”

He crouched down and pulled her into a hug. “Be safe, and... try to have fun. Okay?”

She nodded. “Promise me something, Zaeed.”

“Anything, half-pint.”

“Find a way to take me with you when you kill Vido.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

Bex sat alone at the back of the transport to Jump Zero, wishing she'd reacted different after the crash, done anything other than lashing out. She'd beaten herself up about losing control like that with the EMTs. She'd been so paranoid that the guy who hit them was going to come back and take her to Vido that she hadn't figured some people were actually around to help.

At least she'd gotten to say good-bye to Zaeed. Before she'd boarded the transport, he'd promised he would still be around whenever the program was over, that she'd always have a place to come home to.

“All right, people. We're here,” the pilot said, bringing Bex back to reality. “Gather your belongings and head into the main hall.”

An hour later, they'd all been assigned bunks and gotten uniforms, and been informed of all the rules. Bex had spent the entire time daydreaming about breaking every last one of them.

As the group walked into the mess hall for dinner, all eyes were on them. Bex quickly got her food and flat out ignored the tables that were quickly filling. Instead, she walked to the far side of the room and sat at an empty table. She sat in silence for awhile, picking at her food. By rights, she should have been shoveling it in, seeing as she'd mainly been on IVs for more than a week. But the meatloaf and mashed potatoes did nothing more than make her miss her dad and Zaeed. And she'd nearly bawled when she saw the chocolate chip cookies for dessert.

“Not interested,” she growled, not looking up from her plate when she saw the shadow of someone standing on the other side of the table. “Keep walkin'.”

They ignored her and sat down. “I'm Kaidan.”

“I. Am. Not. Interested.”

He laughed. “Nice to meet you, Not Interested.”

She finally looked up and glared at him. “What do you want with me?”

“You looked lonely.” He shrugged. “Figured you could use a friend.”

“I don't _have_ friends.”

Kaidan frowned. “Never?”

She wilted a little as she looked back down at her plate and shook her head. “Had one, still do really. But mostly I just have people I... don't hate.”

“That may be the saddest thing I've ever heard.”

She shrugged. “It is what it is.”

“Is that why you were sitting by yourself?”

“Dunno. I just... I'm used to being alone around other kids. It's... better that way. No one gets hurt.”

“Everybody's in the same boat, here. I don't think there's anyone who hasn't accidentally hurt someone with their biotics.”

“Wasn't...” She shook her head and sighed. After a moment, she added, “I'm Bex.”

Kaidan smiled. “Nice to meet you. Seriously.”

“You too.”

She finally really looked at him. He was older, maybe 13 or 14, with dark eyes and darker hair.

“So where are you from?” Kaidan asked, pulling a couple of cookies from his pocket.

She swallowed hard, and then chastised herself for getting emotional, twice, over a fucking _cookie_ , before she answered. “All over.”

“Alliance brat?”

“Not since I was three or four.” She shook her head. “It's... complicated. You?”

“Born in Singapore and raised mostly in Vancouver. Dad was Alliance, a long time ago. Retired before the war.”

“Vancouver? Really? I was born there. Haven't lived there since I was about four.”

“Be glad. Most boring city ever, especially for a kid.” He looked at her with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Never would have pegged you for a Canuck. You sound... English?”

“Yeah, spent most of my life in London and a bit in Newcastle. There was a chunk of it spent on Omega though.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Omega Space Station in the Terminus Systems?”

“Not nearly as exciting as it seems, I swear.” She quickly changed the subject. Omega was definitely something she didn't want to talk about, at the moment. “Is it true that there's no outside communications here?”

“Unfortunately, yeah. They apparently think we'll have a better experience or something if we're cut off from our families.”

“How long's it been since you talked to yours?”

“About a year and a half.”

Bex swore under her breath. “How do you stand it, being cut off from everybody?”

Kaidan grinned. “We make _friends_.”


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comment. and as promised, teen!Kaidan's face reference is at the end of this chapter :)

“Happy anniversary,” Kaidan said as he sat down next to Bex at breakfast one morning. She looked at him with such a bewildered expression he couldn't help but laugh as he clarified. “You've lasted a whole year here.”

“It's been a _year_?” She shook her head and scoffed. “It really seems like just yesterday I was fighting the urge to punch Dr. Pearson in the throat, because she kept harping on me coming here.”

Tamara Faulkner, a seventeen-year-old only a month or two from joining the Alliance, sat on Bex's other side. “Yeah, that woman's a... piece of work.”

“She the one who _recruited_ you too?” Bex asked, adding bacon to the monstrous sandwich she was building.

Tamara nodded. “She was very... ugh. Bugged my parents for months before they finally gave in.”

“Sounds familiar.” Bex put the finishing touches on her sandwich, and then pushed it away.

Kaidan frowned. It wasn't like her not to eat. Not lately anyway. “Something wrong?”

“Just miss my dad, a lot. If I've been here a year, that means it's been a year since he...” She trailed off and wrapped her sandwich in a napkin before she got up from the table. “I'll see you guys later.”

Tamara glanced at Kaidan as they watched her cross the mess, snag an orange juice from the bar and head for the door. “What the hell was that about?”

“No idea.” Though Bex had quickly fit in to their little circle, she had never revealed any of her past, never mentioned a family. Before this, they'd all pretty much assumed that she was an orphan Dr. Pearson had picked up off the street. The woman was _pushy_ , to say the least, but Bex was by far the youngest she'd ever sent there.

Kaidan stood up and picked up his tray. “I'm gonna go after her. Save us a seat?”

Tamara nodded. “Don't y'all be late, okay? That new instructor, the turian, is supposed to get here today.”

It didn't take Kaidan long to find Bex, sitting alone on a bench in the commons, picking at – but not eating – the sandwich in her lap.

“Wanna talk about it?” he asked.

She shrugged but said nothing. They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes before she finally spoke. “My dad... we were in a skycar _accident_ about a week and a half before I got sent here. He died, and I sort of... freaked out and ended up putting two EMTs in hospital.” She looked down at the shredded remains of her sandwich and sighed heavily. “That's how... _why_ I ended up here.”

“What do you mean? Dr. Pearson _made_ you come here, no choice?”

“Exactly. She claimed I was unstable and needed to learn how to control my biotics. She'd been hounding my dad for about six months, trying to get him to send me here. With him _out of the way_ , she saw an opportunity and took it.”

“What a bitch.” Kaidan frowned. “You said she kept going after your dad. She never bothered your mom?”

Bex shook her head. “Died in the First Contact War.”

“Sorry.”

She shrugged. “'S okay. I don't really remember her much at all.”

The alarm sounded then, alerting everyone it was time for assembly. Bex shoved a handful of bacon in her mouth and deposited the rest of the sandwich into the closest trash can as she and Kaidan made their way to the hall where they were supposed to meet their new instructor.

Kaidan shook his head. “You're gonna pay for that later, not eating breakfast.”

“I know. Just... wasn't hungry.” She rolled her eyes when he looked at her with concern. “I'll make up for it at lunch, 'k?”

“Fine. But don't think I won't say I told you so if you get into trouble during morning lessons.”

She stuck her tongue out at him. “Such a _caring_ friend you are.”

“Where the hell have you two been?” asked Tamara's boyfriend Morgan, as Kaidan and Bex walked up to the back row and took seats beside him. “You're close to being late.”

“Yes, but the important part is we're _not_ ,” Bex retorted, seconds before Colonel Whitmore, the program's head instructor, walked onto the stage at the top of the lecture hall. A scarred turian followed and stood just behind him as he addressed the room.

“Good morning, cadets. As most of you have heard by now, we have a new instructor joining us. Please help me welcome Commander Vyrnnus.”

The applause in the hall was underwhelming as Vyrnnus stood up and took the podium. The majority of the kids had been affected in some way by the First Contact War and had been raised with an intolerance for turians in general.

Kaidan glanced to his left when he felt a hand grab his arm as Vyrnuus started to speak. “You okay?” he muttered to Bex, who was staring straight ahead, looking somewhere over the turian's head.

She quickly eased her iron grip. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for.”

“Y'all, shut up!” Tamara hissed from down the row, nodding toward the front of the room.

Kaidan looked over at her and then up at the podium. Vyrnnus had stopped talking and was staring at them.

“If there's something you'd like to share with the rest of us,” he began in any icy tone. “Or may I continue?”

“No,” Kaidan said. “I mean yes,” quickly adding “Sir” when Morgan elbowed him in the side.

Vyrnuus glared at them a moment more and then continued his speech, glancing up at the back row every once in awhile.

And in that moment, Kaidan knew they were all going to end up paying for that little distraction, one way or another.

He found he was all too right about his prediction, though _he_ wasn't Vyrnnus' target, at least not at first. Instead, the turian seemed to have it out for Bex. Kaidan suspected it had a lot to do with the fact that because she was by far the smallest, she was almost always front and center during lessons so she could see.

He knew it was equally probable it had something to do with her reaction to the way Vyrnnus introduced himself during his first lesson, the day after the assembly hall incident.

“Straight lines, eyes front!” Vyrnnus barked as everyone filed into the room. When they were assembled to his satisfaction, he looked around at each of them as he continued. “I am not here to be your friend or confidant or whatever the hell it is you humans see your instructors as. I am here to teach you how to control your biotics and how to use them effectively in combat situations. I will teach you the methods I used during what your Alliance calls the First Contact War.”

There was an immediate buzz of apprehensive grumbling among the cadets. As Kaidan looked around, he saw the majority of them staring daggers at Vyrnnus, including Bex.

The turian immediately picked up on it and walked over to stand directly in front of her. “Ah, one of the ones who saw fit not to pay attention yesterday.”

Bex said nothing.

“I wonder if you knew I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father.”

There was a collective gasp of shock as the entire group looked on to see how Bex would react.

She shook her head. “Not bloody possible, _Commander_.”

“Your mother, then?” he said with what was unmistakably the turian version of a sneer.

Kaidan glanced at Morgan and grimaced. Bex had essentially given up her life story the night before while their group was playing cards, so they all knew how much of a punch in the gut that taunt had to be for her.

Kaidan prayed she wouldn't take the bait, and closed his eyes a moment later when she lunged forward. Seconds later, he saw a flash of blue behind his eyelids and heard a dull _thunk_. He looked over and saw Bex sitting on the floor up against the wall, looking rather dazed. He took a step toward her, even as Vyrnnus told him to stop and leave her where she was.

Kaidan ignored him and pulled Bex to her feet, moving her to stand between him and Morgan.

“That was lesson number one, cadets,” Vyrnnus said, a look of loathing on his face as he glanced at Kaidan again. “Emotion has _no_ place on the battlefield. Emotion will get you killed. Period.” He waved dismissively toward the door. “Now get out of my sight.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> teen!Kaidan face reference: http://pin.it/oqd064V


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, y'all!

“What the hell do you mean _she's missing_?” Zaeed growled, glaring at the man on the vid-comm. “I thought you people were all about your goddamn security being tight.”

“Um... yes. It seems one of the older children found a way to hack our communications array, making it possible for a few of them to send messages to their families.”

“I had wondered about that,” Zaeed muttered. He'd received a short message from Bex a few days ago, but nothing since. “So how exactly does this tie into my d... into Bex going missing from your station?”

Colonel Whitmore seemed exceptionally nervous  now. “It's a... long story. Suffice to say that I believe she stowed away on a ship that was bound for Earth  yesterday morning.”

“What the hell has been going on in that place? She's been there a year and a half, seemed happy enough in the short message she sent.”

“As I said, it's a long story. There were... mistakes were made. And one of her friends was let go from the program and went home. It wasn't long after that we discovered she was gone.”

“Where does this friend live?”

“Vancouver, I believe.”

Zaeed sighed. “I dunno what she thinks she's going to do once she gets there. If anything has happened to her, you bastards are –” He glanced over his shoulder as he heard a noise on the back stairs. “I'll be in touch.”

He disconnected the vid-comm and quickly walked into the hall. He didn't see anyone there, but also didn't hear Chip, which was odd. He was usually more reliable than the damn security system.

Zaeed walked up the stairs, looking for any sign of _anyone_. Finally, he looked into Bex's room, still set up the way she'd left it, and stopped dead in the doorway. As far as he could tell, she was taller (about bloody time, he thought) and unbelievably thin, but the girl curled up on the bed, with Chip already beside her, was unmistakably his not-so-little half-pint.

“How the bloody hell did you get here?” he asked, stepping into the room.

She raised her head and grinned. “Happy Christmas, Zaeed.”

He walked over to sit on the edge of the bed and pulled her into a hug. “That didn't answer my question. But happy Christmas to you too,” he added with a grin of his own when she rolled her eyes at him. “Hungry?”

Her eyes lit up and she hopped off the bed. “Starved.”

“Didn't they feed you in that place? You look like you haven't eaten in weeks.”

She shrugged. “Wasn't like they force-fed us. We did get in trouble if we didn't eat. I learned that the hard way.”

Zaeed frowned. “What do you mean you learned it the hard way?”

“Never mind. So you've actually stayed put all this time?”

“Oh no. You answer my questions first,” he said as he started pulling things out of the cabinets and the fridge to make _something_ , he wasn't sure what, for dinner. “How did you get here and why did you leave Jump Zero?”

“It's a long story.”

“That's what that idiot who called me said.”

“Colonel Whitmore?”

“That's the one. So someone is going to tell me what the hell is going on. Since I'm not about to call him back, it's on you.”

She sighed heavily as she sat at the counter to watch him work. “About six months ago, Conatix or the Alliance, I dunno which, hired a bunch of turian mercs as instructors. Kaidan and I ended up on the leader's bad side pretty much immediately. He's been trying to break us ever since.”

Zaeed slammed his fist onto the counter at her last statement, sending a knife to the floor. “Break you how?” he asked as he retrieved the knife and tossed it into the sink. “And who's Kaidan?”

“He's my... best friend.” She sighed again. “Vyrnnus would always pick one or both of us for demonstrations, and then make us do it over and over even if we did it right the first time. He exhausted our biotics more than a few times, denied us water breaks all the time, though that was everybody, not just me and Kaidan.”

“Guess that's what Whitmore meant by _mistakes were made_?”

She nodded. “Vyrnnus was... ruthless. Pretty sure he hated humans too.”

“Was?”

“He's dead. Broken neck from a biotic kick.”

Zaeed raised an eyebrow. “You?”

Bex scoffed. “You're joking, right? I may have finally hit my growth spurt, grown six inches in the last year, but I'm nowhere near tall enough to kick him in the head. No, it was Kaidan.”

“The turian sounds like a massive dick, but what the hell did he do to deserve that?”

“Oh, he didn't do it on purpose. Well, he kicked him in the head on purpose, self-defense actually. But he didn't mean to kill him. Kaidan just... lost control.” She snagged an orange from the counter and spent several minutes carefully peeling it before she spoke again. “You got my message?”

“I did.”

“The kid who rigged the comm system got caught, by Vyrnnus. When no one would step up as an accomplice, he decided to punish all of us. He made us build from a schematic he had, but we could only use our biotics. Easy for me, not so much for most of the rest. We were allowed to take a water break, but again, we could only use our biotics. Well, this one girl, Rahna, who was fucking terrified of Vyrnnus, made the mistake of reaching for a glass of water. He flipped out and broke her arm.”

“Fucking hell.”

“Kaidan confronted Vyrnnus, they got into a fight and Kaidan got his ass handed to him. I know the feeling. The tension between them went on for a couple of days, Vyrnnus taunting Kaidan to come after him. But unlike _some of us_ ,” she said bitterly. “Kaidan wasn't stupid enough to take the bait. Until Vyrnnus confronted him with a knife at dinner two days ago. They got into it again, Vyrnnus punched him and then lunged at him with the knife, so Kaidan kicked him, caught him in the chin and...” She shuddered. “It was... horrible.”

“So Kaidan was the one who got sent home?”

She nodded. “I think Rahna probably left too, but since her parents are in India, I'm glad I snuck onto the right ship.”

“ _Why_ did you sneak onto _any_ ship?” Zaeed asked as he set a plate of grilled ham and swiss sandwiches in front of Bex. “And again, how did you get here? Whitmore said Kaidan lives in Vancouver.”

“Kaidan and Rahna were the last of our circle of friends, and Rahna didn't like me much. Everybody else had already graduated, ages ago. I wasn't about to be stuck there alone again. There were already rumors spreading that the Alliance was gonna shut down the program anyway.”

“I see.”

“As for how I got here, I hung out at the docks 'til I found a ship that was heading to Edinburgh. Then I took a train from there to here.”

“How? You don't have any credits.”

She shrugged.  “That's what I thought, too. But I still had some left from what you and Dad gave me my last birthday here.”

“Crazy little half-pint.” Zaeed shook his head. “I'm just glad you're all right. You are, right?”

“Yeah. Glad to be home. I missed you guys.”

“We missed you, too.” He laughed as Chip jumped up to put his paws on Bex's lap and stole one of her sandwiches. “Welcome home.”


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year!

“No,” Zaeed said for what felt like the millionth time in the last month and a half. “Absolutely not. Hell no.”

He sighed as he watched Bex's head fell to the counter with a  _thunk_ . She'd been trying to convince him to let her visit Kaidan for a few days. He'd said no. Repeatedly. In as many languages as he could think of, which admittedly was only three.

Eventually, she'd switched tactics and asked if Kaidan could come stay with them for a few days. Zaeed had given the same response.

_No. Non._ _Níl aon._

And yet, she kept trying. She must have figured if she asked enough, she'd eventually wear him down. Clearly she didn't know just how stubborn he could be. But he knew it was likely she was a hell of a lot more stubborn than she'd ever shown as well.

“Why not?” she asked, again, as she raised her head and rubbed her forehead where it had hit the countertop.

He shook his head. “I already told you why not.”

“Because I might uncover repressed childhood memories is not a valid reason,” she argued. “I don't _have_ any repressed memories. I flat-out remember all the bad shit. Hell, I've _told_ you about literally all the bad shit that's ever happened to me.”

“You don't know that. Besides, I don't like the idea of you spending time with a boy I don't know. Especially one who's... how old is he?”

“He's not that much older, just turned fifteen a couple of months ago. I'll be thirteen in six weeks.”

“Nope, too goddamn old.”

“I _knew_ you were gonna say that.” She sighed. “Not like I'd be going alone. You'd be coming with me.”

“Damn right I would. But you're still not going.” He held up a hand. “And no, he's still not coming here.”

She huffed in frustration and stomped her way out of the kitchen.

He sighed and went back to needlessly cleaning the assault rifle he'd given himself for Christmas. The one he'd yet to fire.

Where the bloody hell had the little girl he'd taken off the streets gone? He felt like he'd missed out on so much of her childhood, though John would have given him a look if he'd ever dared to say that out loud. Much the same way Noah had done numerous times over the years. There had been many days in the weeks since Bex had come home that he'd wanted to turn to John or Noah for advice, though neither of them had had any more experience with pre-teen girls than he did.

He'd also found himself wondering if Olivia would have been this goddamn stubborn. He'd come to the conclusion that she definitely would have; it would have been a fucking necessity to live with her bitch of a mother. But Zaeed also knew he'd have eventually found out what had been happening with her mother and found a way to take Olivia away from all that. Just like he'd done for Bex.

But what would have happened to Bex if he hadn't been there to intervene? That was one thing he preferred not to think about. Ever.

“Tell me the real reason you won't let me go.” Zaeed looked up to find Bex standing beside him, glaring at him. “It has to be some other thing than _he's too old_ or whatever that was about repressed memories. That's just... stupid.”

“It's not stupid, but you're right. Neither of those aren't the real reason.”

“So what is it? You don't want me to have friends? You want me to be alone, like you?”

_Ouch._

“I _had_ friends, Bex. They're all dead or... the reason the others are dead.”

Something suddenly seemed to click in her head, as she switched subjects abruptly. “I was gone for a year and a half. Why didn't you ever go after Vido?”

“How d'you know I didn't?”

“Because you _promised_ you'd take me with you if you did.”

“That's true,” he conceded. “But that doesn't mean I wasn't looking for him. I stayed in London a couple of weeks after you left, searching for him or any of his men. But that warehouse he _bought_ from Pike was long-abandoned. I kept looking, but never saw a trace of him.”

“Maybe he's on Omega again?”

“I thought of that too, but last I heard from Aria, she hadn't seen any sign of them.”

Aria T'Loak, an asari and the leader of Omega, was a good friend of Zaeed and had helped him find the initial compound where the Blue Suns had started out. She'd also been intrigued by Bex and her biotics and taught her a few things.

“So what, he's just... somewhere out in the galaxy?”

“Seems that way. I was surprised he didn't come after me during the year and a half you were gone. He'd have had plenty of chances.”

“Did you _want_ him to?”

“Not especially, no. I doubt I would have survived going up against them alone.”

She stared at him intently. “So how do we find him? He's the real reason you won't let me go see Kaidan, isn't he?”

“If it's the only reason you'll believe, then yes.” Zaeed shook his head. “As for how to find Vido, I have no bloody idea.”

“Well, think of something, and fast.” She sighed heavily. “I promise, I won't run away if I don't get my way, or whatever. But Kaidan is pretty much my only friend. Or the only one I have even a slim chance of getting you to let me see.”

“What's wrong with the other ones?”

“They're all a _lot_ older than Kaidan, and in the Alliance.”

Though Zaeed knew at some point, possibly years down the road, he was going to regret this decision, he finally relented. “Fine. Tell Kaidan you can visit for a few days.” He put a hand on top of her head to turn her to face him. “But you have to finish all your current coursework, for the entire rest of the year. So... sometime in the summer. And if I get a lead on Vido, you have to be prepared to leave immediately. All right?”

She nodded with a huge grin plastered on her face before she bounced out of the room, Chip following cautiously behind.

* * *

>  
> 
> _From: Bex_
> 
> _To: Kaidan_
> 
> _Subj: He Said Yes!_
> 
> _He really actually said yes!! I have to wait 'til summer, but that's all right._
> 
> _Hope you're doing okay. Message me whenever if you need to talk._
> 
> _-Bex_


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the lovely comment and kudos :)

“So, what d'you want to do today?” Zaeed asked when Bex and Chip walked down the stairs and into the kitchen on her 13th birthday.

She settled on a bar stool and drained the entire glass of orange juice Zaeed set in front of her before she answered. “I want to learn how to shoot.”

He raised an eyebrow. “What brought this on?”

She shrugged. “Can't always rely on my biotics, and if I'm gonna start going with you on bounties –”

“Whoa, just hold on one goddamn minute. Who said you were going with me on jobs?”

She gave him a look, one she'd undoubtedly learned from Noah. “I'm not Chip. You can't just leave me at Jamie's place every time you go out of town. She's a vet, not a babysitter.”

Bex had a fucking point. And it wasn't like she was helpless and couldn't defend herself.

Zaeed sighed. “All right, I'll teach you how to shoot. But pistols only, at least 'til you're older.”

“Why?”

“I don't want you to end up in the hospital because you got injured by kickback from a shotgun or some shit.”

“Oh.” She looked at him expectantly. “So when do we start?”

He shook his head. “I get that you're eager, half-pint, but maybe eat breakfast first? And don't think you'll be starting out actually shooting the damn thing. I'm teaching you safety and maintenance first.”

She rolled her eyes and huffed impatiently. “Fine.”

When he turned to the stove to start making breakfast, he could hear her grumbling to herself as she got up to feed Chip. “Besides going with me on jobs, what exactly brought this on? You didn't even hesitate when I asked what you wanted to do today, so you must have been planning to ask me anyway. This can't just be because you're 13 now, right?”

“Vido. I want him out of my head.”

“What's he done lately to _put_ him in your head?” 

She shrugged. “Nothing. But that's the problem, isn't it? He waits and waits, and we just sit around and  _let_ him  run the show .”

“I told you, I don't have a damn clue where he's hiding. How d'you expect to find him?”

“We go looking for him,” she said matter-of-factly.

Zaeed bit back a laugh. “Oh, it's that easy, is it? Just... go looking for him.”

“Yup. If we go looking for him, he'll hear about it. Then he'll come looking for us.”

Zaeed sighed again. “Yes, and that's when the trouble starts.”

“So be it. I... need this to be over. I need him _gone_.”

He set a plate of chocolate chip waffles on the counter in front of her and kissed the top of her head. “I know, half-pint. Me too.”

* * *

> _From: Kaidan_
> 
> _To: Bex_
> 
> _Subj: re: Happy Birthday!_
> 
> _If you've gotten good enough by the time you get here (he's still letting you come here, right?), we can do target practice in the field behind the house._
> 
> _I'm all right. Mom keeps coddling me, treating me like I'm gonna break or something. Dad is... I dunno. I'm fifteen, right? He keeps trying to convince me that joining the Alliance is still the way to go. But, at the minimum, I’ve still got 2 ½ years to decide, so I dunno why he keeps talking about it like I could be going to the recruitment office in a matter of days._
> 
> _They both can't wait to meet you though. Just don't be surprised if my mom tries to continually stuff food in your mouth and claims you're skinny. Says that to me all the damn time. She still doesn't quite understand the fact that biotics have faster metabolisms than other people. Or she just doesn't believe it. I dunno._
> 
> _Dad said he's gonna message Zaeed soon, to work out the details of the visit and all. See you soon-ish._
> 
> _Can't wait!_
> 
> _-Kaidan_

* * *

Bex was much more attentive than Zaeed had thought she was capable of as he walked her through gun safety and cleaning. And when, nearly a month later, he took her to the gun range for the first time, she immediately took to shooting like a fish takes to water. It wasn't long before she was hitting the target dead center nine times out of ten. He had a feeling she was imagining the target was Vido.

Or possibly Dr. Pearson. He knew Bex was still exceptionally bitter about the bitch forcing her into the biotics program, even if it _was_ where she'd made her first real friends.

Zaeed sighed heavily whenever he thought of the upcoming trip to Vancouver. He'd had a lengthy conversation with the kid's father, not only discussing details of the trip, but what had happened on Jump Zero. Apparently, unlike the message Zaeed had received from Bex saying everything was fine, Kaidan's message to his parents, while short and nonspecific, had indicated trouble was brewing. They'd still been understandably caught off-guard by the official call they'd received from Colonel Whitmore a day later.

“I'd never in my unlikeliest nightmares imagined something like that happening,” Jared Alenko said. “And approved by the Alliance no less. Such a shame.”

Zaeed played along, keeping his feelings about the Alliance to himself. Bex would never forgive him if he somehow screwed up this visit before it ever even happened.

“So. Beginning of July work for you?” Jared asked. “Shouldn't be _too_ godawful hot then.”

Zaeed nodded. “I'll tell you now, we may have to up and leave on short notice. It's complicated, but if I get a lead on a bounty I've been following for awhile, I'm not going to be able to just let that go.”

“Understood. Though Bex is more than welcome to stay with us if that happens.”

“Generous offer, but I don't think she's going to want to stay behind.”

Jared looked as if he wanted to say something but immediately thought better of it and merely smiled instead. “We'll see you in a couple of months then.”

“Looking forward to it.” Zaeed heard a high-pitched squeal behind him as the screen went dark and turned a moment before Bex launched herself at him.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He cringed slightly when she squealed again. “You're the best!”

He chuckled as he tried in vain to pry her arms from around his neck. “Anything for you, half-pint. Now go finish today's lesson before I go goddamn deaf.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the lovely comment and the kudos :)
> 
> apologies for the delay in posting

 

> _From: Kaidan_
> 
> _To: Bex_
> 
> _Subj: Suggestion_
> 
> _Mom made a suggestion last night about what we could do while you're here. We could go skiing at Whistler. It's only a couple of hours from here, and you guys could probably fly straight here instead of to Vancouver itself._
> 
> _Let me know what you think. I wasn't kidding when I said Vancouver is boring, especially in the summer, but if you want to see the city, we can do that too._
> 
> _-K_
> 
>   
>  _From: Bex_
> 
> _To: Kaidan_
> 
> _Subj: re: Suggestion_
> 
> _I've never been skiing before, but it sounds fun to me! Zaeed gave me a very weird look when I mentioned it, but he said if that's what we want to do then it's okay with him._
> 
> _I might want to see parts of the city, I kinda want to see the neighborhood where my grandfather lived, though I'm sure Zaeed will say it'll be triggering. But we can do that any time, doesn't have to be this trip._
> 
> _See you in a week!!_
> 
> _-B_

* * *

“Oh my god, could you go any slower?” Bex growled in frustration and grabbed Zaeed's hand to try and make him walk faster. He'd been dragging his feet since the moment they'd left the house and now that they were finally in Whistler and on their way to meet Kaidan, she'd had enough.

He grumbled something unintelligible and walked _slightly_ faster.

She rolled her eyes. “Will you quit complaining? You haven't been on a vacation in... um... well literally as long as I've known you. This will be good for you.”

“Bloody doubtful.” He gestured toward one of the posts near the door of the station. “That them?”

Bex narrowed her eyes to get a better look and then nodded enthusiastically as she spotted Kaidan, standing next to a woman who could only be his mother. They shared the same dark hair and whiskey-brown eyes.

Kaidan closed the distance between them and picked Bex up off her feet and swung her around in a bear hug. They were both slightly dizzy by the time he set her on her feet in front of his mother. “Mom, this is –”

“Bex, of course!” Bex found herself wrapped in a bone-crushing hug, surprising given the small stature of the woman giving it. “We've heard so much about you! Kaidan's talked non-stop about you for months now.”

“ _Mom!_ ”

Bex giggled and dragged Zaeed over from where he'd been awkwardly standing a few feet behind her. “This is –” She paused and chewed her lip, unsure of exactly how Kaidan might have described the relationship to his parents.

“Zaeed,” he said after a moment. “I'm her... uncle.”

“It's wonderful to have you both here,” Mrs. Alenko said, smiling warmly. “I'm so glad you could come.”

Kaidan and Bex stayed a few feet behind the adults as they all walked to the shuttle that would take them up to the resort.

“So far so good,” he muttered. “Wonder how long it'll last?”

“Probably 'til somebody mentions the Alliance,” she said grimly. “Then all bets are off.”

“Zaeed hates the Alliance that much?”

“I'm not all that fond of them myself, but Z?” She shuddered, remembering the numerous arguments he and John had gotten into. “I'd rather not witness it.”

Kaidan wrapped an arm around her shoulders and tugged her against him. “So long as no one mentions future plans for either of us, or wants to talk about what happened at Jump Zero, I think we'll be all right.”

Bex wasn't quite as confident as he seemed to be but nodded along and then changed the subject. “So just how popular _is_ summer skiing?”

“Pretty popular, especially with people who live in warmer places.” He smirked. “So, ya know, not you guys so much.”

She laughed. “Yeah, Zaeed wasn't really sold on the skiing thing, but he's not exactly the vacation type anyway.”

* * *

 

> _From: Bex Shepard_
> 
> _To: Jamie Ingram_
> 
> _Subj: It Happened Again_
> 
> _Just a heads up that, once again, we're staying longer than we planned. There may have been an incident involving a tree and a certain someone who decided he was too goddamn old to be a beginner and insisted on going on a not-beginner course. He's in hospital with a broken ankle and a couple of broken ribs, but he's okay. _
> 
> _Say hi to Chip for me._
> 
> _-Bex_
> 
>   
> 
> 
> _From: Jamie Ingram_
> 
> _To: Bex Shepard_
> 
> _Subj: re: It Happened Again_
> 
> _At least this time it really was an accident, and everyone's (relatively) all right. How long will Zaeed have to stay in hospital?_
> 
> _Chip barked, a lot, when I told him you said hi. And then he got over it and started chasing Oliver._
> 
> _Hope you can still have some fun. And try to keep Zaeed (and yourself) out of anymore trouble._
> 
> _-Jamie_

* * *

Bex spent the next couple of days at the hospital, keeping Zaeed company, and because it was Alliance-run, making sure he didn't try to kill any of the doctors.

“You are the single most stubborn human I have ever met,” she groused when he tried to check himself out after only a few hours. “You have to realize not everyone at a hospital is out to get you. Most times, _no one_ is.”

“Uh huh. And how well did that work for you, last time you were in hospital?”

She rolled her eyes. “I said _most_ , not all. 'Sides, you're just a cranky old man who refuses to listen to anyone, not a super-special freak who glows.”

“Bex...”

“Sorry. I know I said I wouldn't do that anymore.” She glared at him. “I still stand by my statement of you being a cranky old man though.”

“Noted. Well, don't let my _crankiness_ ruin your vacation, half-pint. Go on, go have fun with Kaidan.”

Bex narrowed her eyes in suspicion.

“What?”

“Who are you and what have you done with Zaeed?”

He chuckled for a second and then groaned in pain. “What's wrong?”

“ _My_ Zaeed wouldn't want me going anywhere without him, because I'm oh so fragile and might break at any second.”

He frowned and carefully reached out to pull her onto the bed with him. “That's not how I really treat you, is it?”

She shrugged. “Sometimes feels that way.”

“I'm sorry, I honestly don't mean to. I know you can take care of yourself.” He hugged her close. “You _do_ have a habit of getting into tricky situations though.”

“And I almost always figure a way out of them _on my own_.” She huffed impatiently. “Not to mention getting _your_ stubborn ass out of situations, _on my own_.”

“Getting yourself shot is not getting _me_ out of a situation.”

“Better my arm than you dead,” she insisted. She wrapped her arms around his neck for a moment. “I love you, Zaeed, even if you are stubborn _and_ cranky.”

He shook his head with a quiet laugh. “I love you too, half-pint. Now go on. Go have fun. And –”

She rolled her eyes and mouthed the words as he said them. “Be careful.”


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and the lovely comment :)

Coming in from a trip that had taken him away for a couple of weeks, Zaeed was surprised to hear giggling and whispering coming from the den. He dropped his bags in the kitchen and crept into the next room, stopping in the doorway as he was momentarily shocked by the scene before him. Bex and a teenage boy he vaguely recognized but couldn't quite place, were half-naked, kissing and hands everywhere.

“What the bloody hell is going on in here?” Zaeed growled as he yanked the boy off the couch by the back of his neck.

There was a series of muttered curses followed a loud thunk as Bex fell off the couch and onto the floor. She was on her feet and pulling her shirt back on a moment later as she ran over to where Zaeed had the boy pinned to the nearest wall.

“Um... you're home early,” she said nervously, unable to meet his eye. “We were just...”

“I _know_ what you were doing,” he s napped. She cringed at his harsh tone and he muttered an apology before he turned his attention back to the boy. “Who the hell is this?”

Bex looked more nervous than ever. “It's um...  Adrian,” she finally muttered.

“Adrian.” Zaeed frowned. “Adrian, the little shit who used to live next door? One of the ones who threw you in the lake?”

She nodded. “ We ran into each other at the coffee shop a few days ago, went to the cinema last night and...”

“And now you were bloody close to –” He shook his head, trying to clear his mind of what he'd seen, and then released his hold on Adrian. “Get. Out. And if I ever see you anywhere near Bex or this house again...”

A drian scoffed as he picked up his shirt and walked out to the back door. “Idle threats, old man.”

Zaeed started to go after him but Bex held him back. “Just... let him go,” she said quietly. “I  knew he hadn't changed and still...” She sighed and looked up at him. “Did you  find what you were looking for?”

“No, not yet,” Zaeed said, still eying the back door before he turned back to her. “I thought I had a lead, but it just ended up being a goddamn dead end, like all the rest.”

As the five-year anniversary of John's death approached, Zaeed was more actively trying to find Vido. Now that she was sixteen, he'd decided Bex was old enough to stay home alone, always promising he'd come back for her if he actually found the bastard. So far he'd been out three times and come up empty each time.

“Maybe he's dead,” Bex offered, sitting at the counter while Zaeed started on dinner. “Why else would he have waited all this time?”

“No, he's not dead.”

“How d'you know? You sound so certain.”

“He's too goddamn careful. Everything he does is meticulously calculated. He's not going to die until one or both of us is dead, or one of us kills him.”

Bex shook her head. “He's not invincible, Zaeed. He's human just like the rest of us.”

“I know that. He's just...” Zaeed raised an eyebrow. “You're tricky, half-pint. We were supposed to be talking about _you_.”

“Me? Thought we already finished talking about me.”

“Why, of _all_ the boys in Newcastle, did it have to be Adrian?” He stopped himself before he added _why did it have to be_ _anyone_. 

She shrugged. “Mostly because he's not  _ in _ Newcastle anymore. They moved out of next door because his mum got a job in Edinburgh  after Brent graduated .”

“So what's he doing here then?”

“He was on spring holiday from school, and he's still got friends here.”

“ And what does his not living here anymore have to do with anything?”

“ I'm still just  _ that glowing blond freak _ to all the kids that live here,” she said, more bitterness in her voice than he'd ever heard before. “Every time I go out, people actively avoid me. He's the first person outside of Jamie's family that's actually talked to me, ever.”

“Why don't you ever go out with the Ingram boys?”

“B ecause Bobby is twelve, and Sean is nineteen and has a boyfriend.”

“Ah.”

Bex pouted. “Wouldn't have this problem, probably, if we lived in Vancouver.”

“What's in –” Zaeed groaned. “You suddenly have a crush on Kaidan?”

She blushed  and looked down at her hands . “Not  _ suddenly _ .”

He shook his head. “And now I'm glad we  _ don't _ live in Vancouver.”

“But Kaidan is –”

“Too old. He's a nice kid, but  he's eighteen, damn close to nineteen. Much too old for you.”

She growled in frustration. “Fine. Guess I'll just be alone for freakin' ever.”

Zaeed chuckled. “You're sixteen, half-pint. You're nowhere close to anything being _forever_.”

* * *

> _From: Kaidan_
> 
> _To: Bex_
> 
> _Subj: re: Plans?_
> 
> _No plans yet to join the Alliance. Dad keeps asking me about it; not like he hasn't been doing the same thing the last three years._
> 
> _ I  actually have a plan to spend some time away, travel around. Outside of being born in Singapore, and the years I was at Jump Zero, I've spent my entire life in Vancouver. That's gotta change.  If I join the Alliance, I don't want to be one of those guys who's completely clueless about how the galaxy works, ya know? _
> 
> _I'm planning to start my trip in London. Any chance Zaeed will let you visit?_
> 
> _-K_

* * *

> _From: Bex_
> 
> _To: Kaidan_
> 
> _Subj: Hahahaha_
> 
> _No._
> 
> _If he thought Vancouver was potentially triggering, it's nothing to how he feels about London. Plus, I may have a few... enemies there._
> 
> _Meh, we'll see. I'm not making any promises though._
> 
> _-B_


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

Having been convinced once again to take a vacation he didn't really want to go on, Zaeed spent the entire two weeks in London waiting for _something_ to go wrong, though nothing had. And yet, even given the personal significance for Bex of their last day in the city, he was more than a little surprised to see a porter standing outside his hotel suite, holding a bouquet of lilies.

He frowned. “Can I help you?”

“These were brought to the front desk about ten minutes ago,” the young man said. “The man who brought them in said they were to be delivered to a Rebekah Shepard, staying in this suite.”

Zaeed bristled. “What did the man look like?”

The porter shrugged. “I couldn't say, sir. It was my manager who took delivery. You'd have to ask her.”

“I intend to,” Zaeed growled. He took the bouquet from the porter's hand, tossed a credit chit to him and closed the door without another word.

“Who was that?” Bex asked, peering around the doorway of her bedroom. “Ooh! Flowers!! Who are they for?”

“You.” Zaeed held them out of reach when she went to grab for them. “But don't get all bloody excited about it. I'm throwing them out.”

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

“They're from Vido.”

“How d'you know? And _why_ would he send me flowers?”

“The boy who delivered them said they were for Rebekah. Vido is the _only_ person in the world who calls you that.”

Bex swallowed hard. “Yeah.”

“As for why he sent them... why do you think? You remember what today is, don't you?”

“'Course I remem–” She snatched the envelope nestled in with the lilies. She read a few lines of the letter before her jaw clenched tight. “That fucking sick bastard.”

Zaeed pried the paper from her hand and dropped the bouquet on the floor before he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and read Vido's letter.

* * *

> _Rebekah,_
> 
> _You didn't think I'd forget the anniversary of John's death did you? Had to 'commemorate' it somehow. Thought you might like these flowers, since I never got around to sending you anything when he died._
> 
> _Nice to see living with Zaeed all these years hasn't screwed you up too much. I can't imagine he was all that happy with your little tryst a few weeks ago, given the look on that boy's face when he stormed out of your house. You should be more careful, Rebekah. Boys like him can't be trusted._
> 
> _I hope you've been careful in London. I'd hate to see anything happen to you if you cross the wrong street or step into the wrong alley._
> 
> _See you soon._
> 
> _-Vido_

* * *

Zaeed crumbled the paper in his hand. “I am going to –”

“If you say 'kill him,' I'm going to punch you,” Bex said. “You can't kill a man that you can't find.”

“He's obviously in London. I'd bet my entire bank account it was him and not one of his men who actually brought the flowers into the hotel.”

“So? That's not gonna help you find him.” She picked up the lilies from where Zaeed had dropped them and put them in a vase on the kitchenette's small counter. “In case you've forgotten, London is bloody huge, and Vido's a fucking genius at hiding. If he doesn't want to be found, he won't be.”

Zaeed raised an eyebrow. “What the hell do you think you're doing with those flowers?”

“Thought it was fairly obvious that I'm keeping them.”

“Why?”

“Because I'm sure he's got eyes on this place and will know if I throw them out. I refuse to give him the satisfaction of knowing he's had any effect on me.”

She swept past him and into her room, emerging several minutes later in a sleeveless red dress and the black Chucks she practically never took off.

“Since when do you wear dresses?” he asked as she picked up her jean jacket just as someone knocked on the front door. “And where are you going?”

“Kaidan and I are going to brunch, remember? Then we're going to do a bit of sight-seeing. We'll be back in a few hours.”

Zaeed opened the door and eyed Kaidan critically. “I don't like you two going out alone.”

“Just because _somebody_ wants to try and freak me out doesn't mean it's gonna fucking work.” Bex took a step forward and kissed Zaeed on the cheek. “We'll be fine. Oh and don't forget we're all having dinner together tonight.”

“'We'll be fine,'” Zaeed repeated to himself as he watched the two teens walk arm in arm to the lift at the end of the hallway. “Bloody famous last words.”

He wasn't all that surprised when his omni-tool beeped, indicating an incoming vid-chat hail, about twenty minutes after they'd gone. The sender, however, caught him a bit off-guard.

“Where is she, Vido?” he growled when the image of his ex-partner had come in clearly. “What did you do to her?”

“I haven't done a damn thing except watch her,” Vido said. “I can see her and that Canadian kid right now. Interesting, I didn't know Rebekah wore dresses.”

Zaeed ignored Vido's taunting. He already knew he'd been watching Bex. “Why the flowers?” He shook his head. “Y'know what? Fuck that. Why did you kill John in the first place?”

“I did no such thing. And the one responsible is now –”

“Dead?”

Vido smirked. “You said it, not me. As for the flowers, how can you find fault in that?”

Zaeed rolled his eyes at Vido's attempts to act innocent. “Easily, when you're the one sending them.”

“I've never had anything but Rebekah's best interests at heart.”

“That's goddamn bullshit and you know it.”

“Oi, you might want to get down to that cafe. Looks like Rebekah's in a spot of trouble.”

Zaeed was half-way to the lift before he'd even disconnected the vid-chat. He skidded to a halt when he found Bex and Kaidan sitting outside a cafe just off Trafalgar Square. They were sitting so close together their knees were touching, and they were kissing, without regard to anything around them.

He had to suppress a smirk when Bex broke the kiss and jumped half a foot in the air as he put a hand on her shoulder.

“Don't _do_ that!” she screeched, glaring up at him.

“Pay attention to your bloody surroundings and I won't have to.”

“How'd you know where we were?”

“Vido,” he said soberly. “He said he was watching you two.”

“And you fucking believed him?”

“It's Vido, of course he's watching you. He also said you were in trouble, which I realized about halfway here was just him fucking with me. If you'd _actually_ been in trouble, I doubt he would have said a goddamn word.”

“You talked to Vido?”

“Obviously. He called me not long after you left.”

“Creepy bastard.”

“So, I see you decided to ignore me when I said he's too old for you,” Zaeed said, abruptly changing subjects as he nodded toward Kaidan.

Bex shrugged. “Better him than someone like Adrian, yeah?”

“Point taken. And at least he'll be moving on to a new city tomorrow. No offense,” he added as an afterthought.

Kaidan shook his head. “None taken, I guess.”

“About him moving on,” Bex said slowly, not meeting Zaeed's gaze. “He's going to Paris next and –”

“Absolutely not.”

Bex sighed. “Worth a shot.”

Kaidan smirked. “We'll always have London.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last line is of course a bastardization of the famous line from Casablanca.
> 
> Bex's outfit: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182916046320/


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

Zaeed cracked one eye open when his omni-tool announced a vid-chat hail. He was instantly awake as his vision cleared enough to see the time. 0300.

_Bloody hell._ Any call this time of night was going to be bad.

He fumbled for the 'tool as he sat up  against the headboard, finally finding the correct sequence to answer.

“I think I'm in t-trouble,” Bex said in a slightly shaking voice as soon as the chat connected. 

Zaeed frowned at the image on his omni-tool. She was supposed to be in Vancouver with Kaidan, attending the wedding of two  of their friends from Jump Zero , but at the moment, it looked like she'd been in a fight, or worse. From what little he could see,  the top of  her dress was torn  in several places and there were cuts and scratches on her face and neck, as well as the beginnings of a black eye.

“What the bloody hell did that bastard do to you?” he growled.

She looked genuinely confused for a moment. “I don't underst– oh.” She  frowned . “Wasn't Kaidan.  And I resent the implication. ”

“So do I,” said Kaidan's slightly strained voice from off-screen.

Zaeed  shook his head .  “Didn't mean him, half-pint.”

Bex's frowned deepened.  “Vido then? No,  wasn' t him either, not directly anyway.”

“What d'you mean?”

She winced as she attempted to shrug, and he saw the  lace  sleeves of her dress were torn as well, revealing more cuts and  bruises  on her arms . “ We didn't see him or any of his men, but I wouldn't put it past him to have tipped them off.”

“Who's 'them'?”

She hesitated a moment while she seemed to be glancing at her surroundings. “The Reds.”

“You're not serious. What the hell would they want with you, and in Vancouver?”

“See, that's why I think Vido's involved. He'd have known where I wassince I know he's still been watching me. But I don't really see what's in it for him. He's always been about trying to force me back to the Suns, but if I'm out of the picture, then what?”

Zaeed sighed. “At the moment, I don't give a damn about Vido's motives. Why did the Reds attack you?”

“Well, um... Pike had another son besides Devin. He's about Kaidan's age now.”

“I take it you knew him when you were with the Reds?”

Bex nodded. “Ian was nice back then, used to try to get his dad to lay off when he got too –” She shook her head and sighed and Zaeed saw her flinch when Kaidan tried to put an arm around her shoulder. “Anyway, the whole thing at the warehouse, Vido betraying Pike and Devin? Ian's got it in his head that it was all my fault, and he wants me dead.”

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“But that was, shit, almost ten years ago. What's got in his head to go after you now?”

“Another reason I think Vido's behind it. You know how much he likes anniversaries and shit.”

“True. So what happened? Did you even make it to the wedding?”

Bex nodded. “ Yeah. I t was  lovely.  We were on our way back to Kaidan's parents' house  after the reception  and –”

“And figured you'd call me instead of them?”

“They're off-planet for a couple of weeks,” Kaidan chimed in as he finally came into view, just as cut and bruised as Bex. “They're on Arcturus, visiting a couple of Dad's friends who are still with the Alliance.”

“I see.” Zaeed ignored the fact that Bex hadn't mentioned she and Kaidan would be alone together the entire trip. After all, she was eighteen now and could do as she pleased, though he could just imagine John frowning at the arrangement, diverting the conversation in that direction to keep from having to think about the current crisis. “So I assume you never made it to the house?”

“Didn't even make it to the transport station,” Bex said.

“Are you safe?”

She tried to shrug again and looked like she was fighting the urge not to scream in pain.

Zaeed frowned. “Bex,  what the hell did they do to you?”

“Nothin'. I'm f–”

“Yeah, we're safe,” Kaidan said. “For now. But she's got a dislocated shoulder she keeps ignoring.”

“Bloody stubborn...” Zaeed shook his head. “So what are you planning to do?”

“Try to make it back to London if we can,” Bex said. “I'll feel more... in control there.”

“You've got to get that shoulder fixed.”

She nodded. “I know.”

A look of sheer terror suddenly came over Bex's face and Zaeed heard another voice join the conversation.

“I've been looking for you, girlie,” the new voice growled, sounding vaguely like he remembered Pike's voice from years ago. “Time you came back home.”

There was a brief scuffle,  the screen lit up bright blue for a moment and then went dark as the connection was lost.

Z aeed had barely started getting dressed when his omni-tool pinged again. He hurried to answer it. “Bex? Are you all right?”

Instead, it was Vido, looking more smug than ever. “Lose some thing ?” 

“Fuck off, Vido,” Zaeed snarled. “I don't have time for you and your goddamn games. If you know something about what happened to Bex, and I know you do, fucking spit it out already!”

“Temper, temper,” Vido said, shaking his head in mock bewilderment. “It'll get you nowhere.”

Zaeed growled in frustration and transferred the chat to the terminal in his bedroom so he could continue to dress.

After what seemed an eternity, Vido finally spoke again. “I can't imagine why you think I would help you, Zaeed.”

“I don't, not really, not when it's your bloody fault the Reds came after her in the first place.”

“But?”

“But I have the feeling this was all part of your plan, to get your ruddy paws on Bex, because you'd failed so many times before with your own useless idiots.”

“You're not wrong,” Vido admitted. “But I'm not stupid enough to think the two of us together won't end with you trying to kill me.”

“Same, though you've had plenty of opportunities in the past and haven't taken them. All bets are off at the end of this, but I'm not about to kill you if you're actually helping find my –” Zaeed cut himself off abruptly.

Vido chuckled. “Go on, say it. You know you want to, Zaeed. Say Rebekah is your daughter. Tell me she's replaced Olivia.”

Fine,” Zaeed ground out between clenched teeth. “Yes, Bex is my daughter. John might have been her father, but I was the one who raised her.” He glared at Vido. “But no one will  _ever_ replace Olivia. Ever.”

Vido shook his head. “Keep telling yourself that, Zaeed. Maybe someday you'll convince someone other than yourself.”

Zaeed clenched his hands to keep from violently disconnecting the chat. “Where. Is. Bex.”

“Guess we'll find out together, won't we?”

A set of coordinates that Zaeed recognized as a district in London flashed on the screen for a moment before the connection was severed. It was painfully obvious that he'd be walking into a trap, but he'd do anything to get Bex away from the Reds. Even if it meant making a deal with Vido.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and bookmark and the lovely comment :)

Panic set in when Bex woke up to find herself unable to move.  Her shoulder had been popped back into place at some point and her arm put in a secure sling, but that wasn't what made her immobile.  A strong arm was wrapped around her waist, another carefully around her uninjured shoulder, effectively pinning her up against a muscular body, though the lighting was too poor for her to see whose.  As she struggled to get free, a hand came up and clamped over her mouth.

"It's all right, Bex," Kaidan whispered.  "It's just me.  And if you keep struggling, you're gonna injure your shoulder more."

Bex pushed his hand away from her mouth.  "What the hell happened?"

"We stunned a couple of them, you fell and hit your head, and I made a run for it in the confusion."

She sighed.  "I seem to do that a lot, falling and hitting my head.  Where are we?"

"An alley a block or so from the transport station.  I called Morgan and Tamara.  He's keeping a lookout," Kaidan gestured toward a crouched figure at the alley's entrance.  "And she's at the station, trying to work out a way to get us out of Vancouver without using public transport."

Bex wiggled around so she could glare up at Kaidan, though the impact was lessened by the alley's dim light.  "I can't believe you!" she hissed.  "They're on their _honeymoon_."

He chuckled softly.  "No, they're not.  Together, they could only get leave for this weekend, for the wedding.  They're not going on their honeymoon for a couple of months."

"Did you call Zaeed?  If he thinks something super horrible happened, he'll do something supremely stupid."

"I did.  And he almost did."

"Fucking idiot."

"But it's fine.  He hadn't left Newcastle yet.  He's still going to London, but he said he'll try to avoid Vido now, unless he can't find us."

She sighed again.  "Of course he will.  Idiot."

She leaned her head against Kaidan's shoulder and said nothing else for several minutes, thinking about what to do next.  She knew what she had to do, it was just a matter of getting Kaidan and Tamara and Morgan to let her do it without putting up too much of a fuss.

She glanced around as footsteps echoing in the alley brought her out of her thoughts.  Morgan was still keeping watch, but Tamara had finally returned and was walking toward Bex and Kaidan.  

She smiled as she carefully crouched down next to them.  "How ya feelin', Bex?"

"Fine."  Bex held up her free hand to stop Tamara from saying anything else.  "Look, I appreciate you guys helping out, but this isn't your fight.  You two should be off celebrating while you have a chance to be together.  And you," she glanced up at Kaidan.  "You should be..."

"Exactly where I am right now," he said softly.  "You can't get rid of me that easily, Bex Shepard."

"Not us either," Tamara said defiantly.  "You forgettin' how friendship works?"

Bex glared at both of them.  "I was afraid you guys were gonna take it this badly."

"Mhm.  And you're gonna do what about that, exactly?"  Kaidan said.  "Not like you'd use your biotics to try to get away from us, not when we're trying to keep a low profile."

He and Tamara exchanged a look.  "Oh my god, that's exactly what she was thinking of doing," she said incredulously.

Bex continued glaring and said nothing.  She was annoyed that they knew her well enough to realize the thought had crossed her mind for a moment before she'd realized it just wasn't practical.  

"So you got everything arranged?" Kaidan asked after a few minutes of complete silence.

Tamara nodded.  "My dad's got a pilot friend who can take y'all wherever.  Otherwise, you'd have to take public transport, and there's not one going to London tonight.  Closest is Manchester."

"I think I like the first option," Bex said, stumbling a bit as she got to her feet.  She looked up at Kaidan and Tamara after they'd stood up as well.  "Seriously, guys, please let me go on my own.  You'll be safer without me."

"How d'you expect to fight, if it comes to that?" Kaidan asked.

"I glow, don't I?"

"Will you quit bein' so fucking stubborn?" Tamara snapped.  "If we were gonna let you go your own way, we wouldn't have come out here to help in the first place.  Take Kaidan with you.  Please."

"Fine," Bex relented after a tense few moments in which the usually stoic Tamara had simply stood and glared at her.

Tamara grinned.  "Well, that was easy."

Bex rolled her eyes.  "Let's get moving.  Faster we're out of Vancouver, the happier I'll be."

* * *

> _From: Bex_
> 
> _To: Zaeed_
> 
> _Subj: On Our Way_
> 
> _We just passed over Prince Edward Island, so it'll be a few hours yet 'til we get to London.  I'm attaching the coordinates the pilot gave me for where we'll be landing, and I'll send you another message when we get closer._
> 
> _-Bex_

* * *

Even though she'd kept insisting she couldn't wait to get back to London, by the time the shuttle landed, doubts had started nagging her, that maybe they should have stayed in Vancouver.  And by the end of the night, she knew they should have stayed put.  Probably.

The moment the shuttle landed and she'd finally gotten the change of clothes Zaeed had brought from Newcastle, he and Kaidan both insisted she had to go to the hospital just to make sure there'd been no permanent damage done to her shoulder.  She in turn insisted on hitting a pub afterward, and that's when the trouble started up again.  

"You didn't really think you could fucking hide from me in London, did you, girlie?"

Bex inhaled sharply and nearly choked on her beer when Ian and a couple of his goons surrounded her in the corner booth she'd taken for herself.  She looked around the pub for help but Zaeed was at the bar waiting for another round of drinks and Kaidan had stepped outside twenty minutes ago to update Tamara and Morgan.  And Ian was sitting too close for her to discreetly send a message with her omni-tool.  She was on her own for the moment.

"I have no bloody clue what you're talking about, Ian," she said more casually than she felt.  "I was in Vancouver for a weekend and the weekend's over so I came home."

"We know where you live," one of the goons said.  "London isn't your home anymore."

Bex scoffed.  "What's your fucking point?"  She suppressed a snort of laughter as his face contorted in confusion, trying to figure out how what she'd said fit with what he'd said.

Ian rolled his eyes.  "Useless idiots."  He grabbed her arm and pulled her from the booth.  "Let's go, girlie.  Someplace I want to show you."

Bex dug in her heels.  "I'm not going anywhere with you, jackass."  A moment later, she whimpered and dropped to her knees as one of Ian's men squeezed her injured shoulder.

Ian crouched down in front of her, a dangerous glint in his eyes.  "Not so tough now, are ya?"

She said nothing and he hauled her to her feet and shoved her toward the front of the pub.  She prayed that Kaidan was still just outside or that Zaeed had seen her leaving, though the near-darkness inside the pub made it hard to see much of anything at all.  She tried to move away from Ian, but he quickly moved up behind her and she felt a pistol being pressed into the small of her back as he used his other hand to tightly grip her left arm just above the top of the sling. 

Bex knew she'd be in serious trouble if they made it outside.  As they neared the front door, she stopped in her tracks and lifted her right elbow so that it collided with Ian's nose when he ran into her.  She quickly shoved away from him using her biotics, knowing full well that would draw Zaeed's attention.

Unfortunately, it drew the attention of everyone and the scene quickly escalated to a full-on brawl, Bex and Ian in the middle of it.  Every time she tried to get away, or Zaeed or Kaidan tried to pull her away, she ended up drawn back in.  

The police finally showed up and broke up the fight, arresting more than half the patrons left in the pub, most of whom pointed to Bex as the one who'd started the brawl.  She tried to argue self-defense, but Ian's gun had disappeared by then and there was no evidence that she wasn't just a drunk looking for a fight.

In the end, Bex was given two options: stay in jail indefinitely until a trial date was set, or join the Alliance.

"What about bail?" she asked.  "Why's everybody else get that option, and all I get is 'sit and rot or join the Alliance'?"

"I'll tell you why," the officer in charge growled.  "One of the men you claimed was with this Ian that you claim is a gang leader?  He's one of  us, and at the moment he's in a coma.

_Fuck.  Not again._

"You've got a record, Shepard, of grievous bodily harm against public servants," the officer continued.  "If it was up to me, you'd sit in that cell for the rest of your pathetic life.  But you've apparently got friends in high places and they want you for the Alliance.  So, choose."

"Alliance," she said without hesitation.  "I'll join the Alliance."


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and bookmark :)

“One more week, just one more bloody week, and I'll be free from these bastards.” Bex repeated the sentence over and over and clenched her fists as she listened to a group of recruits at the next table talking about her. She wouldn't allow herself to react in any other way. 

A ccording to Major Faulkner, Tamara's father and the man responsible for giving Bex the option of joining the Alliance, she was on probation through boot camp.  If she kept her nose clean, she'd be allowed to graduate  with the rest of her recruit class  and  continue on  to specialized biotics courses .  But i f  anything happened,  even the smallest thing , she'd go straight back to that little jail cell in London.

Not a chance in hell she was going back there. She'd spent  almost  t hree months in that fucking cell ,  forced to wear biotic suppression cuffs  at all times , while her shoulder healed. It still wasn't  fully healed  by the time she left , but  it had been well enough that she'd been able to fake her way through the  stress tests the physical therapist had given her, just so she could get away from that place.  It wasn't so much the cell itself, but her guards, as well as the constant worry that either Vido or Ian would take the opportunity to exploit her inability to use her biotics and find a way to take her out. 

Aside from the freedom to use her biotics, boot camp hadn't been much of an improvement over jail. They only had a week left and she was still enduring taunts and whispers wherever she went, and not just from the other recruits. The drill instructors were no better. But at least they hadn't threatened or tried to sabotage her, like some of the recruits had.

Her only saving grace, the  _only_ reason she hadn't snapped, yet, was Kaidan. She'd been more than a little surprised when he'd sat next to her as they'd headed out to the Alliance training compound, just outside  Hampshire . He'd  stayed with Zaeed and come  with him  to visit her as often as  t he y 'd been allowed during her stay in jail, but hadn't once mentioned that he'd gone to the recruitment office  himself .

Voices and t he sound of chairs being pushed away from the table behind her brought Be x out of her reverie. 

“Did you see her sparring the other day?” one of the recruits muttered as the group walked past her table. He glanced in her direction, a smirk on his face as he added, just loud enough for her to hear, “I'm thinking maybe it's time to see how fast we can set her off.”

Bex was clenching her fists so hard now, she could feel her nails breaking the skin on her palms. She flinched slightly as she felt a hand brush against the back of her neck, but realized by the gentle touch that it was just Kaidan.

“Ignore them,” he muttered as he sat down next to her. “You've got nothing to prove to them.”

She sighed. “I  _know_ that, Kaidan. But at some point, something's gotta give.”

“Eat,” he said, abruptly changing the subject. “This isn't Brain Camp; you need your strength for more than your biotics.”

She resisted the urge to snap at him. He'd become more like an overbearing mother hen than a boyfriend since the beginning of boot camp. Still, she put up with it. She supposed he did have valid points at times, like keeping up her strength with food. At other times though, they clashed horribly, especially when it came to actually using their biotics.

As with nearly everything he did, Kaidan was cautious when using his biotics, even when an exercise called for them to let loose. On the other hand, Bex had  _no_ problem letting go. She thought she'd likely go nuts if she was forced to reign it in all the time. They'd had numerous arguments about it. The biggest blow out had been  a week ago,  when she'd  snapped and  called him a coward,  accusing him of  always using Vyrnnus' death as an excuse for not realizing his full potential; in turn, he'd called her a loose cannon, unable to control her emotions  _or_ her biotics.

They'd  ended up in a full- blown fight in  the middle of  the  fucking sparring ring .  Thankfully,  it had been during one of their regular sparring sessions, so the D I had just let it go  at that .

They'd nearly broken up over it. But in the end, they'd both apologized, realizing their friendship, and their relationship, meant too much to them to ruin it over something as stupid as a difference in fighting styles.

* * *

> _From: Zaeed_
> 
> _To: Bex_
> 
> _Subj: re: Graduation_
> 
> _You better bloody believe I'll be there. I'll be the one with the astonished look on his face._
> 
> _Can't believe you survived. I'd expected to hear you were back in jail by the end of the first week._
> 
> _Still, don't think I'm not goddamn proud of you._
> 
> _See you in a couple of days._
> 
> _-Zaeed_

* * *

Bex froze with a bottle of beer halfway to her lips when she overheard Kaidan and Tamara talking at their boot camp graduation reception.

“It's just we haven't had a date night in ages,” Tamara said. “Dad's always happy to babysit, but he's heading out of town tonight. And –”

“We'd _love_ to babysit little Mandy,” Kaidan replied enthusiastically, crouching down in front of Tamara and Morgan's precocious toddler.

Tamara bit back a laugh as she glanced in Bex's direction. “I'm not so sure everyone's as excited as you are, Alenko.”

“No, no, it's fine,” Bex said hastily as she walked over to them. “You've just got a couple of days together, we're not leaving for at least a week.”

“Only if you're sure.”

Bex nodded  and forced a smile . “Absolutely.”

She waited until Tamara and Mandy had walked away before she drained her beer in two gulps and headed to the bar for more, ignoring the questioning look Kaidan was giving her as he walked beside her.

When they both had fresh drinks, he pulled her to a table out of the way and sat down. “Is something wrong?”

“No.”

“Bex, I know when you're upset.” He reached up to pull her hand away from her short-cropped hair, where one finger was twisting an imaginary strand of hair around itself. “You always do that, even when there's no hair to twirl anymore.”

She huffed in frustration. “I'm fine.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Can we talk about this later? Please?” She sighed. “I just want to enjoy the fact that I managed to make it through all these months without killing any of these fuckers. Or you.”

“That does seem like a goddamn miracle,” Zaeed said as he walked over to the table. He smirked as she glared at him. “Like I said, half-pint, I'm still bloody proud of you. Just promise me you won't turn into an insufferable prat like most of the Alliance bastards I knew in my day.”

She grinned. “Wouldn't dream of it.”

“Good.” He ruffled her hair and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. “Didn't mean to interrupt whatever deep conversation you were in the middle of. I'll see you later.”

The grin faded quickly as Zaeed walked away and Bex glanced over to find Kaidan staring at her intently. “What?”

He shrugged. “Still just wondering what all that was with Tamara before. I thought you liked Mandy.”

“I do.”

“But?”

“No buts, about her.” Kaidan waited patiently while Bex said nothing for the next several minutes, finishing both her beer and his before she spoke again. “You like kids.”

“I do. I'm sensing you don't.”

She sighed. “I  _do_ , as long as they belong to someone else.”

His face fell. “You don't want kids of your own?”

“Not right now, no. It's just... in spite of everything, I'm actually enjoying being in the Alliance, and I want to see how far I can get.”

“And kids would get in the way of that?”

“That's not what I meant.”

“So what the hell is it? Is it you don't want kids with me?”

She frowned at the accusatory tone in his voice. “I never said anything close to that, Kaidan.”

He took her hands in his. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap.” He brought one of her hands up and used it to drag her over into his lap as he kissed each fingertip. “I love you, Bex, and I tend to think about the future, and what it might look like for both of us.”

“I know.” She leaned her head against his. “Most of my life, I haven't had that luxury. I could only think of survival. Even living with my dad and Zaeed, even the last few years after Jump Zero, I was still always just trying to keep one step ahead of anyone that might be out... there,” she said, waving her hand off in a random direction. “A real future with marriage and kids has never entered my mind.”

“And now?” he asked, a hopeful note in his voice.

“Maybe, someday,” she said carefully.“But for now, I want to just enjoy _us_ , for as long as we have together.”

“You make it sound like one of us is dying or something.”

She kissed him deeply. “If there's one thing I've learned in life, there's no fucking guarantee you'll wake up tomorrow, so enjoy it while you can.”


	28. Chapter 28

"You okay?" Kaidan asked, lacing his fingers with Bex's as they walked to a secluded but open part of his parents' back yard. "You seem... distracted."

"Hmm?" She gave him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm fine."

He didn't seem to believe her but let it go. "We're almost there."

"What's the point of this?"

He gave her a sidelong glance while he spread a quilt on the ground and sat down on top of it. "Did you really just ask me what's the point of stargazing?"

She shrugged and flopped down beside him. "It's just... we've spent the better part of two years up there, away from Earth. We come home for a weekend and you want to spend it staring up at the place we just left?"

"I had a bit more in mind than just the stargazing," he murmured in her ear as she settled back against him."

"Mm... I bet."

He paused a moment, bringing his lips away from her jaw, and stared at her. "Wait a second. Why did you say just a weekend? I thought we were both here for a solid two weeks."

"I..." Now it came down to telling him, she was having trouble with the words. They'd been together every step of the way since boot camp. And now she was going off on her own and, if she was honest with herself, she was fucking terrified.

He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer. "Whatever it is, you can tell me."

"I know." She rested her head in the crook of his neck and kept her eyes on his thumbs tracing circles across the tops of her hands so she wouldn't have to see his reaction. "I got a call from Major Faulkner this morning. He said I've been accepted into the Interplanetary Combatives Training program in Rio."

"That's... amazing." Kaidan brought a hand up to cup the side of her face and raised her head so they were eye to eye. "Is that why you've been acting so odd all day?"

She leaned into his touch and sighed. "I dunno. Guess I was worried you'd be disappointed or something."

"Why the hell would I be disappointed? Just because you're moving on to bigger and better things?"

Now that he'd said it, it did seem a stupid thing to worry about.

He kissed her gently and rested his forehead against hers. "I love you. I'm always proud of anything you do to get ahead, no matter what."

She smiled. "I love you too. Gonna be strange not to be with you all the time."

"I think we'll manage," he said with a smirk. "This last post, we might as well have not been in the same base."

"True."

The last six months, they'd been lucky if they'd seen each other even once a week, a shared glance across the mess hall.

"Guess we'd better make the most of this weekend, then. Make up for lost time.”

Kaidan grinned as he shifted her around and gently pushed her down onto the blanket. “I couldn't agree more.”

Bex growled in frustration when her omni-tool beeped with a vid-chat hail.

“Ignore it,” Kaidan murmured as he nipped a path down across her stomach, finding all her ticklish spots. “If it's really important, they'll call back,” he added as the beeping finally stopped.

“I... oh, you're probably right,” she sighed in contentment, raking her fingers through his hair when he slipped his hands beneath the waistband of her jeans and tugged them off of her hips.

Five minutes later, she was cursing whatever bloody bastard had invented the omni-tool as hers went off again. She paled slightly as she read the ident information: Sgt. D. Addison, London Police. Nothing good could come from a call from most anyone she knew in London, least of all the police.

“Who the hell are you and what the hell d'you want?” she snapped, straightening her Alliance hoodie as she answered the hail.

A grumpy-looking man with graying hair looked momentarily startled at her “greeting” before regaining his composure. “Miss Shepard? I'm Sgt. Daniel Addison, London Police and –”

“Yes, your ident said as much,” she snapped again. “And it's Lieutenant.”

“Excuse me?”

She resisted rolling her eyes. “I'm not _Miss_ , I'm Lieutenant Shepard.”

“I see. Alliance?” She noticed there was a twinge of disdain in the way he said _Alliance_.

“Obviously. Now what is it you're calling about?”

“Your father was brought to my precinct earlier this afternoon after getting into an altercation with the barman at Brady's Pub.”

Bex frowned. “I'm sorry, I don't understand. My father's been dead for  damn near ten years.”

“I'm not her father,” a _very_ familiar voice slurred from somewhere close to Addison.

He turned away for a moment. “But you said –”

“I know what I said, you bloody twit,” Zaeed growled. “But I never said I was her father.”

“What is it exactly you _want_ , Addison?” Bex asked, drawing the man's attention back to the screen. “Was Zaeed arrested or what? If he needs bailing out, I'm a good four hours out on a good shuttle ride.”

“I'm sorry?”

“I'm in Vancouver.”

“Ah. No, he's not been arrested; he's just in the drunk tank over night.”

“So again I ask, what d'you want?”

Addison shook his head. “Not what I want; he's the one who asked me to contact you.”

“Of course he did. One bloody weekend of leave and...” Bex sighed. “Can I talk to him, then?”

He nodded and disappeared from the screen. Several moments went by before Zaeed's equally grumpy face appeared.

Bex raised an eyebrow. “So, w hat did you say I was exactly? And why the bloody hell are you in  the drunk tank, again ?"

"Not important."

"Bullshit. Why are you even in London?"

There was a long stretch of silence before he muttered, "'Livia's birthday."

Shit. Any anger Bex felt about her plans being interrupted drained away in an instant.

"Sorry, Z. I forgot."

He shrugged. "Not important," he said again, the faintest hint of hurt in his voice.

"If it wasn't important, you wouldn't have called."

He shrugged and said nothing.

Bex mentally kicked herself. She couldn't believe she'd forgotten.

Olivia's birthday and the anniversary of her death were the only times she'd ever seen Zaeed show any kind of vulnerability. She still remembered the first time she'd witnessed it, a couple of months after he'd taken her in. He'd drunkenly stumbled into her room early one morning, muttered something that vaguely sounded like "Happy Birthday" as he dropped a doll in her lap and then stumbled away again. She'd been so freaked out that she'd run down to talk to Noah.

"I knew this was bound to happen," he'd said. "You being around is a reminder of what he's lost. You'll be lucky if he never calls you by her name."

She'd nearly run away again, nearly decided that fending off the batarians and vorcha that inhabited the seedier parts of Omega was better than living in the shadow of a dead girl. But eventually, she'd realized Zaeed needed her just as much as she needed him, even if he didn't realize it himself.

And suddenly, Bex realized what he must have said when he'd told Addison to hail her.

"I'm getting on the next transport out, okay?"

Zaeed frowned. "Don't. Don't ruin your weekend plans because I can't ever fucking move on."

She shook her head. "Don't be stupid, Z. I've missed the last two years of our tradition. I'm not missing this one, okay?"

He shrugged again. "Your life. Do what you want."

"I'll see you in a few hours, okay?"

"Fine."

“And when Addison lets you out of the drunk tank, go home. I'll meet you there.”

He rolled his eyes and muttered “fine” again before disconnecting the chat.

Bex barely resisted punching Kaidan in the face when she felt his arms wind around her again as the screen went dark. She'd damn near forgotten where she was and who she was with.

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked quietly, leaning back against him with a tired sigh.

He kissed the scar on her temple. "Of course not. He clearly needs you. What's this tradition you have?"

"Every year, we go to the store and buy a present he'd likely have gotten for Olivia, and donate it to a shelter. And then we get blind drunk."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me that last part is a recent addition."

"'Course. Only since I was 15 or 16. He's not irresponsible, y'know."

"Uh-huh."

Bex rolled her eyes. "Come on, help me pack up real quick so I can get going."

Kaidan stood and hauled her to her feet. "You do realize I'm going with you, right?"

She sighed. "That's sweet, Kaidan but --"

He stopped her protest with a kiss. "I'm just going to make sure you actually make it to London. I have no intention of intruding on your tradition. That's just for you and him."

"Thank you." She smiled up at him and pulled him into another kiss. "I love you."

* * *

_From: Morgan_

_To: Kaidan_

_Subj: re: Are You in London?_

_Of course you can crash at my place. It'll be good to see you; been too long._

_Can't believe Bex only gets the weekend to rest up before Rio. Does she have any idea how brutal just the first course is, especially for a biotic? Hope she'll make it through all right._

_See you when you get here._

_-M_


	29. Chapter 29

“Why d'you keep looking at me like that?” Bex asked, noticing the odd look Zaeed was giving her.

"'S red."  He frowned and reached over to lift a piece of hair that had fallen across her face. "Has it always been red?"

She batted his hand away and drank a shot of whiskey before answering.  "You know damn well it hasn't.  And I can't believe you're just now noticing."

They'd been sitting together at a table near the back of a pub not far from his newest safe house for no less than three hours, drinking but not talking.  He hadn't offered up an explanation about what he'd apparently said to Addison, nor about why he'd gotten into the fight at Brady's and she hadn't asked.

He shrugged indifferently and then smiled sadly.  "Y'know who else had red hair?"

She briefly put a hand over his mouth to stop the answer she knew was coming.  "Mhm.  My mother."

He blinked in confusion.  "Suppose so, but that's not what I was gonna say."

"I know."

He poured more shots until the bottle of whiskey was empty.  "So why did you insist on coming here?  Didn't you want to see Alenko at all?"

Bex looked at him skeptically for a moment.  She was honestly surprised he cared, considering how little he seemed to care for the man himself.  "I've seen him.  May not have spent more than a few hours together, but we're having breakfast together tomorrow before I leave for Rio."  It was her turn to shrug. "'Sides, like he said, you need me."

Zaeed scoffed. "Do not."

"You do.  You're just too stubborn to admit it."

He seemed to have no comeback and resumed downing shots, so Bex went up to the bar to get another bottle of whiskey.  

“Why are you going to Rio?” he asked when she'd returned and resumed her seat across from him.  “Thought you lot were headed for Tokyo or somethin'.  And what the hell d'you mean tomorrow?”

“Wait.  Did I not tell you?”  She frowned when he shook his head.  “Thought I had.  Anyway, Kaidan's still going to Tokyo, at least I guess he is.  But I'm going to Rio for N-School.”

“Spec Ops?”

She nodded.  “Yeah.  Crazy, right?”

“Not at all.  You're selling yourself short if you think you're not good enough for that shit.”

She leaned her head against the cushioned divider behind her and sighed.  “If you say so.”

“Now who's the stubborn one?”

They went back to drinking in silence for awhile, which was honestly the way they both liked it.  Conversations like the one they'd just had were rare, to say the least, at least while drinking.  They'd always enjoyed each other's company and the conversations that came out of that company, but Bex had learned early on that when Zaeed was drinking, particularly when he was upset about something, he didn't usually like chit-chat.  When he'd finally let her start drinking not long after her fifteenth birthday, she'd adopted the same policy.

After awhile, she started feeling light-headed and decided maybe she'd had enough.  Normally, she'd likely have just gotten some food and then kept drinking, probably obscenely drunk dialing Kaidan in the middle of the night, but she knew she couldn't overdo this time.  She had to be fresh and alert when she got to Rio.  Zaeed didn't look like he was anywhere near done though, so she nested her head in her arms on the table and waited.  She was damn near asleep when he finally spoke again.

“I wonder what 'Livia would be doing right now if she was here,” he said so quietly she wasn't entirely sure he'd meant for anyone to hear it.

She lifted her head from her arms and looked at him with concern.  “You all right, Z?”

He tossed back another shot and slammed the glass on the table so hard she was amazed it hadn't shattered or dented the wood.  “I'm just fiiiiine,” he slurred angrily.  “But 'Livia's not... she's not here.”

Bex slid to the end of her seat and stood on slightly shaky legs before she sat down beside him.  “No, she's not here,” she said gently, prying both the shot glass and whiskey bottle from his hand.  “I think it might be time for us to head home, okay?”

“No.”

She frowned.  “Definitely time to go home.  You'll thank me later, when you're not in the bloody drunk tank for the second time in less than 24 hours.”

“No,” he said again, making a grab for the whiskey bottle.  “I haven't drunk enough to forget yet.”

“I don't think there's not enough booze in the world to make you forget something like the death of a child, Z.”

“How the fuck would you know?”

She flinched at the harshness in his voice.  “I don't, and I never said I did.”  She shook her head slightly as she stood up again.  “Just forget I said anything.  Guess Kaidan was wrong after all,” she growled, suddenly angry, though she wasn't really sure why.  She shoved the bottle into his hands before turning on her heel to leave.  “Apparently, you don't need anybody.”

She stumbled away from the table and up to the bar.  She gave the barman a credit chit and Morgan's address.  “When he's finally had enough,” she said, gesturing back toward the booth where Zaeed appeared to be muttering to himself, “put him in a skycab and make sure he gets to this address.”

The barman frowned.  “What about you, love?  You don't look like you'll make it much past the front door 'fore you fall over.”

She shook her head.  “I'll be fine,” she said, though the man didn't look like he believed her, and as a wave of dizziness overtook her, she didn't much believe it either.  She waved in the general direction of the address she'd written down.  “I'll... he'll pick me up.”

He still looked skeptical but didn't try to stop her or follow her as she pushed away from the bar and made for the front door, silently cursing her decision to be trendy and wear heels instead of her combat boots or Chucks.  She slumped against the wall outside, glad of the cool fresh air, even though it had been raining since she and Zaeed had gone in, and slid down until her ass hit the wet pavement.

“You look like you could use a hand.”

Bex groaned inwardly at the unwelcome intrusion but didn't look up from the message she was typing into her omni-tool.  “Nope, doin' jus' fine all by myself, thanks.”

“Perhaps you're right, Shepard.  You do look the absolute definition of ' _doin' jus' fine_ ,' sitting out here in the rain.”

Her head snapped up at the mention of her name and she found herself looking into a pair of blue eyes only a shade or two darker than her own.  Her gaze flickered down to the long scar cutting through his right cheek and quickly glanced over to his right shoulder, cursing silently as she noticed the four bars set into his shirt.

It was Admiral Hackett.  Bex had seen pictures of the man before, seen him on the news vids occasionally, but it was just her goddamn luck that the first time they met face-to-face, she was drunk off her ass.  She tried to sit up straighter, knowing her legs weren't going to cooperate if she tried to stand, and snapped an awkward salute.  “Sorry, sir.  I didn' know it was you.”

He waved off the salute and crouched down in front of her.  “Can I ask why you're sitting out here instead of inside where it's warm and, more importantly, dry?”

“Long story, really.”

“You don't strike me as the type to drink alone.  You didn't get left behind, did you?”

She shook her head.  “No, sir.  I'm the one who left, actually.”  She sighed heavily.  “I may have overreacted to something said in drunken anger and then stormed out.  I... may owe someone an apology.”

“I see.  Do you need a ride anywhere?”

She shook her head again and held up the arm with her omni-tool.  “Already called for a ride.”  She looked past the Admiral to the skycar that was landing just behind him.  “And it's here.”

Morgan and Kaidan piled out of the car and walked over to her.  They both raised eyebrows at the Admiral for a moment before they too recognized and saluted him.

“Admiral, this is a surprise, sir,” Morgan said.  “We don't often see you on Earth.”

“I'm meeting your father-in-law for a drink," Hackett replied as he stood up again.  "There's a graduation at the base tomorrow, Commander, as you might remember?”

“Of course, sir.”

Hackett turned his attention back to Bex.  “I believe you're in capable hands now, Lieutenant.  Assuming you'll allow them to help you, of course,” he said, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

She blushed faintly.  “Yes, sir.”

He smiled warmly.  “Good luck in Rio.”

Kaidan and Morgan stared after the Admiral as he was swallowed up by the dim lighting inside Kildare's.  

“So that's Admiral Hackett,” Bex muttered.  “Interesting.  Pretty eyes.”

Morgan groaned as he and Kaidan hauled her to her feet.  “Not you too?  Tamara's always going on about the man's beautiful blue eyes every time he's on the news.”

“Well, they _are_.”

“So why were you sitting out here?” Kaidan asked.  “Where's Zaeed?”

Bex sighed.  “Inside, still drinking.  I came to the realization while I was talking to Hackett that I may owe him an apology.”

“Hackett?”

She rolled her eyes.  “No, Zaeed.  I overreacted, should have just brushed off his outburst instead of storming off like I did.”

“D'you want us to go in and get him, then?” Morgan asked.

“No, I told the barman to send him to your place when he'd had enough.”

Morgan shook his head.  “Busy as this place is on the weekends, barman's not likely to be paying that much attention to just another drunk, y'know?  We're better off taking him now, than waiting to get another call that he's in the drunk tank, or worse.”

Bex shrugged.  “Your funeral.”

As Morgan ventured into the bar, Kaidan wrapped an arm firmly around Bex's waist and led her to the skycar.

“You know you're going to be very hung-over tomorrow, yes?” he said, settling her in the back seat, where she promptly fell to the side, laying across all the seats.

“I know.  Not as bad as Zaeed though.”

“True.  Being a biotic does have its advantages.”  He gently pushed her to a seated position while he got in beside her.  “So what was your fight about?”

She hesitated a moment before she heaved a sigh and leaned against his shoulder. “It was the absolute dumbest thing, honestly.”

“No one ever fights over smart shit when they're hammered, Bex.”

“True.”  She told him about the entire conversation, leading up to the point where she'd snapped at Zaeed.  “And then I just shoved the bottle back into his hands and walked away.”

“Nothin' to 'pologize for.”  She looked up as Morgan shoved Zaeed none-too-gracefully into the front passenger seat of the skycar and closed the door.  The drunk mercenary turned to face the back.  “I'm the one who should be apologizing, half-pint.  Didn' mean what I said.”

“'S true though.  I don't know what it's like to lose a child.”

“And I hope you never do.  None of you,” he said, glancing at Kaidan and Morgan.  “But I still shouldn't have said it, and 'm sorry.”

“Now that's settled,” Morgan said as he pulled the skycar away from the curb, “let's get you two home and to bed.  As the Admiral reminded me, there is a graduation tomorrow, and I've got to be there.  And Bex, you'd better sleep as much as you can tonight.  From what I've heard, it's about the last bit of sleep you'll get for the next six months.”

She yawned and adjusted against Kaidan's shoulder.  “So shut up an' let me sleep already.”


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the long wait
> 
> thanks for the kudos :)

The last two years had been hell, if Bex's infrequent messages had been any indication.  For Kaidan, it had been the most boring ones on record.  But at least he'd been in a new city instead of stuck in Vancouver or London yet again.  Tokyo was gorgeous, if a bit on the busy side.  Not that he'd had all that much time to explore.  

But he finally had a weekend free and Bex was on leave for ten days before she continued on to her final N-school course.  Passing this one would grant her the coveted N7 status.  

From what she'd said, she'd had even less time off than he had, going from one course to the next with only a day or two in between.  She'd been forced to take more time off before this last course because her instructors were afraid she was going to burn out if she didn't get some proper rest.  

She'd been off almost a week already, opting to spend it back home as she called it.  She'd been to visit her old dog Chip, now living with a neighbor since Zaeed was away on jobs more often than not.  She'd sent Kaidan a vid of the graying chocolate lab being chased around a small yard by a couple of black and white kittens and a dark-haired toddler that Bex had indicated was the neighbor's youngest grandson.  The vid had cut out after a couple of minutes, the last seconds shaky as the group came barreling toward the camera at top speed, knocking Bex over and piling onto her just before the picture went dark.  

Kaidan had been counting down all week the days until Bex was coming to Tokyo, but as days finally turned into hours, time seemed to slow to less than a crawl.  He was in meetings with his CO most of the day, preparing for his next posting, but by the time the Major finally let him go at 19:00, he couldn't seem to remember a single thing they'd talked about the entire day. 

* * *

 

> _From: Bex_
> 
> _To: Kaidan_
> 
> _Subj: Gonna Be Late_
> 
> _My flight got delayed. Something wrong in the final check of the shuttle or something. If it's much longer, I might try to switch flights. I dunno. In any case, I'll see you in a couple of hours._
> 
> _Love you!_
> 
> _-B_

* * *

“You quit eating again, didn't you?” Kaidan said the moment Bex walked off the transport. “You promised me you wouldn't do that anymore.”

She glowered at him. “We haven't seen each other in two bloody long years and that's the first thing you think to say to me?”

“Sorry.” He took her duffel and then pulled her into a deep kiss. “I am glad to see you, just –”

“Yeah I know.” She shook her head with a tired sigh. “'You look like a bloody twig' was how Sean Ingram greeted me when I went to visit Chip.”

“I wouldn't have put it like that,” Kaidan said defensively.

“Yeah, well, you might've if we'd seen each other last week instead of just now. I've had fattening up since then.”

“Oh?”

She nodded. “Sean's mum is a lot like yours. If she thinks a person's too skinny or not eating regularly, she'll damn near force-feed them, so I've been stuffed senseless for the last few days.”

Kaidan tried to hide his smirk as he asked, “And before that?”

Bex rolled her eyes. “What the hell d'you think? I've been in bloody survival training for 100 of the last 104 weeks so I've been living on goddamn energy bars and drinks.”

“Hmm.”

She glared at him as he steered her toward a taxi stand. “Don't you hmm at me, Kaidan Alenko. Just because you've had all the comforts of living on base these last two years doesn't mean we've all had that luxury!”

He chuckled and opened the passenger door of the taxi, tossing her duffel into the back seat. “Are you always this cranky lately?”

“I've got bloody good reason to be.  I've been surrounded by a bunch of annoying-ass drunk kids on holiday from uni for the last three hours,” she growled, gesturing to a pack of 20-somethings laughing and shoving each other as they passed the taxi stand.  “Next time, I'm springing for fucking private transport.”

“So I guess going to a bar is out?”

She shook her head.  “No, I definitely need a drink, or six.  Just not where they're going, or I may end up in the brig again.”

One of her first shore leaves, another short weekend, Bex had gotten into yet another bar fight, trying to prove wrong a couple of idiots who'd claimed she was too small and too much of a girl to be a Marine.  Though she hadn't seriously injured anyone for once, she and the instigators had still spent the weekend in the brig, 'til Zaeed had come home from a job and bailed her out with barely enough time to catch the shuttle heading to her N2 course on Mars.  

“Don't worry,” Kaidan said, putting a destination into the taxi's navigation VI.  “I've got just the place.”

Twenty minutes later, they were sitting in a hole-in-the-wall bar that mostly catered to Alliance Marines, watching a Canucks vs. Rangers hockey game.

"You okay?"

Bex glanced over at Kaidan, who was giving her an odd look over the top of his beer.  "Hmm?"

"I asked if you were okay," he repeated.  "You missed the last two goals."

"Did I?" She glanced up at the vid screen for a moment and sighed. "Sorry, guess my head's just not in the game right now."

"What's going on?"

"Nothing.  Just... can't keep focused on the present.  My mind keeps wandering to what might be coming for my final N-School test."  She sighed and leaned on Kaidan's shoulder.  "If I'm honest with myself, I'm absolutely fucking terrified."

"You?  Afraid?"

She rolled her eyes and lifted her head to glare at him for a moment.  "I'm serious, Kaidan."

"I know, I'm sorry."  He kissed her temple.  "So what exactly are you afraid of?"

"I... I don't know."

"You don't know?"

She shook her head against his shoulder.  "Maybe that's it, really.  It's that most of this whole... adventure, I've had some idea of what's coming up.  But this... this one they drop us off in some unknown place, so we're going in goddamn blind."

"You're afraid of the unknown."

"Yeah, I guess so.  Or maybe I'm afraid of failing.  I've come this far and to fail just as I finish..."

"You won't fail."

She looked up at him again.  "How the bloody hell do you know that?"

He shrugged.  "You've never failed at anything you put your mind to."

"If you say so."

"I do say so." He paused when the bar erupted in a combination of cheers and boos as Vancouver scored another goal.  "You're gonna go out there and kick ass just like you always do."

She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. "Y'know, that's why I love you.  You always believe in me even when I don't believe in myself."

"That's what I'm here for."  

"You wanna get out of here at the break?" Bex shouted over the sudden increase in noise as fights broke out both in the bar and in the game, following a series of dirty hits from players on both teams.  "This is just the first period; if the game keeps going like this, I don't know that I'll be able to keep out of the fight."

Kaidan nodded as the buzzer sounded, indicating an end to the period. "Good idea.  We can always watch the rest of the game at the hotel."

But by the time they reached the floor their room was on, forced to opposite sides of the elevator car by the rather large woman, her yippy chihuahua and over-sized luggage that had squeezed between them, the hockey game was the very last thing on Bex's mind. Now that they were finally alone, she wanted to do nothing but spend the rest of the weekend reacquainting herself with Kaidan.

He seemed to be of a similar mind as they reached the room.  He turned the game on but muted it, and Bex found herself pressed up against the wall, his lips already on her neck, the moment the door to their hotel room slid shut.

"You have any idea how much I missed you these last two years?" he murmured in her ear.

"I... I'm beginning to get some idea, yeah," she groaned, her head falling back against the wall as his teeth grazed down her neck and nipped at her collarbone.  As he continued down to the tops of her breasts, Bex growled in frustration and used her biotics to push away from the wall.  "Enough of this slow shit.  Fuck me, already!"

An hour later, the Canucks had won in a spectacular shoot-out, and Kaidan and Bex had been thoroughly reacquainted.  Twice.  

Exhausted, she rolled over, feeling him press up against her as he pulled the blanket up over them.  As they drifted off to sleep, she giggled when she heard him whisper, "Best hockey date ever."


	31. Chapter 31

"Say one bloody word about my face and I'll knock your fucking teeth out," Bex snarled at the expression on Zaeed's face, something between amusement and concern, as he approached her after her N7 commendation ceremony.  

"Where the hell have you lot been then?  Weren't you meant to have this ceremony a few days ago?"

She flinched slightly at the arm he put around her shoulders.  "We all got pretty beaten up, had to be kept for observation or some shit.  I'd like to skin the bloody bastard who sent us to that fucking base."

"What base?" Zaeed asked.  "What the hell happened to you?"

Bex shook her head.  "I need alcohol first."

"Fair enough."

"Let's get out of --"  She groaned as a couple of Alliance brass, including Admiral Hackett, started toward her.  "Get us a booth at the bar in your hotel, yeah? I'll be there as soon as I can."

Nearly an hour later, Bex wearily sank into the seat across from Zaeed.  

"I was starting to think you'd forgotten about me," he said, failing at a poor attempt to hide his smirk.  "Have fun with the brass?"

"Ugh."

She was thankful when he bypassed the shot glasses and just handed her the bottle of whiskey. While she cracked it open, he went to the bar and got a second for himself.  They'd drained nearly half of their respective bottles before she heaved a sigh and started telling him about what had happened during her final N-school test.

"It was just me and three other Marines, told nothing except to clear out the place when we landed.  Didn't have a damn clue where we were going til we'd got there."  Bex took a long pull from the bottle.  "It was a Blue Suns base."

"Shit. Was Vido there?"

Bex shook her head.  "No. The bastards that killed Dad were though." Her biotics flared erratically for a few seconds as she fought to control her emotions, her mind suddenly flooded with images she'd long suppressed, of the crash and the aftermath.

Zaeed looked thunderstruck as he reached over and pried her fingers from her whiskey bottle, dangerously close to shattering under her grip. "They were there? But Vido..." He growled. "That bloody bastard lied about them being dealt with."

Bex gave him a bewildered look. "It's Vido. You expected anything else?"

He shrugged and drained his bottle of whiskey.

"The two paramedics I put in hospital that day, d'you know one of them fucking died?"  She sighed again and rested her head in her arms on the table. "It's my fault, Z. I --"

"Yeah, I knew. But it wasn't ever your fault, half-pint." The seat creaked as Zaeed moved around the table to sit next to her. "It was those two bastards who caused the crash, plain and bloody simple."

Bex scoffed. "Yeah. Right. That why I got sent to Jump Zero, because I was so goddamn innocent?"

"You got sent to Jump Zero because that bitch of a doctor was on a fucking power trip and managed to finally get her way." He set a gentle hand on the back of her neck. "At least you got something out of it."

She raised her head and glared at him. "I got something out of it?"

There was a note of reluctance in his voice when he answered, "Alenko."

"Oh."

"Where is he, anyway? Thought for sure he'd have been here for this."

Bex shook her head. "He couldn't get away in time for the ceremony but we're gonna meet up tomorrow night in Vancouver."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, going to a hockey game and then dinner at his parent's house.  And as usual, that's all."  She sighed.  "We haven't seen each other for more than a day at a time in years."

"Thought for sure you lot would have had more time off after this.  Or is it him again?"

"No, it's me.  Our squads, they're all off for a couple of weeks before they go on to their next courses, but the N7s, we're heading out in less than 48 hours."  

"Alliance brass trying to work you to death or something?"

"Something like that."

* * *

Kaidan sighed into his beer for the fifth time in as many minutes.  

Bex reached across the table and put her hand on his.  "What's wrong?" she asked, frowning at the untouched steak on his plate. "You never turn down a steak, especially when your mom cooked it."

He shook his head.  "It's nothing.  Just... a little nervous."

"Nervous about what?"

He took a shuddering breath and sighed again before he reached into the pocket of his jeans, pulled out a small square box and set it on the table between them.

Bex gawked at the box and then at Kaidan, who started to slide off of his chair and onto one knee.  "What the hell are you doing?"

He seemed to rethink his strategy and simply took her hands in both of his.  "I know these last few years have been rough, hardly seeing each other at all.  But I love you, so much, and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you how much."  

Bex held her breath as Kaidan picked up the box and opened it.

He took the ring and held it out to her.  "Bex, will you marry me?"

There was a lump in her throat as she glanced at the ring before she closed his hand around it and shook her head.  "No."

The word hung in the air for what seemed like an eternity before Kaidan asked his second question of the night.  “Why not?”

Bex sighed and moved her chair closer to his, thankful he hadn't decided to propose at the bloody game.  “I love you, Kaidan.  I do.”

“But?”

“We've talked about this.  You want kids, a house.  You want what your parents have.”

“So?  Is that so bad?”

She shook her head.  “No, sweetie.  That's a great life.  For you.  And maybe someday, I'll want that life too, but not while I'm with the Alliance.”

Kaidan frowned.  “Why not?  It worked for my parents.”

“And it failed, horribly, for mine.  You were lucky.  You grew up in a house with both parents, your dad survived the war –”

“So did yours.  And mine wasn't in the war, Bex.”

“Doesn't matter.  He could have died at any time when he was with the Alliance, even something as random as a training accident or shuttle malfunction.”

“That's rare.”

“My point is, if we had kids, I'd want them to have a home like you had, not the instability I had.  The only way that's gonna happen for us is if one of us retires, and neither one of us is at a point in our careers where we're willing to do that.”

Kaidan looked like he was going to say something, but decided against it and remained silent, staring at her with a look of disbelief in his whiskey brown eyes.

She closed the distance between them and kissed him briefly before she made to get up from the table.

He wrapped his arms around her and tugged her into his lap as he deepened the kiss.  When he pulled away, there were tears in his eyes.  “Please don't go.”

She shook her head as she got up and walked to the front door.  “I'm sorry, Kaidan.”

"Can't we even talk about this?"

"We could, but we'd still end up in the same place." She tugged on her leather bomber jacket and gave him an apologetic smile as she picked up her duffel bag. "Besides, I have to go."

Kaidan frowned.  "You said earlier you don't have to leave until tomorrow."

"Never hurts to get an early start on a mission.  Besides, I'm gonna need sleep and if I stay here, I know I won't sleep."

"So that's it, you're just... leaving?  It's over just like that?"

Bex dropped her bag and walked back over to where he stood by the table.  "No, Kaidan.  It's not over.  Just... give me a couple of days, we'll talk then."

"Will you change your mind?"

"Probably not.  That doesn't mean I don't want to be with you.  I just don't want to get married."

He nodded in resignation.  "Fine.  We'll talk in a couple of days then."

She leaned up and kissed him before she walked to the front door again.  "I love you."

His reply of "I love you too" was barely audible as the door slid shut behind her.

She slid down the porch wall and hugged her knees to her chest as tears welled in her eyes.   _What the bloody hell have I done?_


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and the lovely review :)

Her face hidden in the depths of an oversized and faded Canucks hoodie she’d stolen from Kaidan years ago, Bex made her way into her favorite London pub.  She was  supposed to be back at Zaeed’s place, taking it easy and hiding from the media after the shitstorm on Torfan.  But he wouldn’t let her drink, claiming alcohol and pain pills didn’t mix, even for a biotic, so she’d escaped.  She knew she could have just told him she’d stopped taking the pain pills the day after she was released from hospital, but escaping seemed easier, and more fun.  She knew it was likely a matter of hours at most before he found her and dragged her back home for a lecture, so she curled up in the darkest booth with the strongest alcohol the bartender had on hand, and began to drink.

Two bottles of asari whiskey later, she was finally starting to feel better, so she poured a shot and  toasted the people she hated most at the moment.  “Goddamn reporters.”  She poured a second shot.  “Goddamn batarians.”  And a third.  “Goddamn Major Kyle.”  She slammed the shot glass on the table and picked up the bottle again, staring in drunken confusion a moment later when it mysteriously disappeared from her hand.  “Oi!  Gimme back my whiskey.”

“I'm going to have to deny that request, Lieutenant,” a familiar and slightly amused male voice said.  “I think you've had enough.”

Bex pushed her hood back and blinked as she looked up at the man towering over her.  "Oh, 's just you.  Admiral Pretty Eyes." 

Hackett raised an eyebrow.  "Admiral Pretty Eyes?"

"Bugger.” Bex’s head hit the table with a dull  thunk .  “I actually said that out loud?"

He chuckled.  "Afraid so."

She sighed heavily.  "'S there any chance you can forget that, sir?"

"Consider it forgotten."

“Thanks.”  She raised her head and glanced back up at him, trying not to focus on the way his eyes sparkled or the way the scar on his cheek stretched and moved when he smiled or spoke.  “How’d you find me, sir?  And why were you even looking for me?”

“It wasn’t hard to find you, Shepard.  This is just about the only pub in London you’ve not been thrown out of.  Besides, the bartender’s an old friend of mine; he sent me a message the moment you walked through the door.  As for why I’m here, I  had hoped to brief you on what to expect in the meetings about Torfan.”

She sighed.  “Oh.”

He held out a hand to her.  “Come on.  Let's go talk someplace... quieter,” he said, glancing around as a rowdy group of rugby players tumbled into the pub, arguing amongst themselves.

She glanced up at the now patient look on the Admiral’s face and considered him briefly before she somewhat hesitantly put her hand in his and he gently pulled her to her feet.  She was strongly reminded of the night so many years ago when Zaeed had held a hand out to her while she huddled in the castle on the playground.

What the hell, probably a better option than getting piss drunk on alien whiskey anyway , she decided as she walked on unsteady feet with Hackett to a cab stand just outside the bar.

“Oh look, boys,” said an all too familiar voice behind her.  “It's the bloody Butcher of Torfan, in the flesh.”

Bex swayed slightly as she spun on her heel to face the man who'd spoken, swearing so badly even Zaeed would have blushed.  

“Surprised to see you out in public, girlie,” Ian continued as he took a step closer to her, his pack of lackeys leering from behind him.  “Thought for sure you'd have gotten locked up for good by now.”

“Go 'way, Ian.”  Her biotics flared up for a moment and then died away.  

He took another step toward her and she took a step back.  “No, I don't think I will.”  He glanced over her shoulder.  “Who's the old grump?  What happen'd to what's-his-name?”

She ignored his questions.  “Fine.  Don' leave.  The hell do I care,” she muttered, turning back to the cab stand.  “I was just leaving anyway.”

“You're a bloody coward, girlie.  Always have been.  And now the whole fucking galaxy knows.”

Bex stiffened at the insult, but put a hand out to stop Hackett as he turned back toward Ian, a hand on his sidearm.  “Don't.  Please, just ignore him, sir.”

The Admiral hesitated a moment before he complied with her request and they got into the waiting cab.

“So, who was that back there?” he asked once they were in the air.

“Just... someone who used to be the only friend I had.  In a past life.”  She twirled one of the longer side pieces of her now multi-colored hair.  “Mind if I ask where we're going, sir?”

“Home,” he replied, glancing at her for a moment before concentrating on steering.  “Yours, specifically.”

She frowned.  “Why?”

“I know you probably thought it was a good idea, getting out on your own for a bit, but drunk or not, you don't need to be out in public alone at the moment.  More than a few of the families of the soldiers in your unit are...”  He sighed.  “Well, I'm sure you've realized you're not an overly popular person right now, Shepard.”

“Story of my fucking life,” she muttered.  “Wasn't my fault, sir.  It was Major Kyle.  Chickened out, left me in command when everything went to shit.  I only did what I had to in order to complete the mission.”

“I believe you.”

“And I –”  She stopped and turned to stare at him again.  “You do?”

“Of course.  You are a damn fine soldier, Shepard.  You're not intentionally reckless, at least when it comes to other peoples' lives.”  He gave her a sidelong glance.  “Not sure I can truthfully say the same when it comes to your own.”

She wanted to ask what he meant by that, but the skycab landed just then in front of Zaeed’s house.  “Sir, this isn’t my flat, or even officers barracks.”

Hackett didn't answer until he was once again holding a hand out to her, to help her out of the cab.  “I’ve no intention of you being left alone, at all, right now.  Particularly because you are meant to be taking it easy.  You remember you were shot what was it, four times, on Torfan, yes?”

“'Course I bloody remember... Sir.  But if you think Zaeed's gonna be able to keep me here, you're dead wrong.  Sir.”

“Oh?”

“I was already here before.  Snuck out.  He doesn't know I'm –”

“'Bout bloody time you came back,” Zaeed said as the back door slid open.  He glanced at Hackett.  “I was just about to send out a search party, but looks like one already found you.”

Hackett chuckled.  “You were saying something about him not knowing you'd gone?”

Bex rolled her eyes as she pushed her way past Zaeed, and ran straight into Kaidan.  “What're you doin' here?”

"I know we haven't had a chance to talk since...that night." He looked nervous.  “But I promise, I'm not here to try to change your mind or whatever.  I was worried about you.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why?  You may have said –”  He glanced over at the two men who were doing a piss poor job of pretending they weren't listening in, and gently pulled Bex into the living room.  “You may have said no to the proposal, but that doesn't mean I stopped loving you or caring about you.  You were right, about that not being the end of… us.”

“I love you too.”  She sighed and leaned her head against his chest.  “I'm sorry, I was just... I'm a little drunk, if you couldn't tell.”

She could hear the smirk in his voice.  “Oh no.  Not obvious at all.”

“Bite me.”

“Why is Hackett here?”

She shrugged and sat down, harder than she'd intended, on the couch.  “I was doin' perfectly fine on my own, and he comes in and takes away the booze.”

“From the sound of it, you're more than a little drunk, Bex.”

“Bite me.”

“You said that already,” he said with a chuckle as he sat beside her.

“Yeah, well...” 

“You all right?” he asked, wrapping an arm around her.

She shook her head briefly before dropping it down onto his shoulder.  She considered telling him about running into Ian but decided to get straight to the heart of everything.  “D'you know what they're calling me?”

“Who's they?”

“Y'know... them out there.”  She impatiently waved a hand in a random direction.  “The goddamn media.  And... other people.”

“Ah.  Yeah, I've heard.  I think everybody has by now.”

“The goddamn Butcher of bloody fucking Torfan.”

“It wasn't your fault, Bex.”

“I know that!” she growled.  She threw his arm off and launched herself off the couch, nearly crashing into the coffee table before she found steady footing.  She turned back and kissed him briefly before she headed for her bedroom.  “I'm just gonna go to bed.”

She gave no response when he called after her, "You know where I'm staying, if you need to talk or something."

As her bedroom door slid shut, she collapsed face-first onto her bed, grabbed a pillow and started screaming into it.  After awhile, her voice gave out and her throat began to hurt, so she collapsed back onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling in silence.  She knew Hackett had meant well, but she knew she’d damn well lose her mind if she had to stay cooped up with Zaeed for the next few weeks while the Alliance decided what, if anything, should happen to her because of Torfan.  Finally, her mind made up, she rolled off the bed and quietly repacked her duffel, jimmied the window open and left.

 

* * *

> From: Bex
> 
> To: Zaeed
> 
> Subj: Sorry
> 
> I can’t stay here.  It’s too much… I have to get out and do… something.  I don’t even know what.
> 
> I’ll be back in a couple of days.  You’ll probably figure out where I’m going before I do, but if you do, don’t follow me.
> 
> -B


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: violence

She’d said she would only be away a couple of days, but it was nearly a week before Bex even thought of getting out of Newcastle.  She’d spent all her time in her dad’s room at the old house, drinking whiskey and reading a diary she’d found among his possessions, one that he’d started the day after she’d shown up on his doorstep all those years ago.

She finally ventured out into the town when she felt a migraine coming on, reminding her that she hadn’t been eating nearly enough for the amount she’d drunk over the last few days.  Hell, if she hadn't had a biotic's metabolism, she'd probably have died of alcohol poisoning after the first day.  

An hour later, she walked in through the back door with three bags full of groceries, and immediately knew something was off.

She’d left the light on in the den, just enough light to filter into the kitchen so it would seem like someone was home, yet the room was currently pitch dark.  And even in the darkness, she could tell she wasn’t alone.  She slowly dropped the bags onto the counter and called up her biotics, bathing the room in a faint glow.  She still couldn’t see anyone, but it was obvious by the overturned bar stools and the fruit rolling around on the floor that someone unfamiliar with the layout had been fumbling around in the dark.

“Whoever you are, I am  not in the mood to deal with your shit,” she snarled, turning in a slow circle in the middle of the kitchen, “so you’ve got about 10 seconds before I start shooting energy balls into every fucking corner of this house.”

As she turned back to complete the circle, Bex felt a hand come up to cover her mouth and the faint sting of a needle piercing her neck.  Almost immediately, her vision began to blur and she flailed frantically against the hand on her mouth and the arm that now circled her waist, pulling her back against a heavily armored chest.

So the fuckers came prepared for once.  

She made a last ditch effort to get away, sinking her teeth into the hand at her mouth even as her knees gave out and she went limp as the world went dark again.

As she gradually regained consciousness, Bex honestly thought her head might implode on itself at any moment.  A combination of the constant drinking over the last week without eating properly as well as whatever drug had been used to knock her out had her seeing stars even before she’d made any attempt to open her eyes. The fact that she was apparently strung up like a side of beef in a slaughterhouse definitely wasn’t helping things.  Her shoulders were already beginning to ache from the strain and she could feel a couple of the more serious wounds she’d sustained on Torfan beginning to pull a bit; she just hoped none of them would reopen so she ended up bleeding out.  

Being blind in an unknown location was the last thing she needed, so she finally willed one eye open, but it was no use.  Wherever she was, she was still in total darkness.

Or she was literally blind.

She tried to call up her biotics to light up the room if only for a moment, but whoever her captor was, they had been smart enough to put a biotic suppression collar around her neck.

Well, shit .

At this point, Bex knew she was completely fucked.  Whoever had done this knew her well enough to take away all of her natural fighting abilities.  And even if she could somehow escape, she wouldn’t make it very far before she passed out from the migraine.

But who  would go to all this trouble?  Vido was always the most likely suspect, especially after the way Bex and her team had taken out his base during her N7 test.  It might have been the thing that finally pushed him over the edge to stop watching and start… doing.

Bex shuddered at the thought of what Vido would likely do to her, now that she was well and truly alone, away from Kaidan and Zaeed.  

And then she thought of a second possibility.  Ian.  Or the worst possibility of all, that they were working together.  Which not only would be pure hell for her, but definitely wouldn’t end well for Ian, if the past was anything to go by.

A cough and the rattle of chains nearby interrupted Bex’s train of thought.  Though it was useless to try, given the lack of light in the room, she twisted her own chains around, trying to find the source of the noise.

“Hello?” she called out, her voice carrying across the room though she’d barely spoken above a whisper.  “Who’s in here?”

More rattling of chains and then a familiar voice replied, “Shepard?  Is that you?”

“Yes, sir.  Admiral Faulkner, what are you… how did you…why are you here?”

“Damned if I know.”

“Me either. Any idea how long it'll take someone to notice either of us are missing?"

"The rest of the Admiralty will notice if I don't appear at your hearing."

"And me?"

"Most of the other Admirals are banking on you not showing up at all, so they won't worry if you don't."

“That’s just bloody perfect.  So, if you hadn’t disappeared too, nobody would actually have noticed I was gone?”

Bex could actually  hear the glare in his voice when he replied, “You think that little of your family, Shepard, that you really believe none of them would notice you were gone?”

She sighed.  She was in just the right mood that she nearly said  what family? but settled on agreeing with the Admiral instead.  “I suppose.  So what do we do now?”

A door at the far end of the room opened, flooding the large room with a blinding light.  Bex automatically shut her eyes, though the light was so bright, she could still see it through her eyelids.

She flinched when she heard Vido’s unmistakable sneer.  “Don’t tell me you’re thinking of leaving so soon, Rebekah.  You just got here.”

“You  know this man, Shepard?” Faulkner asked incredulously.

“Quiet, Joseph,” Vido snapped.  “You’ll get your turn.  But yes, Rebekah and I are very old friends.  Almost 20 years, in fact.”

Bex snorted derisively, ignoring the pain that resulted.  “Go fuck yourself, Vido.”

She opened her eyes again just in time to watch Vido’s fist connect with the left side of her jaw. The impact caused her to spin rapidly for several rotations until the chains couldn’t twist together anymore. 

When she stopped, once again facing Vido, he gripped her throat just above the suppression collar.  “You were saying, sweetheart?” 

A voice was screaming in the back of her head, warning her not to do it, but another part of her brain was strongly ignoring the warning, and she found herself spitting in Vido’s face, blood and, to her great annoyance, a tooth.

His grip on her throat tightening, Vido leaned in until they were nose to nose.  “You know, I had intended to leave you alone for a little while,” he growled.  “But now I think I’m going to bring in an old friend of yours to keep you  company while I have a little… chat with the Admiral.”

“You, letting someone else do the dirty work?” Bex said disdainfully.  “I’m  shocked .”

“Leave her alone,” Faulkner said as Vido seemed ready to hit her again.  “If this is about those bases the Alliance attacked two weeks ago, it’s me you want, not her.”

“Admiral, with all due respect, please shut the hell up,” Bex hissed, a warning note in her voice. “You did nothing more than give an order.  I’ve maimed or killed more Blue Suns since I was nine years old than you’ve ever dreamed existed.”

“Brave words for someone in your position, Rebekah,” Vido said.  “But if it’s all the same to you both, I think I’ll be the one giving orders right now.”

“Your funeral,” Bex muttered, closing her eyes again as Vido walked away.  

She heard chains scraping as Vido dragged a surprisingly silent Faulkner from the room.  The door closed and she was plunged into darkness again.  It should have been comforting, given the intensity of her migraine, but Bex had grown up in a world where the darkness was far from innocent.  She wouldn’t be at all surprised if the  old friend Vido spoke of had been lurking in a corner of the room the entire time.

After a couple of minutes of complete silence, in which Bex tried to relax but only succeeded in straining her shoulders more, she heard footsteps shuffling across the floor, closer and closer to where she was hanging. She felt knuckles gently dragging across her cheek and hot beer-soaked breath on her neck.

“Long time no see, girlie,” Ian’s distinctly-accented voice whispered in her ear.  “And now, you’re all mine.”


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: descriptions of violent injuries
> 
> thanks for the kudos :)

“I knew I should have followed her sooner,” Zaeed muttered as he rewatched for the fourth or fifth time the contents of the data pad he’d found in the kitchen of the old house.  After he hadn’t heard from Bex in far longer than usual and couldn’t get a response to his own messages, he’d gone up to see if she was all right, or hell, even still alive.

He’d instantly known something was wrong even before he’d ever found the data pad.  The back door had been left ajar, the contents of three grocery bags were spread across the entire downstairs of the house, not to mention some of it was starting to go bad.  The only thing that had told him she’d at least gotten there in one piece was the state of John’s room.  It looked as if a drunken tornado had passed through; to an outside observer, that would have spelled trouble, at the very least a squatter, but Zaeed knew better.  Even when she was just a child, with hardly any possessions to speak of, Bex's bedroom had always looked like something out of a disaster vid.

Zaeed hadn’t actually noticed the goddamn data pad sitting on the counter until he was on his way out of the house again.  After watching the attached vid and figuring out exactly where Vido was hiding, or at least where he’d shot the vid, Zaeed had rushed back to London to gather supplies.  Even if he had to go in alone, he was determined to get Bex away from Vido once and for all.

He just hoped he wasn’t too late.

Hardly paying attention to what was going on around him as he headed out the door, Zaeed was more than a little surprised to find Admiral Hackett and Morgan Carmichael standing on the front step.

“Sorry, gents, can’t stop,” he said, pushing past them to dump a cache of weapons into the back of his skycar.  “And if you’re looking for Bex, she’s not here.”

“We know,” Morgan said as he held out an identical data pad to the one Zaeed still clutched in his hand.  “Vido’s got her, and Joe.”

"Who?"

"Admiral Faulkner."

“Well, that complicates things a bit,” Zaeed said, not bothering to watch the vid on the second data pad.  He didn’t really want to know what state Bex might have been in by the time Vido had gotten to Faulkner.  He glanced at Morgan.  “But I suppose that’s why you’re here?”

The younger man nodded.  “We figured you might have some idea of how to get to them.”

“I do, but if you’re coming along, you’re going to want to leave the goddamn army at home,” Zaeed said, gesturing toward the shuttle full of Marines that had just landed.

“And why’s that?” Hackett asked, looking somewhat warily at Zaeed.

“Because they’re on Omega.  So unless you want to start a war with all of the Terminus Systems by sending in an Alliance ship, you’ll take as few people as possible.”  Zaeed closed and locked his front door.  “Or you let me go in alone.”

“Fat chance of that happening,” Hackett retorted.

“I know why he’s here,” Zaeed said, nodding to Morgan before eying the Admiral critically, “but what the hell's your interest?”

“Aside from the fact that Joe happens to be a good friend of mine?”

“Yeah, besides that.”

“I wanted to make sure Shepard made it back as well.  Joe and I are just about the only ones who are on Shepard’s side in this whole Torfan mess.  If she was the only one gone, the rest of the Admiralty wouldn’t give two shits if she came back.”

“Oh she’ll just love knowing that,” Zaeed said.  “All right, if you insist, let’s just fucking go.  Longer we stand here, the more likely the chance we’ll find the both of them dead.”

Morgan shook his head with a half-hearted laugh.  “So that’s where Bex’s oh so cheery disposition comes from.”

Zaeed smacked him on the back of the head.  “Shut your goddamn yap and get in the goddamn car.  We’ll pick up a less conspicuous ride at the spaceport.”

* * *

It had been at least five years since he'd checked this particular base, not far from the original, but Zaeed still remembered each hallway, blind spot and ambush point like he'd lived there his entire goddamn life.  Last time, he'd been alone and only really concerned with finding out if Vido was there.  This time, he knew he'd have to be a lot more careful.  One wrong step and it wasn't just his neck on the line.  

He'd grumbled the entire trip out of London, side-eying the spec-ops Marines that had come along for the ride.  At least he'd been able to pare it down to half a dozen of Faulkner's own men, including a couple of medics, from the goddamn platoon the Admiralty had tried to insist upon.  It was Zaeed's not-unbiased opinion that the whole lot of them were out of touch with the realities of battle.  They still played every situation by the fucking book, which was why Bex was likely to get screwed over with the Torfan hearing.  Assuming they ever got that far.  Wouldn't be any bloody point in a hearing if the subject in question was dead.

_Get your act together, old man.  Won't do her any good if your head's not clear._

As they finally entered the heart of the base, Zaeed started looking for one particular room he'd seen the last time he'd been there.  It had reminded him of the dungeons that were rampant in the fairy tale vids Bex had watched when she was little.  It was the likeliest place Zaeed could, or would, think of for Vido to stash Bex and the Admiral.

"I think I heard something, down this way," Morgan said, running off down a corridor to the left.  "Could be them."

"Could be, or it could be a staged distraction," Zaeed said.

"Or they could have been separated," Hackett interjected.  "It may be wise if we split up."

"Practical, maybe. Wise?  Not bloody likely," Zaeed scoffed.  "It's as good a plan as any though.  How d'you want to split up?"

"No need!" Morgan called, already halfway down his chosen path.  "I think I found them!"

Zaeed and Hackett hurried after him, the two medics bringing up the rear.

Faulkner was badly beaten but conscious, chained to the wall not far from the door.  "She's over there," he said quietly, jerking his head toward the other side of the room.  "She's alive but a lot worse off than I am, I think."

As he ran to the far side of the room with Hackett steps behind him, Zaeed braced himself for the worst.  If Faulkner looked that bad yet claimed Bex was worse off...

"'Bout bloody time you fuckers got here," Bex whimpered as they approached; her voice was weak but her tone still had a sarcastic bite to it.  "Didn' think I could hold him off much --"

"Hold who off?" Zaeed asked, crouching down in front of her as she slumped against the wall.  "Bex?  Shit."

Multi-colored hair aside, she was damn near unrecognizable, her face swollen and bruised.  

"She had been strung up, up there."  

Glancing over his shoulder, Zaeed saw Faulkner gesturing to something above them as he limped over, leaning heavily on Morgan.  The mercenary looked up and swore under his breath as he saw chains with attached shackles hanging from a hook in the ceiling.

"Vido pulled her down and threw her in the corner after she did that," the Admiral continued.

All eyes now followed his gaze to the opposite wall, where a man, or what was left of him, lay crumpled on the ground; his neck appeared to be broken yet he'd also been shot several times, after he was already dead.

"You can't be bloody serious.  How the hell could Bex do that?" Zaeed growled, glaring at Faulkner a moment before he turned his attention back to the chains that bound Bex's arms behind her back while Hackett concentrated on the collar around her neck.  "Who is that anyway?"

"Don't know, really.  Vido said it was an old friend when he first came in.  But yes, she did do that... broke the bastard's neck anyway.  Don't ask me how because I didn't see it; heard it though.  Vido shot him, after he was already dead.  Out of frustration, I suppose."

"Bloody lucky he didn't shoot her."

Zaeed carefully lifted Bex in his arms and started for the door while Hackett moved up to help hold up Faulkner and the other two Marines took up positions to cover at the front and rear.  The rest all thought it was damn strange that they hadn't run into Vido at any point, but Zaeed thought it was just like him, slinking away into the shadows like a bloody coward before the cavalry arrived.  

But Vido couldn't hide forever.  He was much too proud for that.  He'd come around again, to see the damage he'd inflicted.  And this time, Zaeed would be waiting for him.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos :)

_"If you're here to talk to Bex, you're shit out of luck."_

_"How's she doing?"_

_"Not great.  She's sleeping a lot, ignoring everything and everyone when she's awake."_

_"Even you?"_

_"Especially me."_

Bex sighed to herself as she listened to the conversation taking place just outside her hospital room.  It was true that she'd slept a solid two days after they'd docked at Arcturus, but since then, she'd mostly just been faking sleep to avoid having to talk to people.  While she was grateful they'd gotten her out, now she wished they'd all just fuck off.  She didn't want their questions, their company, and especially their goddamn pity.  

"You can't avoid everyone forever, Shepard."

Bex cracked one eye open and glanced over at Admiral Faulkner as he sat beside her bed.  "I can bloody well try. Sir."

He waved off the title.  "I think after what we went through, you and I are beyond such formality in a friendly setting."

"Sorry, sir.  You can call me Bex if you like, but you'll always be Tamara's dad, which makes you _an adult_."

He chuckled.  "I seem to have that effect on a lot of people.  Even Mandy decided my name should be Admiral Grandpa." He glanced for a moment across the room to where Zaeed still stood outside, talking to Hackett before turning serious eyes on Bex.  "How are you, really?"

"I'm..." She shook her head as she looked down at her hands, picking at the bandages on her wrists.  "I'll be all right.  Probably.  How about you?"

"Can't seem to sleep more than a few minutes at a time," Faulkner admitted.  "I end up reliving it all, the sounds anyway, since there were blessed few sights."

"Yeah.  It gets easier though, eventually.  How long are you stuck in here?"

"A couple of days, maybe less, though I'll probably stay on the station a bit before I head back to London."

"Lucky you.  I'm here probably another week at least."

"Not a fan of hospitals then?"

Bex shook her head again.  "Nothin' good ever happens in them.  'Sides, the sooner Zaeed's away from Arcturus, the better.  Alliance makes him itch."

"I've noticed.  I'm surprised he's been able to hold a civil conversation with Hackett this long."

As if on cue, the conversation outside the door seemed to quickly become heated and it wasn't long before Hackett left and Zaeed stormed back into the room, looking at Bex in surprise.  "Oi.  You're actually awake."

"Yup."

"And actually acknowledging someone's existence?"

She nodded toward Faulkner.  "He started it.  So what'd you say that pissed off Hackett?"

Zaeed narrowed his eyes.  "What the hell makes you think I pissed him off?"

"Because I may not know him all that well, but I do know you really goddamn well and you have no bloody clue how to have a conversation without turning into an argument."  She held up a hand when he started to argue.  "One, you just proved my point, and two, well... you are usually the one that turns it into an argument."

He was about to respond when a nurse popped her head in through the doorway.  "You've got more visitors, Shepard," she said with an apologetic smile.  "Important ones by the look of them."

Bex groaned.  "Can't you just tell them I'm not up to more visitors right now?"  Important visitors in a place like Arcturus could only mean Alliance brass, and she did not have the energy necessary to keep her mouth from spouting off all the curses she'd been thinking of since Faulkner's revelation about her hearing.

The nurse shook her head with a muttered "sorry" seconds before Hackett returned, followed by three other men that Bex instantly recognized as the rest of the voting members of the Admiralty.  

"Good, you're already here," one of them said with a nod to Faulkner, ignoring the painful and stiff salute Bex gave.

Faulkner frowned.  "What do you mean already?  You were expecting me to be?"

"They want to do the Torfan hearing," Hackett said, looking decidedly pissed off at the idea. "Here and now."

"You want to what?" Bex snarled, sitting straight up in the bed.

"Silence! You've stalled on this long enough, Shepard," the first man snapped.  His dark eyes bored into her pale ones as he continued, "You can't keep avoiding --"

"You can not be fucking serious!" she muttered angrily.  She fell back against her pillows in a mix of shock at their stupidity and pain from moving too much too quickly.  "I wasn't avoiding anything, sir.  Vido --"

"Just stop, Shepard," another of the admirals said. "We know all about your supposed history with Vido Santiago and the Blue Suns. And then you dragged Admiral Faulkner into your drama to avoid repercussions for your actions on Torfan.”

As the room fell into stunned silence, Bex felt the familiar tingling coursing through her limbs as her biotics warmed up.  She cursed the fact that they seemed to respond most effectively to her anger, especially considering that the doctors had warned her to keep her biotics offline for at least a week while she regained strength.

An angry and stern voice from the doorway broke some of the tension in the room.  "What the hell is going on in here?" Bex's doctor, a short white-haired woman, snapped.  "This is a hospital room, not an interrogation room.  Lieutenant Shepard needs rest."  She narrowed golden brown eyes at Admiral Faulkner.  "As do you, sir, if you wish to leave this hospital tomorrow."

The three admirals who had come in with Hackett began arguing with the doctor.  "You have no right..." "She can't keep avoiding..." "Do you know who -"

"Get. Out." The doctor's voice was now eerily calm as she stared down the three men, all of whom were at least a foot taller than her.  "You may give the orders on the field of battle, gentlemen, but in this hospital, I do.  If I find out you've disturbed either the lieutenant or Admiral Faulkner again, I will have you barred from the premises."

Bex fully expected further argument, as the one who'd spoken to her first looked ready to unleash a barrage of insults on anyone in his vicinity, but the other two merely turned toward Bex and nodded once.  "We'll be in touch, Shepard," the older of the two said.  "This... this is not over."

Once the three admirals had gone, as well as the doctor, Zaeed stood up and began pacing the room.  Truth be told, Bex had nearly forgotten he was still there.

"The goddamn nerve of those bastards," he muttered, tightly clenching his jaw.  "To actually accuse -"

Bex turned to Faulkner.  "They don't actually believe that, do they?  That I dragged you into my drama?"

Hackett answered instead.  "Wells does.  He was the one who organized the rescue, tried to order the men to leave you there if you and Joe happened to be in the same location."  He glanced at Zaeed.  "That was the reason I tagged along.  To make sure that order wasn't followed, or that they didn't just decide to finish her off."

"Would have been a fucking mercy killing, the way I felt," Bex muttered quietly so only Faulkner heard.  He reached over and gently squeezed her hand as she looked up at Hackett.  "What's Wells got against me, anyway?"

"It's not you, Shepard," Hackett said, taking a step toward the door to prevent Zaeed from leaving the room.  "You're... a proxy for his grief."

Bex raised an eyebrow.  "I'm sorry?"

"Do you remember in your N-school class, there was one whose N7 test went sideways and almost everyone died on the Blue Suns base?"

She nodded silently, wondering where the hell he was going with this.

"Wells' daughter was part of the squad at that base, and as I'm sure you remember, the leader of said squad was one of the many who died on Torfan."

"So what you're saying is Wells is trying to punish _me_ for _his_ inability to punish the dumbass who got his daughter killed."

"Yes."

"Can't you do something about that?" 

"We're trying," Faulkner said.  "Believe me, we're trying."


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the kudos and bookmark :)

Six months Bex had been in rehab on Arcturus and she was fucking sick of it.  Sick of not being able to fight, sick of having to be reminded day after day of the damage Vido and Ian had inflicted, and sick of the bloody empty gestures and broken promises she’d heard since day one.

The hearing had gone ahead, without Admiral Wells, the moment Bex had been released from the hospital.  They’d asked questions about Torfan and nothing else, and even given her a promotion for it, and yet she still hadn’t been given new orders.

Just a few more weeks and you’ll get a new assignment.  She was going to punch the next person who said anything remotely like that to her, even if it was Admiral Hackett.

But at the moment, she had other things to worry about.  Someone had coaxed her into babysitting Mandy for a week while Tamara and Morgan had some alone time.  She’d hoped Kaidan would stick around to help out, but he’d received new orders the day Tamara left for London, so she was on her own.

She’d been having a fitful nightmare, the same one she always had, when she woke up very suddenly.  She groaned slightly as she realized something or someone was sitting on her legs.  

“Mandy, what have I told you about sitting on my knees like that?” she said without opening her eyes.  “‘Specially when I’m trying to sleep?”

The weight shifted and then Mandy was poking at her left arm.  “Auntie Bee, why do you have a bandage on your arm?  Did you get hurt again?”

Bex smiled at the absolute devastation in the six-year-old’s voice before she sat up and pulled the girl into her lap.  “No, sweetie, I’m not hurt again.”  For the moment, she added in her head.  “I got inked.”

“What’s inked?”

“I got a tattoo,” she clarified, trying not to laugh at the scrunched look of confusion on the girl’s face.  “Like your daddy has, and your grandpa.”  

Tamara had a couple as well, but they weren’t visible in polite company; she and Bex had gotten ‘matching’ ones, the result of a lost bet during a girls’ weekend in Vegas for Bex's 21st birthday.

“Can I see it?” Mandy asked, poking Bex’s arm again. “Does it hurt?”

“You keep poking it, it will,” Bex teased.  “Yeah, I guess you can see it, but after breakfast.  Yeah?”

Mandy hopped off the bed.  “Okay!”

Bex collapsed back on the bed in exhaustion.  Not for the first time, she found herself wondering just how Tamara managed to do this every single day.  

“Auntie Bee?  There’s somebody at the door!”

“Who is it?”  She heard the sounds of Mandy dragging a kitchen chair over to the security monitor and then silence.  “Mandy?  Who is it?”

“Somebody from the Alliance.”

Bex sighed and rolled out of bed, running her fingers through her hair as she ran to the front door.  She glanced at the monitor and then raised an eyebrow as she looked at Mandy.  “Really?  You didn’t recognize Admiral Pretty… um… Hackett?”

The girl grinned but said nothing.

Bex suppressed the urge to roll her eyes and unlocked the door.  “Good morning, sir,” she said, snapping a salute which Hackett waved away.  “Wasn’t expecting company at… oh bugger.  It’s really almost 1100 hours?”  She mockingly glared at Mandy.  “You weren’t supposed to let me sleep that long.”

Mandy grinned again and hopped off the chair before she ran to the kitchen.

“So, what brings you...” Bex’s eyes widened as she spotted the large cups Hackett was holding.  “Is that coffee?”

He chuckled and handed her one of the cups, from the coffee shop not far from Tamara’s quarters.  “I just wanted to see how you were holding up.  The reports from your therapists are… interesting, to say the least.”

Bex drained half of her coffee in one scalding gulp before responding.  “I’m bored.”

“Bored?”

“I’m not used to having to sit around and basically do nothing.”  She shrugged.  “So, I tend to entertain myself by annoying the therapists.”

“I see.” He seemed to be studying her as he took a sip of his own coffee.  “So what do you do for fun outside of therapy?”

“Mostly sit around letting men poke me with needles.” She smirked as she held up her bandaged arm when he gave her a questioning look.  “Tattoos.  This is my latest, just finished yesterday.”

“When did you have time to do that if you were watching Mandy?”

“An hour at a time every day between my therapy session and picking her up from school.”  Bex glanced toward the kitchen.  “That reminds me; I promised to let her see it after breakfast. Come on.”

While Mandy settled in her room with a stack of chocolate chip waffles and what was left of Saturday morning cartoons, Bex and Hackett sat at the kitchen table, chatting over the rest of their coffee and a box of pastries he’d brought.

“So, what are you really doing here, sir?” she asked after she caught him studying her intently.  “Is it really because of the reports?”

He shook his head.  “Are you always this suspicious of everyone’s intentions, Shepard?”

“Generally, sir.”  She shrugged.  “It’s kinda how I’ve stayed alive all these years, if occasionally a little worse for wear.  Well?”

“Fine.  Officially, if anyone were to ask, then yes, I suppose I’m here because your therapists are threatening to quit.”

“Is there an unofficial reason, then?”

“You need a break, a distraction from everything that’s not happening.”

“And… you’re going to provide that distraction?” she asked, hiding a smirk as she studied the half-eaten pastry on her plate instead of looking at him.  “What’d you have in mind?”

* * *

> _From: Hackett_
> 
> _To: Shepard_
> 
> _Subj: Dinner?_
> 
> _I apologize for having to rush away before we could finalize a plan, but if you are still interested, I’m attaching the location of a small restaurant not far from Commander Faulkner’s quarters that_ isn’t _often busy.  I know you tend toward loud and rowdy pubs, but I have a feeling you might need a break from loud after your week with Mandy, and she could probably do with a change of pace as well._
> 
> _-Hackett_

* * *

The restaurant Hackett had picked couldn’t have been more different from the pubs that Bex frequented back in London.  He hadn’t been kidding about it not being busy.  In fact, there were only two other tables occupied when she arrived.

Hackett was sitting at a table near the back and waved her over before the hostess had even approached her.  

“Traveling alone, I see,” he said as she sank into the booth across from him.  “Where’s Mandy?”

“Sleepover at the Moreaus’.  Their daughter Hilary is in Mandy’s class at the academy.”

“I see.  Was this prearranged or a spur of the moment thing?”

Bex laughed.  “Very much prearranged, Hilary’s birthday party sleepover.  And the thought of it was just about the only thing that’s kept me going this week.”  

“Babysitting not really your thing?” Hackett asked after their orders had been taken and drinks served.  

“I’ve never done it for so long, and by myself.  Kaidan was usually there too.”  She took a sip of wine as a twinge of guilt shot through her at mentioning Kaidan’s name.  She knew she had fuck-all to be guilty about, essentially being on a date with Hackett, as she and Kaidan had broken up months ago.  They’d tried to stay together, but they’d drifted apart in the weeks after Torfan and Vido’s attack.  Bex knew it was her own fault, that she’d pushed him away just like she’d pushed everyone else away, needing space from… everything.  But they’d finally gotten back to a place of friendship, though she wasn’t sure if it would have lasted a week living together and taking care of Mandy, so maybe him getting orders was a blessing in disguise.

Bex was brought out of her reverie by the light touch of calloused fingers against the back of her hand.  She glanced up to find Hackett’s blue eyes filled with concern.

“Are you all right?” he asked, his hand lingering on hers a moment longer before he pulled it back.  “You seemed to be a thousand light years away there for a while.”

She shook her head slightly.  “Sorry, just… You were right, y’know, about me needing a distraction from everything.  But…”

“But?”

“Why me, sir?” Her hand automatically went up to twirl a piece of hair around her finger.  “There must be a hundred other things you could be doing, other people you could be… whatever… so why me?”

It seemed an eternity before Hackett spoke again, like he was carefully considering how to answer.  “I find you intriguing, Shepard.  Always have, ever since the first time we met outside Kildare’s Pub in London.”

Bex snorted.  “As first impressions go, sir, I couldn’t have made a very good one.”

“I’ve run into many drunken Marines in my day, but you were by far one of the most civil.”

“You must have caught me on a… good day, then.  Not often I can be described as civil after an argument with Zaeed.”  She frowned.  “So, you’re doing all this, keeping track of me and all, because I intrigue you, sir?”

“That was the beginning of it, I suppose, what made me take an interest in your career,” he said after another prolonged silence.  “But it’s more than that now.  I like you, and I find myself wanting to get to know you better, who you are outside of being a soldier.”

She could feel a blush rising up her neck and cheeks, positive her face must be as red as her hair, when she smiled at him. “I'd like that.”


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the stupidly long wait!
> 
> Thanks for all the kudos, comments, etc. They really kept me going :)

"Gods, I am so bloody sick of this," Bex said, cracking open a fortune cookie as she leaned back in Hackett's office chair and propped her feet up on his desk.

"Sick of what exactly?" he asked, crossing the room after double checking he'd locked the door. He tapped the toe of her boot with his plate of orange chicken. "Feet off the desk, Rebekah."

"Sir, yes, sir!" she said with a smirk, giving him a mock salute with half of her fortune cookie as she dropped her feet back to the floor.

She was slowly getting used to him using her given name, having given him permission after she nearly laughed herself hoarse the first time he'd actually called her Bex instead of Shepard. The nickname just didn't sound right coming from him. He'd given her another reason to use it, pointing out that it was long past time someone took away that bit of control Vido had over her. But six months later and she was still having to make a conscious effort not to react negatively whenever Hackett said it. At the very least, she'd whittled it down to a sarcastic response. Usually.

He sat on the edge of his desk and gave her an appraising look before he asked again, "So what is it you're sick of?"

She twirled in the chair a couple of times before the motion made her dizzy and she stopped, facing him again. "It's... I dunno. I love that we've been able to see each other every day since I've been back, but I don't know how long that's gonna last. I'm just sick of seeing these four walls, and your goddamn nosy yeoman, who keeps giving me these looks every time I stop by, and -"

Hackett sighed and shook his head. "I'm sure he's just waiting to see if you'll break out your biotics and pin him to the wall again."

"He bloody deserved that," Bex said, more savagely than she'd intended.

A week ago, what Bex had thought would be a six month tour of duty had ended abruptly with a month left after the entire crew got severe food poisoning. Bex had come by to surprise Hackett late in the afternoon, but had ended up in a confrontation with his yeoman after the young corporal had made the mistake of asking Hackett if Bex was _the_ Commander Shepard, the Butcher of Torfan.

The corporal hadn't been able to finish his question before she'd lifted him up a couple of feet in the air with her biotics and told him in no uncertain terms just what exactly happened to the last person who'd called her that. Of course, she'd left off that that wasn't actually why she'd killed the bastard.

Hackett set his plate on the desk and reached for her hand to pull her to her feet. "Of course he deserved it."

She narrowed her eyes as she stood and allowed him to pull her into his arms. "I'm sensing a _but_ coming."

"Not at all." He sighed and gave her an apologetic look. "I'm sorry this week has been so busy, but I will make it up to you. Tonight even."

She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her fingers playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "'S okay, I promise. It's not all -." She stopped and raised an eyebrow. "Make it up how?"

He chuckled at her tone. "I thought maybe we'd start with that movie night we've been talking about for months now." He brushed the backs of his knuckles along her jaw, his thumb tracing along her bottom lip. "And then we'll see where the night takes us."

Her breath hitched at the heat in his gaze. "Sounds... perfect." She sucked the tip of his thumb into her mouth and gently bit down as she grinned up at him. "'Course, we could see where right now takes us."

There was a pause where neither of them so much as breathed before they moved at the same time so their lips connected in a heated and urgent kiss. He slid his hands down her sides to cup her ass, lifting her slightly as he moved to flip their positions so he stood between her legs as she sat on the edge of his desk.

"You have no idea how many times I've dreamed about doing this," she murmured as his lips moved along her jaw to her throat and down to her collar bone.

His hummed response sent a shiver of pleasure down her spine.

Fingers fumbling with buttons, they both froze when they heard the unmistakeable sound of a chair squeak and voices in the outer office; several moments went by before the inter-office comm went off and the yeoman's timid "Sir?" filled the silence.

Bex nearly bit a hole in her lip, trying not to laugh as Hackett barked at the corporal, asking what he wanted.

The young man's voice faltered a moment before he said, "I was just wondering if Commander Shepard was still in your office."

"I can't imagine why that would be any of your business, Stanley," Hackett said, reigning in his temper only slightly.

"I'm sorry, sir, it's just that Admiral Wells is here for your afternoon meeting."

Hackett cursed under his breath. "Thank you, Stanley. I'll be out in a moment."

"Bugger, and this day was just looking up," Bex muttered as she hopped off the desk and straightened her clothes and hair. "That... ugh... I can't deal with him."

"Wells?"

"Yeah. I know it's been a year, but ever since all the shit with him and Torfan, it's been a struggle to keep my biotics in check whenever I'm around him. I just want to... do worse than what I did to Stanley last week."

"Don't we all." Hackett sighed and wrapped his arms around her again. "You'll be fine. All you have to do is acknowledge him and walk out. No need to talk to him."

"Yeah. Sure. And if he talks to me first?"

He leaned down and kissed her briefly before he led her over to the door and unlocked it. "Leave that to me. Just keep tonight in the back of your mind." His voice dropped to a low growl when he murmured in her ear, "I'll make it worth the wait."

Bex swallowed hard to suppress a moan at his words and prayed no one could tell how flustered she was as they stepped into the outer office. She turned to Hackett and saluted. "Thank you for your time, Admiral and I... look forward to your further insights."

"Any time, Commander. I'll send you a message later to set up another meeting." He gave her a warm smile before his gaze shifted over her head and he nodded to the man standing behind her. "Tim, come on in."

"What's _she_ doing here?" Wells asked, a sneer on his lips as he and Bex passed each other.

She remained silent and clenched her fists to reign in her temper as she inched closer to the outer door.

"I can't imagine how that's any of your business," Hackett said smoothly, echoing the words he'd said to his corporal not five minutes ago. He gestured to his office. "Shall we?"

Bex breathed a sigh of relief as Hackett's office door closed. Now all she had to do was get through her own afternoon meeting with Captain Anderson while not thinking about her date tonight.

Six agonizingly slow hours later, she was in her closet, ransacking her civvies for the perfect outfit to wear... again. She'd already changed her mind five times.

That skirt didn't look right with that top; that was her lucky hockey sweater, only worn during the play-offs... no wait, that was _Kaidan's_  hockey sweater; that dress was entirely too revealing for a first date; crap, that dress is too small; maybe these jeans?

She fell back onto the pile of clothes on her bed and sighed deeply. Had she ever been this nervous or put this much thought into an outfit before a date with Kaidan? Probably, but she’d been a dumb little love-struck teenager back then. This was just bloody ridiculous and it had to stop. It wasn't even really a first date anyway, just the first one where they weren't in his office.

Her stomach growled loudly, reminding her of the time, and she quickly hopped off the bed and made a serious attempt at getting dressed; twenty minutes later, she had settled on dark wash jeans, an off-the-shoulder black top, and heels.

Now she just had to figure out where Admirals lived when they weren't at the office...

Though she’d explored the majority of the station during her last six months’ confinement, Bex still felt like she was in a whole other world while trying to follow the directions Hackett had sent to his quarters. She was concentrating so hard on where she was going, she neglected to look out for other people in the area and slammed into someone walking in the opposite direction.

"Hey, you okay?" She flinched when they went to grab her arms to keep her from falling backwards. "Wait. Bex?"

Bloody perfect. Of all the people to run into now…

She sighed and smiled weakly as she looked up into a familiar pair of whiskey brown eyes. “Hey, Kaidan.”

"What are you doing here?" he asked, releasing his hold on her arms. "I thought -”

“Food poisoning,” she said. “Whole damn ship.”

“Wow. How long are you here for?”

She shrugged. “No idea. Been here a week so far, but it better not be as long as last time.”

“Definitely.” Kaidan glanced at her outfit and raised a questioning eyebrow. “I'm guessing either you're going out for drinks or...”

She felt a blush creeping up her neck. “I’ve… got a date,” she admitted, looking anywhere but at him.

“Ah. I’m glad. Anyone I know?”

“No,” she said just a little too quickly.

He obviously knew she was lying, but didn’t press the matter.

"Where are you off to?” she asked, quickly taking the focus off of herself. She ventured a glance at him and noticed for the first time his own state of dress, faded jeans and a ratty old Alliance hoodie. “Please tell me you’re not going on a date, dressed like that. If we weren’t on Arcturus, I’d swear you were going to weed your mum’s flower beds or something.”

He shook his head. “No, nothing as exciting as all that. Morgan just got in a couple of hours ago, so...”

Bex giggled. “So you’re on babysitting duty?”

"Yup, two whole days.”

“Oh, you poor baby.”

Kaidan rolled his eyes. “Yes, we all know what a horrible time you had, sitting for a week, but school’s out for break, so this is a continuous 48 hours of Mandy, no breaks.”

“True.” Bex smirked and patted his arm in mostly genuine sympathy. “Good luck with that.”

“Mhm.” He paused a moment and looked at her thoughtfully. “Look, I know you’ve probably got plans for most of your shore leave, but you want to grab lunch sometime, maybe? Catch up or something?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that. But uh… after you’re done babysitting.”

He laughed. “Deal.” He glanced down at his omni-tool as it pinged with a message. “Shit, I guess I’d better get to Tamara’s place. I think they’re getting antsy. And you’ve got your... date to get to.”

“Yeah.” She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. “Shoot me a message about lunch, okay?”

“Will do. Good luck with your date.”

She blushed again. “Thanks.”


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and the lovely comments :) Really keeps me going! Enjoy!

_"Fuck me."_ She hadn't meant to say it out loud, but it was the first thing that had popped into Bex's head when Hackett opened his front door.  She was positive no man had ever made jeans look _that goddamn good_.  After a moment of staring, in which she realized her mouth was actually hanging open, she cleared her throat and started over with a sheepish grin on her face.  "Hi... I meant to say hi."

He chuckled and then pulled her into a heated kiss that left her breathless.  "Hi."

"I swear, I'm not usually like this," she said, leaning into him as he put an arm around her waist and led her into the living room.  "It's just been a long day."

"It has," he agreed.  "But I think I've found the cure."

"Oh?" She glanced up at him and then grinned as her eyes followed the hand gesturing toward the pizza and beer set up on the coffee table.  "Oh gods, you do know me well.  It's just what the hungry biotic ordered."

He smiled.  "Good.  You get comfortable and look through my vid collection while I plate up the pizza."

Bex sighed happily as she sank back into the couch and began flipping through a list of vids from the mid-20th century.  "I still can't believe I finally found someone who enjoys these as much as I do," she said, settling on Charade.  "'Til now, I've always had to watch them alone."

"I still can't believe you of all people actually watch these," Hackett said.  "It's not a bad thing, I promise.  It's just with your other interests, old-school romantic comedies just don't really fit your... image."

"With bloody good reason." She picked at the label on her beer for several seconds, thinking her words over carefully before she continued.  "That image I maintain, while I do enjoy living it, started out as protection."

"From Vido?" Though she was still looking at the bottle in her hands, Bex could picture the way the muscle in Hackett's jaw jumped as he said the bastard's name, like it always did.

She nodded.  "Him, and everybody else who wasn't Zaeed.  I didn't trust a single one of the others except Noah, and even that took awhile.  So I spent most of my time in my room, watching whatever I could find on TV.  Ended up falling in love with these old vids even at that young age.  It's still a very secret vice, though I don't know why." She shrugged.  "In any case, of the people I've told about it, none of them will watch them with me."

Hackett sounded surprised when he asked, “Massani has no love for the classics?”

Bex snorted.  “You’ve met the man and you’re still asking that question?  But it wasn’t just him.  He and my dad both fell asleep if I tried to get them to watch, and Kaidan refused to watch any of the vids more than once.” She sighed melodramatically, bringing one hand up to cover her eyes.  “Even my dog would leave the room whenever I queued up Casablanca.”

“That is the saddest thing I’ve ever heard,” he teased.

"Hush, you," she said, gently elbowing him in the side.  "Enough talking, yeah?  Let's get to actually watching the bloody thing."

It was a surreal feeling, watching one of her favorite movies with someone who enjoyed them as much as she did. She was used to hearing questions muttered in quiet indignation at a part that made no sense to them, or snoring as they _just couldn't stand one more bloody minute of this drivel_.  In Zaeed's defense, he had tried to watch them the first few times when she was little.

But now, Bex found herself stealing glances at the man sitting next to her.  The man who genuinely laughed at all the funny bits and pulled her closer when she flinched if someone threatened Reggie too much, which was more often than she'd remembered.  By the time the end credits rolled, they'd gone from sitting somewhat close together to stretched out on the couch, her head lying on his chest, his arms wrapped snuggly around her.  She shivered faintly and hid a smile when she felt his fingers tracing random patterns across the bare skin just below her biotic amp port.

"It's been a long time since I've felt this relaxed," she murmured as she lifted her head for a moment and smiled up at him.  "This was just what I needed."

"Me too." He pressed a kiss to her forehead.  "We should do this more often."

"Definitely."

"In case I didn't say it before, you look incredible tonight," he said after they'd laid together in companionable silence for several minutes.  

A blush rose on her cheeks as she muttered, "So do you, in case my idiotic display at the front door wasn't an obvious sign."

She felt a chuckle rumble through his chest before he pulled her up so they were face-to-face.  "I thought you were adorable."

"Thanks, I think.  I'm not sure I've ever been called that before, certainly not recently."

"Okay, I was wrong.  That is the saddest thing I've ever heard."

She snorted.  "I refer you once more to Zaeed Massani."

"You do have point.  Still..."

"If it makes you feel any better, you can say it as much as you want."  She carded her fingers through his hair and rested her forehead against his.  "I probably won't always believe you, but you can still say it."

"Mm.  Yes, I can work with that." He ghosted his lips across hers. "Now, I believe I promised that tonight would be -”

“Interrupted?” she provided unhelpfully as someone leaned on the door buzzer and then began pounding on the door.

He rolled his eyes at her, grumbling under his breath as they untangled themselves and he straightened his clothes before heading into the hall.  “Stay here.  This won’t take long.”

While Hackett gave a thorough dressing down to whoever was at the door, Bex wandered around the living room, looking at the various pieces that decorated the space.  While she lived among increasingly intricate beer bottle sculptures and Zaeed practically lived in an armory, Hackett had filled his quarters with paintings from places across the galaxy as well as prints of vintage paintings, and posters from various operas.

She was studying a painting of pre-Blitz Elysium when she heard the front door slide shut and Hackett giving a command to his security VI.  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” she said, not taking her eyes off of the painting as she felt him come up behind her and wind his arms around her waist, his fingers toying with the hem of her shirt.

“Mmm. It is,” he murmured against her hair.  “But not half as beautiful as you.”

She hid her face against his chest as she turned to face him, feeling a blush rising yet again.  “Steven…”

“Don’t you dare tell me no one’s ever told you that you were beautiful before.”

“No, they have.  Just never been compared to one of the most beautiful places in the galaxy.”  She huffed out a laugh and leaned up to kiss away the indignant frown on his face. “Now,” she smoothed her hands along his chest and unbuttoned the first few buttons on his shirt, peppering the exposed skin with kisses as well, “can we get back to where we were before we were interrupted twice?”

“No more talking then?” He smirked and lifted her up by the backs of her thighs and she wrapped her legs around his waist, her arms around his shoulders as he carried her toward his bedroom.  “I suppose I’ll just have to _show_ you how beautiful you are.”


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the overlong wait.
> 
> Happy N7 Day!!!
> 
> And thank you for the kudos, comments, etc. They really keep me going :)
> 
> Mildly NSFW in the first half.

All Bex wanted to do was have a nice long bath and an even longer nap.  She’d been away for close to a year, overseeing the establishment of a small post not far from the border with the Terminus Systems, and she was fucking exhausted.  She had only a few short days before she’d be heading back for at least another six months, if not longer, and she intended to relax every bloody second she could.

But the moment she stepped into her quarters and heard voices in the kitchen, she knew she’d likely have to put her plans on hold.

“Steven?” she called as she dropped her duffel and jacket on the couch.  

A moment later, Hackett walked out of the kitchen, an unreadable expression on his face.  She walked toward him only to freeze in her tracks as Zaeed followed him.

Shit.

“Well this is a... lovely surprise,” she said, trying to keep her voice casual.  “What are you doing here?”

“Don’t know why he’s here or how he bloody got in here,” Zaeed said, sparing a wary glance at Hackett, “but I’m on my way to what could be a long haul job and figured I’d take you out for your birthday before I left.”

“My… birthday?”

“You forgot.” He didn’t sound all that surprised, but added, “Do you ever remember your birthday if somebody doesn’t say something first?”

“It’s been a long year, Z.”

“Hmm.” He glanced at Hackett again.  “So what is he doing here?”

“How the bloody hell should I know? I literally just walked in the door.  Can’t believe you haven’t already asked him.”

“There wasn’t a lot of talking involved,” Hackett said.  “A lot of silent threatening on his part though.”

Bex rolled her eyes.  “Of course there was.”

“You never told him about us?”

She shook her head.  “I never told any-”

“What us?” Zaeed interrupted, staring at Hackett as the admiral walked over and wrapped an arm around Bex’s shoulders.  “You mean you… and… bloody hell.  How long?”

“Year after Torfan was our first date, but we’d talked about it for six months before that.”

“That was… shit.  That was two years ago!”

“Yeah.”

An awkward silence filled the room as no one seemed to know what to say next.  Finally, Zaeed sighed deeply and headed for the door.  “Well, I guess you’ll be wanting to… catch up with each other or whatever.  I’ll see you later, half-pint.”

Bex pulled away from Hackett and put a hand on Zaeed’s arm.  “Z, wait. I still want to go for that drink, okay?  Give me a couple of hours to get myself sorted?  I’ll meet you at our usual spot.  I just really need to wash the stink of overloaded public transport off me first.”

He nodded slightly, sent a parting glare toward Hackett and opened the door.  “See you then.”

As the door slid shut again, Bex felt Hackett close the distance between them and his arms wrap around her waist.  “Are you all right?”

“Yeah.”  It was her turn to sigh deeply.  "I'm just seriously exhausted. I don't know how much longer I can stand on my own two feet right now."

"I can help with that," he said as he scooped her up in his arms and walked toward her bedroom.

"So what are you doing here?"

He gently set her on her feet in the doorway to the bathroom and gestured toward the tub. "This."

"Steven Hackett, you are a goddamn angel!" Bex squealed as she took in the scene before her.

He'd filled the tub and placed small electric candles all around it, with larger ones on the sink and the small vanity.

She turned to face him and pulled him down into a heated kiss. "It's perfect," she whispered as she pulled back slightly. "How do you always manage to know exactly what I need?"

He smiled mysteriously but said nothing.

She pouted. “Fine.  Keep your secrets.  But,” she toyed with the top button on his shirt, “will you at least join me?”

“Mm, yes I think I might be able to manage that.” He leaned down to kiss her again as he smoothed his hands down her sides, hoisting her up onto what little free space was left on the vanity, and began slowly unbuttoning her uniform top.  “I’ve missed you.  It’s been incredibly dull around here this last year.”

“It hasn’t been a bloody picnic for me either, y’know,” she murmured as she ignored his shirt for the moment and trailed her fingers down to the top of his pants.  She made quick work of getting them open and one hand dove in to grasp his hardening cock, causing him to falter as he moved to slide her open shirt down her arms.

He groaned.  “You… are very wicked, Rebekah.”

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have me any other way,” she said with a wink as she finally went to work on removing his shirt, with one hand.  She glanced up at him through heavy-lidded eyes.  “I missed you too, by the way.”

“Really? That hadn’t occurred to me at all,” he said, stifling another groan.  Removing her hand from his boxers, he pulled her off of the vanity and slid her pants over her hips, raising an eyebrow when he discovered her lack of underwear.  “Wicked indeed,” he murmured as he gently ran a knuckle along her hip.

She grinned and kicked off her pants and toed her boots off so they lay in a pile on top of her discarded shirt.  Her bra and Hackett’s clothes quickly joined the pile and they made their way to the tub.

As she slid into the water, heated to just the right temperature, Bex decided that if she’d been alone, she could have very easily died of relaxation right then and there.  But she wasn’t alone, and she and Hackett both had a lot more than relaxation on their minds.

The next hour and a half went by all too quickly and as she threw on a random outfit from her closet, Bex found herself vaguely wishing she could stay in all night.  But she hadn’t seen Zaeed in ages, and she knew Hackett would still be there when she stumbled back in hours later, too drunk to know whether she was coming or going.  That’s just how nights out with Zaeed ended up.  Always.

* * *

“Oi.  Who said you could start the party without me?” Bex said, sliding into the seat across from Zaeed.  From the number of empties on the table, he’d come to the bar straight from her quarters and had been drinking ever since.

“‘S what happens when you're late to your own goddamn party,” he said, handing her a wrapped bottle of her favorite asari whiskey. “Happy birthday, half-pint.”

“Thanks, Z.” She raised an eyebrow.  “Thought you didn’t approve of ‘that alien-made shit’ I believe you called it the first time I brought a bottle home.”

He shrugged.  “You don’t want to drink the booze of your people, that’s on you.”

“Ok first of all, the booze of my people is beer, and second of all, most Earth-made booze, especially beer, doesn’t do anything for a biotic.”  She set the bottle on the table and gave him an appraising look.  “But you don’t want to talk about beer.”

“No.”

“You want to know why I never told you about me and Hackett.”

“Yes.”

She snatched the bottle of Jack Daniels that Zaeed had been working through, ignored the empty glass in front of her, and took a long pull before she answered.  “Like I said before, I never told anyone.”

He scoffed and took back the bottle, foregoing the glass as well.  “You can’t sit there and tell me Alenko and that lot don’t know.”

“Knowing and me telling them myself are two entirely different things.”

“How’d they know if you didn’t tell them?”

She shrugged.  “Because they’re all goddamn psychics?  Or because one found out, somehow, and told the rest.  How the fuck do I know?”

Zaeed shook his head and drained the rest of the bottle.  “So forget them for the moment.  Why the hell did you keep me in the dark?”

“I dunno.  It’s not the easiest subject to bring up, y’know?”  She sighed, looking mournfully at the empty Jack Daniels bottle.  “I need more booze.”  She wrapped a protective hand around the asari whiskey and added, “that’s not my birthday present.  I’ll save this for later.”

The conversation dropped while new drinks were ordered and consumed and they fell into their usual pattern of silence.

Bex knew damn well why she’d never told Zaeed about Hackett, because he’d always reacted… poorly to her dating habits.  She knew he’d had reason to worry about the mistake that had been Adrian, and maybe some of her post-Torfan one-night stands had been bad ideas, but Kaidan had been a goddamn saint and Zaeed had still been leery of him.  She didn’t really want to think what kind of threats he’d leveled against Hackett before she’d come home, before he’d even known they were together.  And what kind he might decide on now that he did know.  Because like it or not, he was just that protective, even when he didn’t need to be.

“I didn’t tell you because… well, because I didn’t know how I really felt about him back then,” she said, finally breaking the silence that had stretched on for far longer than usual.  “For all I knew, it was just gonna be another one-off, and I didn’t want anymore of your warnings about that.”

“Hmm.”

She snorted.  “That’s all you’ve got to say about that? Hmm?”

“I don’t know what kind of overbearing parent you’re making me out to be in your head,” he said after another prolonged silence, “but you’re an adult, Bex.  I know you can take care of yourself, always known it.  You can date whoever the hell you want, and I won’t say a goddamn word against them.”

She narrowed her eyes at him.  “That’s not been my experience, Z.  What about Kaidan?”

“You were sixteen, he was what, nineteen?  And I still didn’t know him.  Hell, for a long time, he was still just that kid you knew from Jump Zero.”

“After… Torfan?”

He shook his head.  “I was bloody worried about you, half-pint.  Whether you realized it or not, you were in a fucking tailspin.  It was inevitable, after all the shit Vido and Ian put you through, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t try to help.”

“If you say so.”  She’d have given anything to avoid talking about Vido for once.  Every fucking time they got together, one or the other of them brought him up.  He was like a fucking disease.  She changed the subject instead.   “And what about tonight?  The ‘silent threats’?  You can’t claim you don’t know Hackett.”

Zaeed scoffed.  “I bloody well can.  Just because you two were supposedly friends doesn’t mean I wasn’t suspicious of him being in your flat, especially since you weren’t there.”

“What happened to I’m an adult and I can take care of myself?” she asked, her tone teasing but her question serious.

“You are, and you can, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do anything to protect you.  Within reason,” he added when she glared at him.  

“Well, okay then.”  She drained her glass, refilled it, and drained it again.  “I’m sorry I never told you we were dating.”

“You said it was because, back then, you didn’t know how you felt about him.”  Zaeed sighed into his own glass, clearly reluctant to ask his next question.  “What about  now?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.  More than a one-night stand, that’s for goddamn sure.”

But later, as she lay curled up against Hackett, listening to him snoring softly, she knew that was a lie.  She knew exactly how she felt about him, she just didn’t know how the hell to tell him.  

She didn’t know if she was ready to say ‘I love you’ again.

 

 


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments & kudos! They're really keep me going :)

Bex paced her bedroom, deep in thought.  She was supposed to be getting ready for a night out with Hackett, dinner and dancing,  or was it one of those operas he kept assuring her she would love but she always ended up sleeping through? Either way, she was meant to be getting dolled up, a rare treat and another side of her few got to see.

But instead of picking out the perfect dress, she was agonizing over the realization she'd made the night before about their relationship.

She flopped back on her bed and growled in frustration. _You're being a bloody ridiculous twit. Just tell the man how you feel. What's the worst that could happen?_

Oh gods. She _knew_ what was the worst that could happen. He could reject her, laugh at her, break her heart.

She shook her head. No, this was Steven Hackett. He wasn't like most of the men she'd been with; he was mature and suave, knew what to say in damn near any situation. If he didn't feel the same way she did, he'd tell her but not in a way that would crush her.

But him not feeling the same way wasn't what she was actually worried about. The opposite, really.

She'd fallen for Kaidan so fast, they'd fallen for each other so fast, and then he'd started talking marriage and kids, when they were barely more than kids themselves. And even when she'd expressed her concerns about all that, he'd persisted. And it, among other things, had ended them. Even without Vido fucking with her head, they’d never fully recovered from the failed proposal.

She couldn't go through that again.

But there again was another difference between Kaidan and Hackett. One wanted to have it all, a career and family, where the other had been notoriously married to his career for years.

So what the bloody hell was he doing with someone like her?

No, better not pull at that thread or you'll never get dressed.

She finally forced herself up off the bed to rummage through her closet once more. She'd think on her crisis of the heart later. After she'd spent an entire evening telling herself not to think about it.

Fuck.

A sharp knock on her bedroom door made her jump. She glanced at the clock on her desk and realized she’d been agonizing for far longer than she’d meant to.

Bugger.

“Rebekah?  Are you all right?” Hackett called through the still-closed door.  “You never came to the front door and didn’t answer my messages, so I let myself in.”

“Fine, I’m fine,” she replied as she crossed the room to open the door.  Her eyes went wide as he stepped into the room.  “Wow. I don’t know whether I like you better like this, in a tux, or in dress blues, but… wow.”

He raised an eyebrow.  “I’d say the same about you, but for a whole different reason.”  One hand drifted down her side to tug on the hem of the dress shirt she wore, stolen from him at some point.  “I know the open house announcement said ‘come as you are,’ but this might be pushing it a bit.”

She blushed faintly.  “I… lost track of time.  Just out of curiosity, how long were you standing outside my front door before you came in?”

“About ten minutes.”

“Bugger.” She really needed a wider vocabulary.

“Indeed.”  A smile played at his lips.  “Is there a particular reason you lost track of time?”

“I was thinking about you.  Us.”

“Oh?  Good or bad?”

“Good.  I think.”

“Explain.”

She shook her head.  “Not now, at least not if you actually want to go on this particular date.”

“Hmm.”

“No, no _hmm_ -ing, Steven.”  She tossed the over-large shirt on the floor, holding back a giggle as Hackett warred between enjoying the brief moments she’d remain naked and rescuing his shirt from the floor.  Lust won out and he leaned against the wall to watch her get dressed.

To antagonize him further, she made a show of pulling on thigh highs and a garter belt, and nothing else, before she slipped her chosen dress on as slowly as possible. If she had to suffer her own thoughts as well as a goddamn opera, he'd suffer as well, though his thoughts would be much more pleasant than hers, if no less tortuous.

She smiled as she felt him press up against her back while she decided which pairs of earrings she should wear.

“Why must you torture me?” he murmured, brushing a kiss against the shell of her ear.  “What did I ever do to deserve such punishment?”

“I’d say it started when you said ‘happy birthday, sweetheart, let’s go to an opera,’” she teased, flashing him a grin in the mirror as she fumbled with her necklace.

“Mhm, I thought it might have been that.” He gently extracted the troublesome necklace from her fingers, laid it on the dresser and placed a black velvet box in front of her.  “Here, try this one.”

Her mouth fell open in surprise as she opened the box and saw a double strand of black pearls nestled inside.  “Oh, Steven.  It’s beautiful.”  

“ _You_ are beautiful,” he said as he hooked the clasp and smoothed his hands across her shoulders.  “Happy birthday, Rebekah.”

She was more than a little annoyed to feel tears prickling at the corners of her eyes when she turned to face him.  “Thank you,” she whispered, hiding her face against his tuxedo jacket.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He lightly nudged her chin with a finger when she refused to look at him.  “I thought you were happy.”

“I am.” She raised her head slightly but kept her gaze fixed on his lapels.  “I’m fine.”

“Then why the tears?”

Her head dropped forward against his chest and she sighed deeply.  “I don’t really know.  It’s all just… so bloody perfect.”

She knew he was utterly confused by her words, but he said nothing, only took a few steps back, bringing her with him, until they sat on the edge of the bed.

“Are you sure you want to talk now?” she asked, finally daring to look him in the eye.  “We’ll miss the opera, I guarantee it.”

“Damn the opera.”

She huffed a laugh.  “You don’t mean that.”

“I do, actually.”  He smoothed her hair back from her face, his eyes holding something of a serious glint as he looked at her.  “I enjoy the opera, but not nearly as much as I enjoy just being with you, no matter where we happen to be.”

“Smooth-talking bastard.”

“I’m positive you’re the only one who thinks so, sweetheart,” he said with a laugh as he pressed a kiss against her forehead.  “Now, will you tell me what’s got you so out of sorts tonight?”

She shrugged.  “‘S nothing,” she said, her tone wholly unconvincing even to herself.  “Just my own stupid hang ups about relationships.”

“Doesn’t sound like nothing to me,” he said gently.  “Hang ups about what exactly?”

She swallowed around a lump in her throat. “Zaeed asked me last night why I’d never told him about us, and I said it was because I didn’t know, back then, how I felt about you, and where we were going, if we were going.”

“And now?”

“An hour ago, I was fucking terrified to admit it, but –”  Her voice was barely more than a whisper as she forced herself to look at him, to watch his reaction. “I love you, Steven.”

He looked mildly surprised. “I love you, too,” he said, cupping her face in both hands as he leaned in to brush a kiss across her lips.  “But why are you terrified?”

She swiped impatiently at her eyes as fresh tears threatened to fall.  “I shouldn’t be, I know.  But I just kept thinking about my relationship with Kaidan, and why it failed.  And I’m so scared we’ll go down that same road.  I can’t do that again, y’know?”

“I know, sweetheart. And I promise, we won’t.  I’m happy with the way things between us are now, and if that changes, for either of us, we'll talk about it.”

She smiled.  “The way it should be.”  She glanced over his shoulder at her clock.  “I think we’ve still got time to make it to the opera, if you want to go.”

He raised an eyebrow.  “Do you?”

“Oh most definitely.”  Her smile turned to a wicked grin as she stood up and danced to the very edge of his reach.  “I still want to see how long I can tease you before your control snaps and you decide damn the consequences, you must fuck me right then and there.”

He grabbed her hand and pulled her back so she stood between his legs.  “I don’t think we’re going to make it that far, my love,” he murmured as his hands snaked up under her dress.

Her heart skipped a beat at his words and she smiled again as she leaned down to kiss him.  “Well then.  Happy birthday to me!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bex's necklace: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182920209659/


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments, kudos, etc. they really keep me going :)

“I want you, Shepard.”

“Eh?” Bex's head snapped up and she raised an eyebrow at the man who'd spoken. “Mind repeating that, sir?”

“I want you,” Captain Anderson said again, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes, “as my XO on the Normandy.”

“Oh, thank the gods.” Bex and Hackett had been sending increasingly explicit messages back and forth during their respective meetings, and she hadn't heard a bloody word Anderson had said up to that point.  “I was thinking of something completely different.”

“I don’t doubt it.”  Anderson chuckled.  “If you’d been paying attention to me instead of flirting with your admiral, you might have remembered why I asked for this meeting.”

Bex paled considerably but attempted to keep her composure.  “I’m sorry?  I have no idea what you’re talking about, sir.”

“Relax, Shepard.  Your secret, such as it is, is safe with me.”

“Such as it is?”

Anderson shook his head.  “If you two were really serious about keeping your relationship under wraps, you’d stop flirting so much out in the open.”

“Is it really _that_ obvious?”

“Not especially, no, unless someone’s looking for it.”  The captain’s expression turned serious.  “And your enemies among the ranks will look for things like that to take you down.”

“They’ve already tried,” Bex scoffed.  “Didn’t work.”

“That doesn’t mean they won’t try again.  And I don’t just mean within Alliance brass.”

“Would you care to be more specific, sir?”

“Not especially, not yet anyway.  Just be careful, all right?”

Still confused, she nodded but didn’t pursue the matter further.  “Noted, sir.”

“Good.  Now, shall we get back to fleshing out the rest of the Normandy’s crew?”

She nodded again and glanced at the names on the data pad he handed her, one name standing out in particular.  “Kaidan Alenko?”

“I've heard the two of you work well together.”

“We do, or we did.”  Bex sighed deeply.  “It’s been years since we've been in the field together.”

Hell, somehow it’d been years since they’d even seen each other.  The last time had been lunch a couple of days after her first date with Hackett.  Since then, their respective assignments had had them on leave at different times, and they hadn’t even kept up much via e-mail beyond the yearly birthday and Christmas wishes.

She was sad to think how much their friendship had suffered over the years after they’d been so close for so long.  And she doubted being assigned to the same ship was going to help in that regard.

“Shepard?  You all right?” Anderson asked, breaking into her thoughts.  “You’ve been glaring at that data pad for the last five minutes.  Something I said?”

She shook her head slightly. “I’m fine.”  

The words were barely out of her mouth when her omni-tool pinged with an incoming vid-chat hail.  Her heart leaped into her throat when she saw the ident: Jamie Ingram.

Jamie _never_ called, only e-mail and text chats, occasionally vids or pictures of her grandkids or Chip.  If she was calling it had to be bad news.

Bex glanced at Anderson and gestured to her omni-tool.  “Sorry, sir.  It’s important. And no, it’s not _my admiral_ ,” she added, barely resisting the urge to roll her eyes when the captain gave her a questioning look.  “I won’t be long. I hope.”

Bracing herself for the worst, she stepped out into the hall and hit the button to answer the hail.  The look on Jamie’s face said it all.

“It’s Chip, isn’t it?”

Jamie nodded.  “Sorry, sweetie.  He’s been slowing down lately, more than usual, and he’s stopped eating in the last couple of days, snapping at the cats when they get too close, and just in general, not being himself.”

_Fuck._

“How long?” Bex asked, not ready for the answer, no matter how big a timeframe Jamie gave.

“Hard to tell, honestly. Could be days, could just be he doesn’t feel quite himself and he’ll bounce back in a few days.”  Jamie sighed.  “Either way, it’d do him a world of good if you could manage to come visit.”

“I’ll see what I can do.  I just got assigned to a new ship, but I don’t think we’re leaving for a few days yet.”

“Okay.  Let me know what you decide.  And I’m sorry.”

Bex nodded absentmindedly, muttering a vague “good-bye” before she shut off her omni-tool.  Momentarily forgetting where she was, that she wasn’t in the privacy of her own quarters, she sank down to sit on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest.  

She suddenly felt twelve years old again, coming home after running away from Jump Zero, wondering as she wandered in if Zaeed had kept his promise to keep Chip safe.  Knowing Chip would always be there when she came home was what had kept her going in some of her toughest and darkest moments as a Marine.  She didn’t know what the fuck she’d do if he wasn’t there.  

“Yes, sir, I’m still fine,” she snapped, more vicious than she’d really intended, when she felt Anderson’s looming presence above her.  “But I’m heading back to Earth until my leave is over.”

“Oh?”

She nodded slightly and avoided his piercing gaze, no less intimidating than Hackett’s was, as she pushed herself up from the floor.  “If you don't need me ‘til then?  It’s sort of a family emergency.”

“Take your time.  As far as I’m concerned, you’re free until the requisite tour of the ship with Admiral Hackett and Ambassador Udina.”

“Oh joy.  Something to _really_ look forward to.”

Anderson chuckled.  “Indeed.”  He sobered for a moment.  “Good luck and see you in a few days.”

Bex smiled as she gave him a salute.  “Thank you, sir.”

He returned the salute and started back to the conference room, turning again as the door slid open.  “Oh and Shepard?  Try not to be late.”

“Of course, sir.  Wouldn’t want to keep the Ambassador waiting.”

* * *

_Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit._

Bex raced along corridors, shoving past groups of people as she tucked in her shirt and tried to tame her hair, just praying she wouldn’t trip over her unlaced boots.  She’d returned from Newcastle at the asscrack of dawn and then failed to set an alarm before she’d passed out on the couch.  And now she was late for a meeting with the most anal retentive bastard in the galaxy.

_Fuck._

She’d met humanity’s ambassador to the Citadel Council only once before, after Torfan.  He’d sat in on the hearing, and hadn’t been at all pleased with the outcome, but he’d been outshouted by the admiralty and had finally backed down.

Bex didn’t expect this particular meeting to go any more smoothly.  Particularly because she was now a full twenty minutes late.

_Bugger._

She arrived at the docks, still looking like she’d dressed on the run, to find Hackett standing off to the side, watching Udina and Anderson arguing.  As she got closer, she realized they were talking about _her_.

“This was a mistake,” Udina said.  “I knew Shepard was too unreliable, and unstable, for a position like this.”

“She’ll be here,” Anderson replied, though he sounded less than certain.  “She had a family emergency, had to fly back to Earth for a couple of days.”

Udina snorted derisively.  “Family?  What family? Or do you mean that overrated so-called bounty hunter she claims as her next of kin?”

Her emotions already shot to hell from her visit home, Bex barely restrained herself from attacking the ambassador as she charged into the middle of the group.

“‘Over-rated so-called bounty hunter’?” she snarled.  “I bloody dare you to say that to his face.”  She took a step back and shrugged.  “Wasn’t him I had to see anyway.”

“Where the _hell_ have you been, Shepard?” Udina asked, apparently ignoring her outburst.  “You were supposed to be here damn near half an hour ago.  And why do you look like you just crawled out of bed?”  He shook his head.  “How the hell you ever made Commander is beyond me.”

Bex dug her nails into her palms as she felt both her temper and biotics threatening to flare.  Though the little voice in the back of her head was once again advising her against it, she ignored it, just as she had with Vido.

But before she’d actually said another word, she felt a firm hand squeezing her shoulder.  “Shepard is not your concern, Ambassador,” Hackett said, a warning note in his voice.  “Let’s get to the business at hand, shall we?”

“And that is what, sir?” she asked, glancing back at him.  “I was under the impression that this was just a tour of the new ship, but if that was the case,” she swept a hand in Udina’s general direction, “he wouldn’t be here.”

“Watch your tone, Shepard,” Udina said.  “I’m here to make sure you don’t start a war with the turians.”

“Excuse me?”

“The Council is placing a turian Spectre on board for the shakedown cruise,” Anderson said, interrupting Udina’s next comment.  “That’s the real reason you’re here early, to meet him before –”

“This is an Alliance ship.  Why the f–” She paused a moment in an attempt to collect herself before she got herself in real trouble.  “Why are we allowing aliens on board _our_ ship, sir?”

“Like it or not, the Normandy was a turian/human collaboration,” Hackett said.  “The Council just wants to see this shakedown done right.”

“Bloody lizardy bastards,” she muttered so only he could hear.  Aloud, she asked, “After this first cruise, will they be leaving us alone, or is this gonna be a routine thing, adding aliens to Alliance warships?”

“Anderson, are you sure you want Shepard as your Executive Officer?” Udina asked, ignoring her question.  “By all accounts, she’s a loose cannon at the best of times, and she has a clear prejudice against one of our allied races.”

“This isn’t my first rodeo, Ambassador,” Anderson replied curtly.  “Shepard’s been my XO for my last three tours, and a damn good one.  The decision was mine to make, Udina, and I stand by that decision.”

“Gentlemen, Commander,” Hackett said, interrupting the argument and gesturing toward the end of the docking bay.  “I believe our turian guest has arrived.”

“‘Bout bloody time,” Bex muttered.  “Let’s just get this fucking over with.”

“Deep breath, Rebekah,” Hackett murmured in her ear as the alien approached. “You'll be fine. He's not Vyrnuus, nothing like him.”

Bex grunted a response, not all that confident in his assessment. After all, he'd never _met_ Vyrnuus; how could he know this new one was nothing like him?

And then the mystery turian was standing in front of her.

Udina came up to stand beside her as introductions were made. “Shepard, this is Nihlus Kryik, Council Spectre and your shadow for the next few weeks.”

Bex blinked.

Shadow? No one had mentioned a goddamn shadow.

She started to turn and ask Udina what the hell he was playing at, but a nudge in the back from Hackett propelled her forward so she stood nose to armored abdomen with the turian.  

“You always wear armor to a meeting between allies?” she asked as she took a step back, rubbing the tip of her nose.

“You don't?” he replied with what was unmistakably the turian version of a smirk.

“They’re called _allies_ for a reason, genius.”

“Shepard,” Udina growled.  “I’m warning you.  One more snide comment from you and I will –”

“You will do absolutely nothing.” The edge was back in Hackett's voice. “I won’t tell you again, Donnel.  Commander Shepard is not your concern.”

“She is when she's threatening human-turian relations.”

“No one has made any threats except you, Ambassador,” Nihlus said pointedly.

Anderson cleared his throat, breaking the deafening silence that had followed Nihlus’ statement.

“Perhaps now would be a good time to get on with the tour of the ship?” the captain said.  “I’m sure we all have things we need to be getting on with, other meetings to get to.”

“Indeed,” Udina muttered.  “Very well.  Let’s get going then.”

Hackett pulled Bex aside as the rest made their way into the decontamination chamber.

“Are you all right?” he asked quietly, his hand once again resting on her shoulder.  

She nodded even as she felt the emotions of the last few days threatening to consume her.  “I’m fine.  It’s just… been a long week.  Y’know?”

“I do.”

She forced a smirk as she leaned in close and stood on tiptoe so she could murmur in his ear.  “But it’s nothing that can’t be fixed with a couple of bottles of whiskey and a good hard fuck.”  Her head fell against his shoulder and she added, “And… maybe a shoulder to cry on.”

“Not necessarily in that order?” he said, sweeping his hand up to rest on her cheek.

She heaved a sigh.  “Definitely not in that order.”

He pressed a kiss against her forehead and gently pushed her back so they stood a few inches apart.  “We should get going before someone comes looking for us.”

“Knowing my luck this week, that someone will be Udina.”

“Surprised you haven’t said anything about Nihlus,” he said as they walked up the ramp toward the ship.

“Udina’s infinitely worse than Nihlus, almost worse than Vyrnuus, really.  And you were right,” she added grudgingly.  “Nihlus is nothing like Vyrnuus.”

Hackett chuckled but said nothing.

Bex rolled her eyes.  “You’re gonna say ‘I told you so’ now, aren’t you?”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, my love.”  He smirked and nudged her ahead of him as they entered the decontamination chamber.  “All right, maybe later.”


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long-ish wait...
> 
> Thanks for the kudos, lovely comments, etc. Hope y'all enjoy :)

Bex sat curled up in her well-worn recliner, listening to Christmas music and watching Hackett string up fairy lights around her quarters.  She didn’t see the bloody point, since the Normandy was leaving two days before Christmas.  She wouldn’t be around to enjoy the damn decorations.  But he’d insisted.

“Steven, can I ask you a question?” she said, appreciating her current view as he bent down to get another string.

“Of course, my love.  Anything.”

“Whose bloody asinine idea was it to have the Normandy’s shakedown at Christmas?”

He chuckled as he stood back up and resumed decorating.  “Not mine.”

“Mhm.”

He turned to face her, one hand over his heart and a pained expression on his face.  “You wound me, Rebekah.”

“I’d like to fucking wound the jackasses responsible for this,” she muttered into a mug of spiked hot chocolate.  “I had high hopes for this Christmas.”

“Oh?  What did you have in mind?”

She shrugged.  “I dunno.  But I can tell you none of my hypothetical plans included being shadowed by a goddamn turian Spectre.”

“I thought you liked Nihlus now.”

“‘Like’ is too strong a word for it; tolerant, maybe.  And that’s not the bloody point.  It’s not the  _ who _ that’s doing it, it’s that it’s being done at all.  I’d be bitching about it just as much if Kaidan or Morgan or Tamara was shadowing me.”

“Hm.” 

“ _ Hm _ ? That all you have to say, Steven?” Bex set her mug down and crossed her arms as she mockingly glared at him.  “Okay, forget about me for a second.  Are you really gonna stand there and tell me you wouldn’t be the least bit annoyed to have a shadow?  That them being there all the bloody time wouldn’t hinder your work at all?”

He set down the string of lights he was attempting to untangle and crossed the room to crouch in front of her.  “I think it would depend who the shadow was.  If it was you,” he said with a chuckle, reaching up to unfold her arms and pull her to the edge of the chair, “then yes, I guarantee having a shadow would greatly hinder my work.”

“Oh? And what makes you so goddamn sure of that?” she asked breathlessly as he pulled her to her feet as he stood up again.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her in close as they danced in a small circle.  “Because, and I say this with all the love in my heart,” he murmured as he brushed a kiss against her lips, “you  _ aren’t _ my shadow and I still never get anything done except those rare moments when you’re asleep, and even then it’s sometimes a challenge.”

She pouted up at him.  “And whose fault is that?”

“Oh, mine entirely.  I could work around your distraction tactics the same as I work around any others.”  He spun them around and lifted her up to sit on the back of the couch before he kissed her deeply.  “But I enjoy yours infinitely more, and I don’t regret a single second of lost productivity.”

She grinned and wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him closer.  “That’s good, because I have  _ no _ plans to stop.  Ever.”

* * *

 

> _ From: Rebekah _
> 
> _ To: Steven _
> 
> _ Subj: Nihlus _
> 
> _ You or Anderson or Ambassador Twatwaffle couldn’t have told me Nihlus had recommended me to be a goddamn SPECTRE??? And that’s  _ _ why _ _ he’s been following me around like a giant glaring puppy dog???   _
> 
> _ Yes, I know there was probably a perfectly good reason you couldn’t tell me, but it still would have been nice to know beforehand that there was a reason he was following  _ _ me _ _ , you know? _
> 
> _ Anyway, we’re approaching EP, so I gotta go.   _
> 
> _ Love you, _
> 
> _ Rebekah _

* * *

The two easiest ways to be put at the very top of Bex’s Shit List were to betray her or someone she cared about, or to disregard innocent civilians in a firefight.  Saren Arterius had managed to do  _ both _ in the course of a single day.

It was always the goddamn turians.

Their supposedly easy task of picking up a Prothean beacon that had been found on Eden Prime had quickly turned into a nightmare.  They’d received a transmission when the Normandy was minutes out that had showed the once-tranquil colony under attack by an unknown enemy.

By the end of the day, Bex had lost two members of her team, the beacon had been destroyed, and she’d been knocked unconscious.  Again.

“That bastard is going to fucking  _ die _ !” she growled as she woke to find herself in the Normandy’s med-bay, ignoring the migraine that was currently crushing her skull.  

“Doc, I think she's coming around.”

Bex thought Kaidan's voice sounded very far away as she struggled to open her eyes, her head feeling like it was about to split in half.  The last thing she remembered was pushing him out of the way of a sort of tractor beam that was emanating from the Prothean beacon they were supposed to be picking up on Eden Prime.

No, that wasn't right.  The last thing she  _ actually _ remembered was screams, fire, death, what seemed to be some sort of warning from what she could only assume were the Protheans.  She couldn't understand it all, and at the moment, she didn't want to.  Right now, all she wanted was for someone to turn off the goddamn lights.

“How do you feel, Shepard?” asked the rich, warm voice of Dr. Chakwas, the Normandy's Chief Medical Officer.  “I won't lie, you gave us quite a scare there at first.”

“Haven't you heard, Doc?” Bex quipped, wobbling dangerously for a moment as she slowly sat up.  “Scaring the hell out of people is my specialty.”

“Indeed.”

“It's true,” Kaidan said from the bed next to hers.  “She's been doing it for as long as I've known her.”

She gave him a one-finger salute and turned her attention back to Chakwas.  “My head is killing me and I’m a bit dizzy.  I've felt worse, but not by much,” she answered truthfully.  The only time she could actually remember feeling worse, she'd been in a whole different kind of nightmare.

“Well, as I said, you gave us a scare,” Chakwas said as she did a scan of Bex’s entire body.  “We didn’t know what we were dealing with at first, but you seem to be fine, physically, injuries sustained in battle notwithstanding.”

“How long was I out?”

“About fifteen hours.”

_ Shit. _

Bex turned to Kaidan.  “What happened?  I remember the beacon and… then nothing.”  She didn’t think it wise to mention the… vision.  Yet.

Kaidan’s shoulders slumped and he hung his head, staring at his boots instead of at her.  “It’s my fault.  I got too close to the beacon and an energy beam dragged me in, you pushed me out of the way, and then you got caught up in it too.  The system overloaded or something after about a minute, the beacon exploded and knocked you out cold.”

Bex scoffed.  “I’ve been knocked out by less; tripped over my own two feet once and got knocked out.”

He gave her a weak smile.  “I remember, I was there.  Anyway, Williams called for the Normandy to pick us up and I carried you back here.”

“Thanks.”  She reached over and brushed her fingers along his arm for a brief moment.  “You all right?”

He nodded, his gaze seeming to linger on the spot her fingers had touched.  “Fine.  Pissed about the way this whole thing went down, but yeah, I’m all right.”

“You and me both.”  She chewed her lip in thought and then asked, “What about Jenkins, and Nihlus?”

“Both on board,” Kaidan said.  “No idea what’ll happen to the Spectre, if he’s got family or anything, but Anderson’s been trying to find out if Jenkins’ family survived the attack.  If so, he’ll likely be sent back to Eden Prime.”

“It’s not bloody fair,” Bex growled.  “The kid had so much goddamn potential.  He was  _ going _ places.”

“No, Shepard, it’s not fair, but that’s the cost of war.” Anderson looked both concerned and pissed off as he strode into the med-bay.  “If you’re finished your examination, I’d like a word with Shepard.  Alone,” he added, his gaze sweeping from Chakwas to Kaidan.

They both nodded before moving to doors at opposite ends of the room, Chakwas to her office and Kaidan to the hallway outside the med-bay.

Anderson’s expression softened slightly as the doors closed and he and Bex were alone.  “You all right?” he asked, leaning against the cot Kaidan had vacated.

She shook her head slightly, wincing at the jolt of pain the small movement caused.  “Another day, another botched mission.  Seems to be my specialty.”

“This wasn’t your fault,” the captain said.  “And neither was Torfan.”

She shrugged.  “Maybe not, but it won’t stop people from blaming me anyway.”

“Anyone who tries to blame you for what happened today is an idiot,” he said emphatically.  “You and Alenko and Williams, you three  _ saved _ that colony from further destruction.”

“I know that, sir.  But I guarantee  _ someone _ will at least blame me for Nihlus’ death.”

“That wasn’t your fault either.”

“Trying telling that to the Council.  Or Udina.”

“I intend to.”

“Thank you, sir.”  Bex heaved a sigh.  “They won’t listen, y’know, about any of it.”

“No, probably not, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try,” Anderson said with a sigh of his own as he straightened up and walked toward the door.  “Speaking of, we’re about an hour out from the Citadel.  Go get yourself sorted and gather your team.  I’m going to see if Udina can get us an audience with the Council.”

“Joy of joys.”

Anderson turned back as he reached the door.  “Oh and Shepard?  You might consider a quick note to  _ your admiral _ ,” he said with a wink.  “I told him you were probably just fine, that you’d just been knocked out, but he wants proof of life.”

Bex rolled her eyes.  “Of course he does,” she muttered as she gingerly pushed herself up and off of the cot.  “I swear, he’s worse than Zaeed sometimes.”

* * *

> _ From: Steven _
> 
> _ To: Rebekah _
> 
> _ Subj: re: Here’s Your Goddamn Proof of Life _
> 
> _ If I’d known you were going to be so dramatic about a simple ‘I’m okay’ message, I’d have just asked Karin Chakwas and dealt with her disapproving glare later.   _
> 
> _ Knowing Udina as I do, and as you do, you’ll likely have a fight on your hands, but try to control your temper, all right?  I’m on my way to the Citadel myself, but if you need a place to cool down before I get there, I’m attaching the coordinates and code for my apartment. _
> 
> _ I love you. _
> 
> _ -Steven _
> 
>  


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos, etc. They really keep me going.
> 
> And apologies for the long wait. Hope y'all enjoy! :)

The moment he stepped into his apartment on the Citadel, Hackett knew Rebekah had taken him up on his offer of refuge.  The Dropkick Murphys, her preferred workout soundtrack, blasted over the speakers throughout the apartment, and just above that, he could hear the dull thud of her fists hitting the punching bag in his mini home gym.

He turned down the music ever so slightly and then stood in the doorway of the gym, watching her for a few minutes, until he noticed the tape on her hands was turning red.  He wasn't surprised.  Anderson had sent him a message, warning him that she'd likely either get drunk or do something dangerous, blowing off steam after the meeting with the Council had gone south.  

"Rebekah, stop," he called out to her, his tone just sharp enough to make her notice.  "Udina's not worth permanently damaging your hands."

A look of fury crossed her face as she threw one last punch and turned to face him.

"How long have you been in here?" he asked, taking one of her hands in both of his to carefully begin unwrapping the tape.

"No bloody clue."  She winced slightly and tried to pull her hand away but he resisted and continued working.  "Went through the Murphys' whole collection twice though."

"Anderson told me about the meeting and that Udina had put you in charge of finding evidence against Saren."

"He had no goddamn right to cut Anderson out like that," she snarled, pulling away again and unwrapping both hands in record time.  "Stupid, bloody -"

Hackett clenched his jaw a moment, loathing himself for what he was about to say.  "He did the right thing.  Glare at me all you want, Rebekah, but it doesn't change the fact that Anderson and Saren have a history, one that the Council could use against you."

She grumbled something that sounded vaguely like begrudging agreement before she pushed past him and stormed out of the room.

"Any leads on finding evidence the Council won't just dismiss outright?" he asked as he followed her across the apartment to the bathroom.  He nearly ran into her when she stopped short in the doorway.

"You have a tub!" she all but squealed, her frustration and anger apparently forgotten, for the moment at least.

Over their years together, they'd developed a routine for when she came home from a deployment.  It always included pizza and beer, and a long soak in a bubble bath.  The fact that she was this enthusiastic about the prospect of a bubble bath after only being away for less than 72 hours told Hackett exactly how draining Eden Prime and its aftermath had been.

He could feel her eyes on him, watching his every move as she sat on the side of the tub and he crouched in front of her with a first aid kit, cleaning and medicating the cuts on her hands.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly after a few moments.  "I shouldn't have been so goddamn snippy with you last night, when all you wanted to know was know if I was still alive."

"You were upset, angry, hurting; you'd been betrayed and lost members of your crew.  You had every right to be snippy."

She shook her head.  "Still wasn't right.  I mean, I probably wouldn't have been smiling in any picture or vid I took in that moment, but still..."

He chuckled.  "I admit, it was the first time I'd been flipped off with a kiss before."

"That... that was Joker's idea."  She huffed out a laugh.  "Don't know if he would have suggested it if he'd known exactly  _ who _ I was sending it to."

"No, he likely would have.  Lt. Moreau is not my biggest fan," Hackett said as he finished applying medi-gel to her hands.  "And I'm not his, especially after his foolish 'job interview' to get the helmsman's position."

Rebekah nodded, flexing her hands against the stiffness of the medi-gel as they both stood up.  "Anyone else would have ended up in the brig for a stunt like that.  But then, anyone else probably would have crashed the ship."

"True."

"He's a cocky little shit," she heaved a sigh that made it sound like she'd just abandoned all of her principles, "but he is a damn good pilot."

"Indeed."

She frowned.  "Wait.  Why the hell are we talking about Joker again?"

"He was the apparent brainchild behind your colorful message last night."

"Oh. Right.  Anyway, like I said, I shouldn't have sent it."

He smirked.  "You know, I think I may just print it and have it framed so it can sit on my desk."

"Steven!"

“I’m kidding.  I’d never do that to you.”  He couldn’t help but laugh at the indignant look on her face.  “Don’t be surprised if you find it on my bedside table though.  It  _ is _ an adorable picture, even if it was taken in anger.”

She rolled her eyes and began peeling her clothes off while he drew a bath.  Her bottom lip jutted out in a pout when she was finished and realized he was still fully clothed.  “You aren’t going to join me?”

“Not tonight, my love.”  He smiled apologetically.  “The Ambassador has called a late meeting that I can’t miss, though I would love nothing more than to tell him to shove his meeting up his ass.”

Rebekah grinned up at him as she carefully stepped into the tub.  “I’ll do it!”  

“You will do nothing of the kind,” Hackett said firmly, though there was no real bite to his words.  “You will run your investigation and stay out of trouble if at all possible.”

“It’s like you don’t even  _ know _ me,” she said with another exaggerated pout as she slid into the water.  “Fine.  I’ll be on my best behavior, when the situation calls for it.  But Saren’s not gonna be fucking _ nice _ , y’know.”

“I know.”  Hackett sat on the edge of the tub.  “How do you plan to find evidence against him?”

“Not sure yet.  I've got a meeting with Barla Von in the morning, but tonight, I've told my team to relax and get some proper sleep.”

“That applies to yourself as well.”

“I know.”

“Good.”  He leaned down and brushed a kiss across her forehead.  “I’ll be back late.  Try to stay out of trouble ‘til then.”

When he made to stand up again, she dragged him back down into a heated kiss, nearly pulling him into the tub with her.  “I make no promises, but for you, I’ll try.”

He chuckled as he finally pulled away and stood up to leave.  “That’s all I ask.”

* * *

> _ From: Rebekah _
> 
> _ To: Steven _
> 
> _ Subj: I Tried! _
> 
> _ Sorry in advance.   _
> 
> _ Barla Von contacted me not long after you left, said he needed to move our meeting to tonight.  Considering who he works for, I’m not really hopeful I can stay out of trouble. _
> 
> _ I love you! _
> 
> _ -Rebekah _

* * *

When Hackett finally dragged himself home nearly three hours later, Rebekah was exactly where he’d left her, in the bathtub.  But instead of naked and relaxing in a bubble bath, she was half-dressed and bandaging fresh gunshot wounds.

She grinned when she finally noticed him standing in the doorway.  “You’re back!”

“What the hell happened?” he asked, rushing over to help when she slipped as she tried to stand up.  “I thought you said you were just going to talk to the volus.”

She didn’t offer up an explanation until they were settled in the living room with a late-night order of pizza and beer.  

“I did go talk to Barla Von. He pointed me in the direction of a bounty hunter who was in a bit of a jam with C-Sec.”

“Zaeed?”

She shook her head.  “No.  He’s off who knows where, chasing down a lead on Vido.  I think.”

“So who was it?  And how did that lead you to getting shot?”

“They’re only flesh wounds, barely grazed the skin,” she said dismissively around a mouthful of pizza.  “Turned out it was Urdnot Wrex.  I knew him back when we lived on Omega.  I used to go hang out with him occasionally to escape Vido when Zaeed was away.  Doubt either of them know that though...”

Hackett waited patiently for her to continue.  Bringing up her past, especially parts that involved Vido, always threw her off course for a bit and it didn’t do anyone any good to push her to continue her original line of thinking until she was ready.  

Three slices of pizza and two beers later, she stretched out on the couch with her legs across his lap and finally continued.  “I met up with Wrex at C-Sec, convinced him to stop antagonizing them, and he suggested we stop off at Chora’s Den for a drink while we played catch up with each other.”  She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.  “And that’s where it all went to shit.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less from a trip to that particular establishment.” 

_ Or from Urdnot Wrex.  _ He didn’t voice that particular thought; he knew the krogan bounty hunter by reputation and had never been a fan, but bringing that into this conversation would only lead to a bitter argument.

“We weren’t actually  _ at _ Chora’s Den,” Rebekah said, breaking into his thoughts.  “We never made it that fucking far.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Hackett pinched the bridge of his nose and heaved a sigh of his own.  “So, what actually happened?”

“Wrex said he had a stop to make before we could relax.  I agreed to go along because he said if it all worked out, it’d get me one step closer to finding evidence against Saren.”

“And did it?”

She shrugged.  “I don’t know yet. If not, I’m gonna kill him, and that bloody turian too.” 

Hackett raised an eyebrow.  “What turian?”

“C-Sec guy, Vakarian or something, who was supposedly  _ in charge _ of their investigation into Saren’s attack on Eden Prime.”  Every word dripped with her eternal hatred for turians.  “Didn’t find shit on his own, because hello, Spectre, and now he wants in on mine, to prove  _ not all turians _ are like Saren.”

Hackett said nothing, knowing she wouldn’t hear a word he said until she’d gotten it all out of her system.

She cracked open another beer and drained half of it in one go before the rant continued.  “I’d already met Vakarian once, just before the meeting with the Council when we first got here, but I’d dismissed that as a one-time thing and went on my merry way.  So I was pissed, but not surprised, when we ran into him at this little clinic not far from Chora’s Den.  His  _ official _ investigation had been stopped, but he was still going on his own, against the Executor’s orders.”

“That sounds familiar,” Hackett murmured.

Rebekah glared at him but continued as if she hadn’t actually heard him.  “I was under the impression that we were just going to talk to the clinic’s owner, a Dr. Michel, that she had some information.  But, as per usual, it wasn’t that goddamn simple.  

“When we showed up, she was being held hostage by a bunch of Saren’s goons, so I knew whatever she had to tell us was gold.  Vakarian was already there, taking his sweet time picking a target, but I wasn’t waiting around, so –”

“So you went in, guns blazing, like you always do,” Hackett interrupted.  “And got yourself shot.  Again.”

She shrugged again.  “Yeah, well, if we’d done it the turian’s way, I’d still be crouching outside that bloody clinic, waiting for someone to make a move.  And more than likely, the good doctor would have been the one who’d gotten shot, not me.”

“Speaking of which, if you were already  _ in _ a clinic, why didn’t you let Dr. Michel patch you up instead of coming back here to do it yourself?”

“We weren’t done yet and I didn’t have time to get patched up.  Besides, she wasn’t exactly in a great state of mind to be pulling bullets out of people.”

Hackett narrowed his eyes.  “You said they  _ barely grazed the skin _ .”

“Creative license.”

“Rebekah.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, wincing as a couple of the bandages pulled with the movement.  “Do you want me to continue or not?”

He sighed.  “Go on.”

“Anyway, her information came in the form of a quarian kid who’d come into the clinic after being shot by Saren’s men, probably the ones who attacked it tonight.  The doc had sent her on to Fist, the owner of Chora’s Den and supposedly a Shadow Broker agent.  But Wrex said Fist was on the Broker’s shit list now, that he was working for Saren instead.  So he and Vakarian went on to Chora’s Den to deal with Fist and hopefully find out where the quarian is.”

“If she’s even still alive.”

Rebekah nodded soberly.  “Yeah.  With my luck, she’s probably varren chow by now.”

“Why didn’t you go with them?”

“Because there was absolutely no time for me to go all the way back to the Normandy and get my gear, and I was not about to take on Fist’s security detail with just my biotics and no armor.”

Hackett reached over and pulled her gently across the couch and into his lap.  “That’s my girl.  I knew you weren’t  _ completely _ reckless.”

“Thanks.  I think.”  Her omni-tool beeped with an incoming message and she straightened up, instantly more alert than she’d been all evening.  Her eyes widened as she read the message; by the time she was done, she was smiling brightly.

“Good news?” Hackett asked as she pushed herself up and off of his lap.

“They’ve got the girl, and her information is damning.”  Her smile widened to a wicked grin.  “It’s gonna be so goddamn satisfying telling those stuck-up twits on the Council that they were  _ wrong _ .”


	44. Chapter 44

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos & comments! They really keep me going :)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!

The media presence after Torfan had been a goddamn nightmare, but it was nothing compared to the mob that awaited Bex when she exited Council Chambers with Anderson, Hackett, and Udina.  Hackett’s hand placed discreetly at the small of her back was all that helped her keep even a shred of composure throughout the mass interview. Eventually, he dismissed the lot, ignoring Udina’s protests, and helped her navigate through the crowd to the tranquility of the elevator.

“I need a drink, or a thousand.”  She leaned back against the wall and loosened the collar of her dress uniform, silently cursing whatever asshole had first come up with the design.  “Have I mentioned how much I hate the bloody media?”

Hackett chuckled.  “Not lately.”

“I spent the entire time thinking up creatively painful ways to murder the lot of them, Udina included.”

“I don’t doubt it.”

“Whose idea was it to have a human Spectre in the first place?”

Hackett crossed his arms and appeared to be in deep thought for a moment, though Bex knew he must know; there wasn’t a hell of a lot he  _ didn’t _ know.  “The idea has been floating around for a good twenty years or so, brought up by Udina’s predecessor.  David Anderson was the first candidate.  But after that didn’t work out, the idea was dropped until Udina started pushing for it again about a year ago.”

“Anderson was a Spectre candidate?” Bex wondered why he’d never mentioned it.  “What happened?”

Hackett shook his head.  “You’d have to ask him, Rebekah.  It’s not my story to tell.”

She sighed.  “So, why the hell would Nihlus put  _ my _ name forward?  There has to be plenty of other people more qualified, or a better face for the position.  I know Udina’s not the only one who thinks I’m a ‘loose cannon.’”

“Equally as qualified, perhaps, but not more so.”  Hackett frowned in thought.  “We’ll never know for certain what Nihlus’ thought process was, but I suspect he took notice after Torfan.  Spectres do what must be done to finish a mission, and that’s exactly what you did.”

“At the cost of more than half my team.”  Bex let her head fall back against the wall, the impacting  _ thud _ echoing slightly in her ears.  “Forget I asked.  What’s done is done and short of going off the bloody rails Saren style, I’m stuck with it.”

Hackett moved across the car to stand in front of her, a finger under her chin to coax her into looking at him as she glared at her boots.

“If you didn’t want to do it, why didn’t you say so?” 

“Wouldn’t have made a goddamn difference if I had,” she snapped, brushing aside his hand.  “I found out about it five minutes before we found out Eden Prime had gone tits up.  By the time that was over, I had other things to worry about than the Alliance brass and idiot politicians deciding on my future.”

“Rebekah, I –”

“Save it, Steven.”  Her voice was calmer than it had been a moment before, but a blazing fury still burned in her eyes as she finally looked up at him.  “You lot had  _ plenty _ of opportunities to tell me about this, but you didn’t even give me a single bloody chance to say anything at all, for or against it.”

The elevator ground to a halt as it finally reached the bottom of the Council tower.  The doors opened and Bex pushed past Hackett before he could respond further.  

“Commander Shepard!” Another knot of reporters ambushed her the moment she was clear of the elevator.  “How does it feel to be chosen as humanity’s first Spectre?”

_ Fucking Christ, why won’t they leave me alone? _

“The Commander has no further comment at this time,” Hackett said as he stepped up behind her and swept her along to a waiting skycar.

_ What the hell?  Where did that come from? _

She indulged his “get in the goddamn car now” look, if only because he was the lesser of two evils for the moment.  But she blatantly ignored him for the duration of the trip, instead staring out the window as they flew past luxury apartment buildings and expensive restaurants she wouldn’t even dream of eating in.  

Eventually, she realized they’d left the Presidium far behind and were in the wards.  She was surprised, though she probably shouldn’t have been, when the car touched down at the terminal near Flux.  She smiled in spite of her sour mood; she knew the Normandy crew, plus Wrex, had planned to meet for drinks after the Spectre ceremony.  At least one of them was bound to lift her spirits, even if it was just by buying her enough drinks to actually get her drunk.

“Rebekah, I’m sorry for not telling you that you were being considered for the Spectre position,” Hackett said, breaking into her thoughts.

She continued staring out of the window as if she hadn’t heard him. She knew his apology was genuine, but she wasn’t quite finished being angry.  

A moment later, the doors opened and she looked up to see Kaidan standing a few feet away, a puzzled expression on his face.

“You two having a lover’s quarrel?” he asked as he stepped up and held a hand out to help her out of the car.  

Bex glared at him. “Say that a bit louder, would you? I don't think everyone in the goddamn wards heard you!”

He grinned. “I see I touched a nerve.”

She said nothing else, only glared at him a moment more as she tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow.  As they walked away from the car, she shot Hackett a look that she hoped he would understand as “I’m still pissed but we’ll talk later.”

At the very least, she knew he wasn’t worried about her spending time with Kaidan.  They trusted each other implicitly, even when they were in the midst of an argument.  

As she walked up the staircase leading to Flux’s main entrance, she was surprised to see a sign that read  _ Closed for Private Function _ ; in smaller letter below that, it read  _ (Any reporter caught trying to sneak in will be banned permanently) _ .

Bex raised an eyebrow at Kaidan.  “You convinced Doran to close the whole club just for us?” 

“Not me, or any of the crew; we were all just going to brave the crowds.  This part was all thanks to  _ your Admiral _ .”  There was a hint of bitterness in his voice, particularly on the last two words.

“Smooth bastard.”  Bex sighed and her shoulders sagged a bit.  “Suppose I should go apologize.”

“Oh no.  You can apologize tomorrow, or later tonight, or… whatever.”  Kaidan opened the door to the club and gently shoved her through it.  “First, we drink.”

She nodded.  “A drink sounds good.  Especially after the day I’ve had.”

“Something more than the eyes of the galaxy being on your every move now?”

“Yeah, a bit.”

“Sit.” He all but pushed her down into the nearest empty seat and disappeared into the crowd surrounding the bar.  He reappeared mere moments later, his arms laden with beer.

"If you’re trying to get me to talk, beer isn’t gonna cut it,” she groused even as she grabbed the bottle he offered, “especially with this piss.”

"Fine, if you don’t want it…”  He made a move to take it back and chuckled when she hugged the bottle against her chest.  “That’s what I thought.  You  _ are _ still Canadian, after all.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and took a pull, grimacing at the bitter taste.  “Bloody hell, I think this might actually be piss.”

“And there’s the sassy Brit coming out.”  He grinned and took a seat across from her at the table. 

She ignored his teasing, nursing her beer as she looked around the room, amazed at how crowded it was even with the crew,  _ her _ crew, being Doran’s only customers tonight. 

If everything went according to Udina’s plan, which things usually did, the crew and the ship would be under Bex’s command by morning.  He’d effectively retired Anderson on the spot the moment the ceremony was over.  It was the same shit all over again, the same way he’d pushed Anderson out of the Eden Prime investigation.  There was history between Anderson and Saren, though she still didn’t know what it was; but this seemed something more, like Udina had something against Anderson as well.  Maybe she was just paranoid and Udina was just an ass.  

In any case, she knew without a doubt that she’d never forgive Udina for throwing Anderson aside for his own political gains.  If she had to be in this position, she’d make damn sure she made the bastard pay for every underhanded thing he did.

“Bex?  What the hell?” Kaidan’s voice and the combination of pain in her hand and the feeling of warm liquid dripping between her fingers brought Bex reeling out of her thoughts and back to the present.

A mixture of beer and blood dripped onto the table from her clenched fist; in her fury at Udina, she’d shattered her beer bottle, shards of which were embedded in her palm.

_ Just bloody wonderful.  Perfect way to end a goddamn perfect day. _

The overwhelming din of music, chatter, and laughter had covered the sound of the bottle breaking, as well as Bex’s subsequent string of swears, so only Kaidan knew what had happened.  He got up and disappeared into the crowds once more, coming back a second time with Dr. Chakwas in tow.

The older woman shook her head at Bex’s general appearance and coaxed her out of her seat without a single word.  Neither of them spoke until they had walked the short distance to Dr. Michel’s clinic.

Bex remained silent still, listening to the two doctors exchange pleasantries and idle chatter, until her name was mentioned.

“Now that you've met, I expect Shepard will be in here on a regular basis,” Dr. Chakwas said. “She is the most injury-prone marine I've ever known.”

“So I see,” Dr. Michel replied with a small smile. She turned her attention fully on Bex. “What happened?”

Bex shrugged. “Don't know my own strength, I guess. It's not like I'm in the habit of crushing beer bottles in my bare hands.”

“What happened here?” Dr. Chakwas asked, gently poking one of the newer gunshot wounds on Bex's arm.

“I'd think a doctor of your experience would recognize gunshot wounds when you see them, doc.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Those were sustained in coming to my aid, I'm afraid,” Dr. Michel interjected as she began pulling glass shards from Bex's hand. 

“Oh?”

Bex winced as one of the largest shards was removed. “Other night when I was looking for something solid to bring to the Council. Doc was in a spot of trouble with Saren’s goons and they turned on me after I shot the one holding her hostage.”

“Without armor?” Dr. Chakwas scolded.

“Armor takes time.”

“Armor saves lives,” the two doctors said in unison.

“Wait a minute.” Dr. Michel frowned.  “You didn’t go to the Normandy’s med-bay when you left here the other night?”

Bex shrugged again.  “I’ve been patching my own wounds since I was about as tall as this stool,” she said, rapping her knuckles against the stool she was perched on.  “‘S what happens when you grow up in a mercenary gang.”

“You did a good job,” Dr. Michel finally conceded as she wrapped a bandage around Bex’s left hand.  “Whoever taught you certainly knew what they were doing.”

“He was a great doctor,” Bex said with a sad smile.  She hadn’t thought about Noah in years, if only because happy memories usually led to thinking about the way he died, which usually led to anger and drinking.

“Well, you’re all done here.  Be careful with that hand for a couple of days, try to stay out of trouble,” Dr. Michel clapped a hand on Dr. Chakwas’ shoulder, “and try not to give this dear woman too much grief.”

Bex laughed.  “No promises.  I think she might be bored without me.”

“Indeed I would,” Dr. Chakwas said.  “But thank you for the thought, Chloe.”

“And thanks for patching up my poor clumsy ass,” Bex added over her shoulder as she and Dr. Chakwas walked away from the clinic.

“There was nothing clumsy about that,” Dr. Chakwas said as they climbed into a skycab at the transport hub.  “You need a better outlet to channel your emotions, Shepard.”

Bex sighed.  “I know that.  But this is what happened to my last outlet,” she said, indicating her bruised knuckles.  “I’ll be fine once we get into the thick of the fight and I can kick some geth ass.”

“Hmm.”

“So, where are we going, doc?” she asked when she belatedly remembered they wouldn’t need a skycab to reach either Flux or the Normandy.

“You are going to talk to Steven,” Dr. Chakwas said, sending an appraising look her way.  “Your relationship is none of my business, but your mental and physical health most certainly  _ is _ , and whatever is going on between you two at the moment isn’t at all healthy.”

“If you say so.”  She rolled her eyes.  “Is there  _ anyone _ who doesn’t know about our relationship?  Fuck.”

“I have known Steven Hackett for longer than I care to remember, lest I remember just how old I am, and I have  _ never _ seen him happier than he’s been these last few years.”  Dr. Chakwas shook her head with a small chuckle.  “Not to mention, neither of you are the most subtle people in the galaxy.  It would be hard  _ not _ to notice you’re the reason for his happiness, and vice versa.  As a result, it’s also not hard to notice when one or the other of you are unhappy.”

“Thanks, I guess.  I had thought about going to talk to him before, and then I got persuaded to drink first, and we saw how that played out.”

“You weren’t thinking about Steven when you crushed the bottle, were you?”

Bex shook her head.  “Of course not!  It was Udina, and the way he screwed over Captain Anderson.”

“Ah, quite understandable.  I think most of us have been feeling that way today.  Still, as I said, you need a better outlet.”

“Yeah.”

At last, the skycab touched down outside the Alliance officers’ housing section.  Bex found herself dragging her feet as they approached Hackett’s apartment.  Though he never said anything against it, she hated the way she always seemed to run away in the middle of an argument.  

“Good night, Shepard,” Dr. Chakwas said, a gentle hand on Bex’s shoulder as her other hand knocked sharply on Hackett’s door.  “See you in the morning.”

“Thanks, doc, for everything.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”  

And then she was gone, disappearing down the corridor just before the door opened and Bex turned her attention to the man in front of her.

Neither of them spoke until he’d stepped back to allow her into the apartment and the door had closed behind them.

“I’m sorry, for lashing out at you and then running off like a petulant child.”  She sighed deeply.  “I’m not… I wasn’t actually ever angry with you; you just happened to… y’know what? Never mind.  Just… I’m sorry.”

Hackett nodded and lifted her up to sit on a nearby table, resting his forehead against hers.  “I’m sorry, too.  Whether you actually were angry with me or not, you had every right to be.  One of us  _ should _ have told you that you were being considered for the Spectre position.  You should have had that choice, that chance to say no.”

“In a perfect world, I would have,” she said quietly.  “So no, I don’t blame you at all.  I blame Saren.  And Udina.  But I can’t do anything about Udina, so I’ll concentrate on Saren.”

“Good plan.”

“I thought so.”

“So, what happened to you after I dropped you off at Flux?” He gently lifted her injured hand in both of his.  “Another fight?”

“Just between myself and a beer bottle.  It’s a long story.”

He laid a series of kisses over her bandaged knuckles.  “Any other injuries I should know about?”  

She grinned.  “I suppose you’ll just have to do a thorough examination and find out.  Dunno if you’ll be able to find them all though.”

“We’ll just see about that, my love.”  He pulled her to the edge of the table and kissed her deeply.  “After all, we’ve got all night.”


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the comments, kudos, etc.... they really keep me going :)

“You’ve got this.  Everyone’s behind you, 100%,” Joker said as Bex paced back and forth across the cockpit.  “We all followed Anderson, and we’ll follow you too.”

“Yeah, great.”  She sighed.  “Thanks, Joker.”

“Comm’s open if you want to say anything before we take off.”

She nodded and continued pacing.  

Joker’s words of encouragement only slightly bolstered her confidence as she ran her hands through her hair, tempted to just pull it all out, while she tried to think of the perfect morale booster speech.  She didn’t honestly have a damn clue what she was doing; when she’d “accepted" the Spectre position, she hadn’t really thought about the fact that she’d have her own ship, lead her own crew.  

She wondered how Nihlus had usually gone about his missions and was slightly irritated to realize she missed him.  For all the times she complained, vehemently, about having a turian Spectre on-board an Alliance ship, she really could have used his advice right about now.

Joker cleared his throat, reminding her that the comms were still open and she had yet to say a goddamn word.

She let out a shaky breath and began, not really sure what she was even saying.  “This isn’t the mission we were expecting when we left Arcturus a week ago.  But thanks to Saren and his geth, it is the mission we must now complete.  The Council is looking to us to stop a rogue Spectre, or more likely hoping we fail in the process, proving humanity isn’t ready to join the Spectres.  I  _ will _ prove them wrong, but more than that,  _ we _ will avenge the lives lost on Eden Prime, including Cpl. Jenkins, and the 212, and Nihlus.  We  _ will _ stop Saren, and in the end we will show him and the rest of the bloody galaxy that humanity belongs here among the stars, that we are a part of the galactic community and we're here to stay.  Shepard out.”

Joker raised an eyebrow as Bex disconnected the comm and breathed a sigh of relief as she wilted into the co-pilot’s chair.  “Great speech, Commander.  You're not used to talking to crowds, are you?”

She shook her head. “Not even ones I can’t actually see.  I'm used to being on my own, really.”

He raised an eyebrow.  “Like Nihlus?”

“No,  _ not _ like Nihlus.” She bristled at the comparison.  “I take any help I can get in a firefight, it’s just –”

“I can think of a few times where that was definitely  _ not _ the case, Commander.”  She glanced up and over her shoulder to see Kaidan standing behind her chair.  “And I believe you’re in my seat.”

“First of all, Lieutenant, those ‘few times,’ I wasn’t with the Alliance, but trying to protect my friends,” she said, glaring at him as she stood up as slowly as possible.  “And second of all…”

He grinned when she trailed off and didn’t finish her sentence. 

_ Cheeky bastard. _

She rolled her eyes and turned her attention back to the pilot, who was clearly trying to hide his amusement at their interaction.  “I’ll be in my quarters.  Joker, let me know when we’re in range to scan the planet.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

* * *

So far, having her own quarters was the only advantage Bex saw to having her own ship.  The sleeper pods the crew used seem just a bit too much like a coffin for her comfort, so the only “sleep” she’d gotten during shakedown was from being knocked out on Eden Prime.

Still, the room that had formerly been Captain Anderson’s quarters didn’t quite feel… right.  

She sat at the desk and switched on the terminal, taking a chair-twirling survey of the room as she waited for any messages to pop up.  It was still just as sparse as when Anderson had occupied the space; his only real decoration had been a photograph of himself standing next to a blonde woman with startlingly pale green eyes.

Bex had only brought a small box along with her duffel and personal terminal when she’d boarded the ship this morning.  Most of the personal items she’d nicked from Hackett, since most of her stuff was divided between their two apartments on Arcturus.  Before they’d parted ways, he’d promised to send her a box when he returned to the station, though she’d argued it would probably be more practical to send it to himself on the Citadel; she had absolutely no doubt the Normandy would be making at least a couple of trips back before all was said and done.

Finally connected and updated, her terminal beeped with several new messages, including a vid chat request, several hours old, from Zaeed.  She’d sent him a message just after the Normandy had docked at the Citadel after Eden Prime, and another last night, but she hadn’t actually  _ seen _ him since her last birthday.

He’d said he’d be away for a long while on a job, though she suspected it wasn’t a paying job, but rather tracking Vido, or the last of the bastards who’d held him down as Vido shot him.  She knew he’d been tracking them for the last twenty years, but the only ones who’d been dealt with were the two she’d run into during her N7 test.  The ones who’d killed her father.

“Please tell me you haven’t been sitting there all this time, just waiting for me to pick up,” she said by way of greeting when the chat finally connected.

He shrugged.  “Got nothing better to do, so why not?”

“Nothing better to do?”  She frowned.  “Thought you were on a job.”

“Was.  It’s finished now.”  He leaned in closer to the screen. “It’s all over.”

“What’s all over?”

“They’re all dead now, ‘cept… Him.”

“Vido?”

Zaeed wobbled a bit as he nodded and she realized he’d probably been drinking the whole time he was waiting for her; several bottles littered the floor behind him.

“So if the job’s done, for now, why are you still… wherever you are?”

“Bloody bastard did something to my ship ‘fore I killed him.”

“Ah. So… where  _ are _ you?”

“No bloody clue.”

Bex rolled her eyes.  “Very helpful.  How am I supposed to find you if you don’t know where you are?”

“Find me?  Why would you –”

“Normandy’s mine, Z.  Udina made it official this morning.”  She sighed.  “I don’t  _ want _ it, but it is what it is, y’know?”

“Then why’d you accept the position?”

“How many times do I have to bloody say it?” she growled.  “I. Had. No. Choice.”

Zaeed shook his head.  “You  _ always _ have a choice, Bex.” His voice was much more sober than she’d thought he was capable of at the moment.  “Besides that, you’re military; what the hell’s the ambassador doing interfering all the time?”

She shrugged.  “Fuck if I know.  Hackett keeps holding me back every time I look tempted to punch the bastard, but he’s got the same look in his eye, so…”

“Bet you’re glad to have Udina running interference with the Council though.”

“Eh.  Yes, and no.  he’s a politician, the Councilors are politicians, so they speak the same language, but I don’t trust a single one of ‘em.”

“Good girl.”  Zaeed leaned in close to the screen again.  “What about your crew?  Do you trust them?”

Bex shrugged.  “I don’t really  _ know _ them, ‘cept Kaidan and the doc.  And Wrex.”

“Wrex.  You have Urdnot Wrex on your ship?”

“Yup.  I mentioned that in my last message, about him helping me find the evidence to blacklist Saren.”

“Oh right.”  Zaeed’s face darkened and he sounded deadly serious.  “Be careful with him, half-pint.  He’s unpredictable in confined spaces.”

“No less predictable than I am,” Bex insisted, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.  “If he didn’t scare me off when I was a kid, he’s sure as hell not going to now.”

“You only met him a handful of times back then.  You have no idea what he’s like.”

She snorted.  “Oh, I know him a lot better than you think I do.”

She told him about the times she’d gone to visit Wrex when Vido was at his most unbearable, when going down to see Noah in the med-bay wasn’t far enough out of Vido’s reach to make her feel safe. For an otherwise dangerous warrior, Wrex had been surprisingly good at entertaining a child.  They were some of Bex’s favorite memories of her time on Omega. 

Zaeed was silent for a long while after she’d finished, an unreadable expression on his face. Finally, he sighed and leaned back in his chair.  “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

She raised an eyebrow.  “About what?  Vido being an insufferable jackass?”

“No, I’ve known that since the day I met the bloody bastard.  Why didn’t you tell me about visiting Wrex?”

She shrugged.  “I didn’t want to make waves, I guess.  I thought if you knew I was running away, you’d think you had to stop your work and then you’d resent me, or worse, you’d send me away for good.”

“I would never have sent you away, ever.”  He frowned.  “Did Noah realize you were sneaking out?”

“Don’t think so; if he did, he never mentioned it.”  She heaved a sigh, wishing she’d never said anything.  “My point is, I trust Wrex more than most of the people on this ship.”

“Clearly.”

“So you really have no idea where the hell you are?” she asked, bringing the conversation back to the beginning.  “You can’t stay there forever, y’know.”

Zaeed rolled his eyes.  “I know that.  Just… give me a minute.”

“Just give me the planet, genius,” she said when he disappeared from view.  “You don’t have to know exactly where you are; just set up the distress beacon and the Normandy’s scanners will pick it up.”

He rolled back into view a moment later.  “Edolus.”

“Seriously?  Then it won’t take as long as I thought.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because we’re already headed there.”  The terminal beeped with a message from engineering.  “I gotta go Z.  Sit tight and stay out of trouble, okay?  We’ll see you in… awhile.”

“How long is awhile?”

“Well, um… we just left the Citadel about an hour ago, so…”

“Yeah.”  Zaeed sighed.  “Awhile.”

* * *

By the time the Mako reached Zaeed’s position, it was close to collapsing from damage, and Bex and her squad were dirty, exhausted, and angry.  They’d already been ambushed by a thresher maw, and found the remains of a squad of Alliance marines who’d been lured to its nest by a conveniently placed distress beacon.

Kaidan and Chief Williams elected to stay in the Mako while Bex made her way into Zaeed’s ship.  

“Well, isn’t this a bloody nice change of pace,” Zaeed quipped as she climbed into the cockpit.  “I’m the one in trouble, we’re both conscious, and nobody looks like they lost a fight to a krogan.”

“You won’t be saying that when you see the Mako.”  She pulled off her gauntlets and tossed them aside, glad to finally let her injured hand breathe for awhile.  “And underneath this armor, I’m one giant bruise.”

“And here I was, thinking this place was a goddamn paradise.  What happened?”  

“We’re all suffering the after-effects of a fight with a thresher maw.”  Bex rolled her shoulders and cracked her neck.  “Got tossed around like a bunch of ragdolls in the stupid tank.”

“Who’s we?”

“Kaidan and our gunnery chief are back in the Mako with the remains of an Alliance squad we found, the reason we were already coming to this godsforsaken place.  Would have come here by myself, but we figured the Mako wouldn’t make the journey if it had to go back up to the Normandy and then get slammed back down to the ground again.”

Zaeed raised an eyebrow.  “Will it make it back up to the Normandy at all?”

Bex grinned.  “Guess you’ll just have to find out with the rest of us.” She stood up and stretched again, retrieving her gauntlets from where they’d fallen on the console and her helmet from the floor.  “You ready to go?”

“Definitely.”  Zaeed stood and reattaching the pieces of armor he’d shed during his hours of drinking, and picked up the case containing his beloved rifle Jessie.  “If I ever see this bloody planet again, I’ll strangle someone.”

“Believe me, we know exactly how you feel.”

 


	46. Chapter 46

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments, kudos, bookmarks, etc. They really kept me going over this past year while I struggled to finish this chapter.
> 
> Also, to the wonderful people of MEFFW group on FB, y'all are always a great help.
> 
> And a huge shoutout to my beta, Pixelatrix, without whom this chapter would never have gotten finished (nor any other chapter, of this or any of my fics). 
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy!!

_ This is not what I bloody signed up for. _

_ This asari better be goddamn worth it. _

_ Another day, another alien on an Alliance ship. _

Maneuvering the Mako along narrow paths between pools of lava, Bex kept up the bitter litany of complaints.  Any other day, she’d have flat-out ignored advice given by Udina, but after both Hackett and Anderson had agreed that it would be useful to at least make contact with the daughter of Saren’s top lieutenant, she’d begrudgingly gone along with it.  After returning the remains of the thresher-ambushed Alliance patrol to Arcturus, the Normandy had set out to find Dr. Liara T’Soni.  On Therum.  A fucking volcano planet.

Bex decided that if she managed to make it off this planet alive, she was going to seriously contemplate taking out Udina. 

“Who  _ willingly _ comes to study ruins built over a bloody active volcano?” she groused to no one in particular, continuing to inch along even as the pit on the left came to an end, allowing for a marginally wider path.  “Better question, what kind of idiots build parts of a civilization over a bloody active volcano in the first place?” 

“That would be the Protheans, Shepard,” Kaidan quipped from the seat to her left.

She rolled her eyes but didn’t actually acknowledge his answer, instead resuming her previous concentration level as the path narrowed again.  She wasn’t taking any chances; one wrong move and they’d all end up in a fiery grave.  Definitely  _ not _ the way she planned to go out.

“Come on, Shepard,” Garrus said from the backseat.  “If you don’t put your foot down, we’re all going to die of old age before we ever reach Dr. T’Soni.  Even Wrex.”

Wrex grunted what sounded like begrudging agreement.

Bex clenched her jaw and tightened her hands on the Mako’s steering column briefly before she brought the vehicle to a halt.  

“I swear to all the deities in existence,” she growled, swinging around in her seat to glare at the two larger-than-life aliens in the backseat, “if either of you say one more bloody word about my driving, you're going into the fucking lava!”

Without waiting for a response or even acknowledgement, she swung back around and resumed her white-knuckle grip on the steering column.

“Shepard, maybe you should let someone else drive?” The tone of Kaidan’s voice made the question sound more like an absolute statement.

She turned to glare at him for a few seconds, but finally relented.  Switching from one side to the other in the tight quarters of the tank required a series of near-intimate gymnastics before they could finally settle into their new respective seats.  

“Are you bloody happy now?” she growled to no one in particular as Kaidan started up the Mako again and continued the trek toward the ruins where Dr. T’Soni had last been seen.  

“Shepard, can I ask  _ why _ your driving is so… different today than usual?” Garrus asked, breaking a minutes-long tense silence.  

Beside her, Kaidan sharply sucked in a breath, likely thinking she would follow through with her threat to dump any or all of them into the lava.

“Oh, so you’d have preferred the Mako going up in flames, then,” she sniped, using her position as navigator as an excuse to avoid having to face the turian again.  She might not be the one steering the tank, but she still wanted to make sure Kaidan didn’t tip them over.  Not that he would.  He was the model of patience, at least on the surface, compared to her usual daredevil ways.  “I’ll remember that next time, Vakarian.”

“No need for sarcasm, Shepard,” Garrus grumbled.  “You could have just said ‘none of your business’ and left it at that.”

“You’ve got a lot to learn, turian. Sarcasm is the only language she knows.”  Wrex chuckled when Bex swore at him in his own language.  “Heh. And that.”

She resisted the urge to turn and stick her tongue out at the old krogan and addressed Garrus instead.  “I suppose if you’re sticking around through this shitshow, you  _ do _ need to know.”  She sighed.  “Look, Vakarian, it’s… I have a sometimes-crippling fear of fire.  That includes lava.”

“Nearly everyone is afraid of lava,” Garrus said before she could continue.  “But most don’t drive at, what is that human expression, ‘a snail’s pace’ when there’s solid ground.”

Bex growled softly.  “No, you’re not getting it,” she said, her teeth clenched again as they reached another narrow path. Another sigh and then, “It started when I was three…”

She told them everything, some things Kaidan and Wrex had known for years, and even some things Vido had done to her post-Torfan that only Hackett knew about, because of the scars left behind. By the time she’d finished, she’d learned four new krogan swear words and Garrus had said “spirits” so many times, she was almost worried she’d broken him.  

In the seat beside her, Kaidan was silent, concentrating fully on driving, though she could see the signs of rage boiling below the surface.  Even though he was still always so careful with his biotics, even during combat, she knew that if he ever met Vido face to face, he’d rip the bastard apart, piece by piece.

A tense silence filled the Mako, broken only by Bex giving occasional course changes. Human and alien alike breathed a collective sigh of relief when she announced that they were coming up on a geth dropship. 

Wrex opted to man the Mako’s cannon, protecting the tank from the dropship and two geth colossi, while the others took on an unending number of individual geth platforms.  By the time the last colossus had fallen and the dropship had seemingly given up, Bex, Kaidan, and Garrus were exhausted and practically boiling in their armor.  But the fight had eased the tension brought on by the previous discussion and conversation was lighter as they piled into the Mako and Kaidan took the helm once more.   

* * *

Bex had thought fighting wave after wave of geth troopers through the oppressive heat on the surface of the planet was bad, but it was nothing compared to the heat and number of geth the squad encountered once they finally made it into  the ruins.  And the news only got worse when they found Dr. T’Soni, caught in a Prothean trap.

“I was only trying to protect myself from the geth,” she explained.  “But I must have done something wrong.”

“So what you’re saying is it’s lucky we came along when we did and not later or we’d have found a goddamn corpse,” Bex said, thoroughly unimpressed with the archaeologist so far.

Dr. T’Soni blinked in surprise.  “I-I suppose so.  Can you help?”

Bex crossed her arms and stared her down.  “Maybe.  But first, can you tell us why your mother would be working with Saren?  And are you working with them?”

“What are you doing?” Kaidan muttered in her ear.  “If she was working with Saren, she wouldn’t have tried to get away from the geth.”

“Mm.” Bex shook her head.  “Or she did it to play the innocent, get on our good side to get information to report back to her mother or Saren.”

“I have not spoken to my mother in almost a decade,” the doctor said, clearly distressed at the current turn of events.  “I do not know why she would join with Saren or why they are looking for me.”

Bex rolled her eyes.  “They’re looking for you because you’re a Prothean expert.  Saren’s looking for something called the Conduit, probably thinks you can help him find it.”

“Oh.”

“But you’re no use to anyone unless we can figure out how to get you out of… whatever that is.”  Bex turned to her squad.  “Suggestions?”

Her squad looked around but came up empty.  Behind her, Dr. T’Soni spoke up again. “There is a mining laser further along this passage.  Perhaps it can be used to drill a hole through the wall.”

“Or it might bring the whole bloody place down on top of us,” Bex replied.

Risky or not, there were no other options.  Even if Bex was heartless and intended to leave the doctor to rot in the Prothean trap, the elevator they’d used to come down to this level had made a crash landing, so they’d have to go through to the next room anyway.

“We’ll be through in a few minutes,” Bex called over her shoulder as she led the others down into the next section.

Dr. T’Soni’s reedy voice followed them.  “Be careful!  The geth have a krogan leading them.”

Bex muttered a litany of obscenities.  “That’s all we bloody need.”  She winked at Wrex.  “Good thing we’ve got one of our own.”

* * *

An hour later, Dr. T’Soni was freed from her Prothean prison, but as Bex had predicted, the mining laser had shaken things loose and the whole cave system was on the verge of collapse.  She prayed to any gods that were listening as the group piled onto a rickety-looking elevator platform in the center of the ruin.  As much as she’d not wanted to die in a pool of lava on the planet’s surface, she sure as shit didn’t want to be buried in a Prothean ruin either.

The platform finally ground to a halt and everyone scrambled off of it, only to find their path to the exit blocked by yet another group of geth troopers, fronted by the biggest krogan Bex had ever seen.  

“Usually, this is the part where we’d trade insults before a fight to the death,” she internalized a shudder as she dodged a piece of flaming rock falling from the ceiling, “but given we’re about to fry to death…”

“I could just smash you like the pyjack you are,” the krogan retorted.

Bex snorted a laugh.  “You can bloody well try!”

The krogan needed no further encouragement and lunged with a deafening roar.  Bex rolled out of the way just in time, only to be forcefully yanked up by the back of her armored collar.

She spun around as soon as she was on her feet again.  “What the bloody fucking–” 

“You’re welcome!” Garrus yelled over his shoulder as he barrelled into a group of troopers.  “Don’t make it so easy for him!”

Bex frowned in confusion for a moment, until she looked back at where she’d been, only an inch or two from the edge of the catwalk.

_ Well fuck me with a fork. _

She had no time to dwell on how close she’d come to plummeting to her death as a rocket whizzed past her head.  She quickly zeroed in on the trooper who’d taken the shot and used her biotics to lift it up near the ceiling before dropping it squarely on the enemy krogan’s head.  She knew it wouldn’t do much except piss him off, but at the moment she didn’t care.  

As he prepared to charge, she sprinted across the catwalk and grabbed the shotgun Wrex always carried for her.  She primed it and shot the rampaging krogan until the weapon overheated, once again rolling out of his way.

Or so she thought.  

Instead, she found herself dangling upside down in mid-air, one leg held firmly in the krogan’s grasp.  She sent a barrage of biotic charges to the vulnerable space under his chin, but they merely bounced off his thick hide, shooting off in every direction.

_ Fuckity fucking fuck. _

“So, I guess this is the part where you squish me like a pyjack,” she said, praying he wouldn’t notice the quiver of fear in her voice.

His bark of laughter tore through her like a blast from her own shotgun.  “Later.  But–”

His gloating was interrupted by a round of assault gun fire to the back.  Just as Bex’s shots had done, these only served to piss him off even more, as he swung around and prepared to charge Garrus, who stood his ground.

Bex groaned.   _ So, not death by lava or being buried in a ruin, but pancaked between a krogan and a turian.  Bloody brilliant. _

The krogan surged forward and Bex decided maybe she’d get lucky and smash her head into his armor before she got squished.  She braced for impact as the distance between her captor and Garrus closed, before two things happened simultaneously with such precision, she’d have thought it was rehearsed.  

The moment they were close enough, Garrus reached out and grabbed hold of her and quickly moved out of the way as Wrex barrelled into the enemy krogan from the side, causing him to release his hold on her leg.  The momentum sent him tumbling over the side of the catwalk with a final enraged roar.

Garrus set Bex on her feet and she immediately collapsed against the nearest pillar.  His mandibles fluttered in what she decided was concern as she waved him away to join the others in taking down the remaining geth troops.  

As the last one fell, he was back at her side, hauling her over his shoulders before the squad ran for their lives as the cave continued to crumble around them.  Not a moment too soon, they burst out of the ruin in a cloud of red dust as the cave collapsed entirely.

“Well, that’s one less ruin in a dumbass place,” Bex said as the world turned rightside up again and Garrus helped her limp up the Normandy’s cargo ramp toward a visibly pale Dr. Chakwas.  “Thanks for the saves, by the way.”

His mandibles fluttered again.  “You’d have done the same.”

“Of course.”  She was amazed to realize she actually meant it, but grimaced as an alternate scene flashed through her mind.  “Wouldn’t have turned out so bloody well though.”

He gave her what looked like the turian version of a grin.  “It’s the thought that counts.”

 


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank y'all so much for the comments, kudos, etc. They really keep me going :)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy :D

Dr. Chakwas tried to insist Bex stay in the med bay for the duration of the trip from Therum to Arcturus.  Bex flat out refused, but finally agreed to hold the post-mission briefing there, if only for the entertainment she derived from watching Wrex squeeze into the narrow space.  

The decision turned out to be a good one–a fact she was sure the doc would never let her forget–when Dr. T’Soni fainted after mind-melding with Bex, trying to decipher the images swirling in Bex’s mind from the beacon.

Bex saw a chance for escape in the ensuing chaos, the sanctuary of her quarters calling to her, but she was stopped by Joker’s announcement that the Council wanted a word with her, and they were not going to wait.

“Commander Shepard.”  The asari councilor’s brisque tone instantly had Bex’s hackles up.  “We were under the impression you were following a lead on Saren, yet you are on your way to Arcturus Station for the second time in as many weeks.  Would you care to explain?”

Bex said nothing for several seconds, attempting to keep her temper in check.  “The first time we were on Arcturus shouldn’t have even been a blip on your goddamn radar.  We were delivering the remains of an Alliance patrol we found on a remote planet–”

“That had absolutely nothing to do with Saren,” the turian councilor interjected.

She ignored him.  “And I  _ was _ following a lead, give to me by humanity’s esteemed amb _ ass _ ador” – the Council didn’t seem to notice her emphasis on the middle letters of the word but judging from the muffled snicker on the comms, Joker did – “which sort of led us to a hell planet, and now my pilot and engineers have flipped their shit.”

“That does not answer our question, Commander,” the asari said, her steady tone contradicted by the fury blazing in the turian councilor’s  eyes.

“Don’t bother trying to get a straight answer from her, Tevos,” the turian said.  “I’ve yet to see any sign that she takes anything seriously, especially this mission.”

“It does answer your question, actually,” Bex retorted, ignoring the turian councilor entirely.  “As Joker put it, the Normandy’s not meant for such conditions. ‘Lava has a tendency to melt our hull, fry our sensors.’” She shrugged.  “So we’re getting the ship checked out before we go anywhere else.”  She smiled serenely before continuing, “Of course I could tell the lot of them to stuff their worries up their– um… I could tell them to forget the safety check, if the Council is okay with the Normandy not being at peak performance.”

“I don’t care about your ship, Shepard,” the turian councilor snarled.  “What the hell happened on that planet?”

Tevos spared a bewildering look at her colleague before turning back to Bex.  “What Sparatus  _ meant _ to say was ‘did you make contact with Dr. T’Soni?’”

Bex nodded.  “It was a little… hairy at some points, but yes, we did.  We ran into a shit ton of geth, and the particularly aggressive krogan who was leading them and–”

“And at any point, did you stop to think before you destroyed a Prothean ruin?” Sparatus was practically frothing at the mouth as he stared her down.

“No, we were a bit more concerned with getting the fuck out of there alive,” she snapped.  She threw up her hands in exasperation.  “You’re obviously not actually interested in what I have to say, so fuck this.  I’m done.  Joker!”

“Connection  _ lost _ , Commander,” he confirmed seconds later.  “Damn shame, just when it was getting good.”

Bex rolled her eyes.  “You want to talk to them next time, be my fucking guest.  How long do you expect your repairs to take? We do still have a rogue Spectre to catch, y’know.”

“Yeah, yeah.  But my baby’s been through hell, and she needs a good check-up before she can go anywhere else.”

“ _ Your baby _ ?  Whatever you say, Joker.  Just… let me know when you’ve figured out how long we’re stuck for,  yeah?”

“You got it, Commander.  Oh, by the way, Admiral Hackett left a message while you were ‘in talks’ with the Council.”

“That so?” 

“Yeah, uh, he said something about he’s meeting the ship at the dock?  He’s got a bunch of missions he wants to talk about or something.”

Bex sighed.   _ Of course _ it was about work.  Lately, any communication from Hackett was solely about some mission or other.  Because apparently the Normandy was the only bloody ship in the galaxy capable of travelling anywhere.  The Normandy was fast, sure, but it was all getting ridiculous.  

It was bloody unusual for him to want to meet at the dock though.  Maybe there was some hidden message behind it all, but she doubted it was anything she needed to worry about.

* * *

When the Normandy finally arrived at Arcturus six hours later, Hackett wasn’t the only familiar face standing outside the dock bay.  Partially hidden in the general crowds that always milled about, Bex saw three faces she recognized immediately, but had hoped she’d never have to see again.  Three of Ian’s crew, the ones who’d been in the alley in Vancouver and again in the pub in London; the shitheads who’d gotten off without so much as a bloody warning while she was forced into the Alliance.

_ Son of a f–  _

“Commander Shepard? Do you have time for a quick interview?”

Bex whipped around at the sound of her name, wincing as she tweaked her injured leg, only to be confronted by a reporter from Westerlund News.

_ Fuckballs. _

“Commander?” she repeated, thrusting a microphone in Bex's face.

She bristled and opened her mouth, but before she could say a word, Hackett spoke instead.

“Commander Shepard is not available for interviews at this time, Ms. al-Jilani,” he said, his voice calm but firm as he steered Bex away from the reporter.

Despite Hackett’s commanding presence, she persisted.  “I just have a few questions.  It won’t–” 

He stopped and spun on his heel to face her again.  “Do you make a habit of ambushing people the moment they’ve stepped off a ship?”  His outward demeanor remained calm, but anyone who knew him at all–and a seasoned reporter like Khalisah Bint Sinan al-Jilani most certainly did–would realize his patience was wearing thin.  “Or is Shepard no longer afforded common courtesy?”

“With all due respect, Admiral,” she said, her voice now frigid where it had been inviting moments before, “it’s not really your decision whether humanity’s first Spectre has time for an interview or not.”

Bex stepped in front of Hackett before he said something he’d likely regret saying on camera.  “I’m still human, Khalisah,” she said with the same smile she’d used on the Council, “and last time I checked, I’m still part of the Alliance, even if I answer to the Council first most days.  So, if Admiral Hackett says I don’t have time for an interview, then I don’t have time for a bloody interview!”

Breathing in even deep breaths to keep her biotics at bay, Bex turned and pushed past Hackett, finally putting some distance between herself and the crowd.  She didn’t stop until she’d reached a cabstand and climbed into a waiting cab.

“Feel better?” Hackett asked as he climbed in beside her and set a destination.

She shrugged.  “Suppose so.  The reporter wasn't the only one I wanted to get away from though.”

“Oh?”

She leaned her head back, staring at the roof of the cab and blew out a long breath.  “Remember Ian?”

“Vividly.” She could hear the confusion in his voice when he added, “but he's long dead.”

Bex smiled faintly at the memory of snapping the bastard's neck.  “Oh yeah, he's definitely dead.  But the other members of his poor man's version of the Reds, they're still around.”

“What would they be doing on Arcturus?  And after all these years?”

She shrugged again.  “Guess none of them's ever heard of short-term revenge.  Took Ian ten years to track me back to Vancouver.  Wouldn't put it past this lot to have taken this long to think of a way to get to me again.”

“Well, they'll have to keep thinking,” Hackett said fiercely, “because they're not laying a goddamn hand on you.”

Bex turned to kiss his cheek and laid her head on his shoulder. “I love your protective side, Steven.”

“Why do I sense a ‘but’ coming?” 

She huffed a laugh. “You know me too well.”

“You make that sound like a bad thing.”

She put a hand on his cheek, turning him to face her as she kissed him again.  When they broke apart, she rested her forehead against his.  “I missed you.”

“Did you really?”  He chuckled.  “I couldn’t tell.”  He lifted his head slightly to kiss the wrinkle between her eyes as she glared at him.  “I missed you too, my love.  But I think we're getting a bit off-topic.”

She shook her head.  “Not off-topic, just... changed topics.”

“I see.  Well, I think I'd like to revisit the original topic, of you wanting to 'take care of' Ian's cronies.”

“I never said anything about 'taking care' of them, Steven.”

“Not in words, no,” Hackett agreed, pausing momentarily as the cab pulled up outside his housing block, “but as you say, I know you 'too' well.  You won't sit idly by while they're running around the station.”

She shrugged, acting more casual than she felt.  “They're thugs.  They'd get by on the Citadel, but Arcturus has too many rules.  They'll be in the brig by the end of the night, guaranteed.”

“So you're saying the problem will take care of itself.”

“Something like that.”

“Uh-huh.”

Bex leaned against the wall outside Hackett’s front door.  “You don't believe me, do you?”

“Do I believe they’re capable of getting themselves in trouble?  Absolutely.  Do I believe that you won’t help them along that path?” He caressed her cheek a moment before he gently gripped her chin and pressed his lips to hers.  “ Absolutely not.”

“This… this is  _ precious _ ,” a wholly unwelcome voice purred from the shadows several feet down the corridor.  Khalisah stepped into the light, her camera and microphone at the ready.  “Better, this is ratings gold.”

“What–”

“And it explains  _ so much _ ,” she continued, ignoring Hackett’s attempts to control the situation.  As she had at the docks, she shoved the microphone in Bex’s face.  “So tell me, Commander, just how long have you been sleeping your way up the ranks?”

Bex’s jaw dropped for a full ten seconds before she lunged forward, her entire body bathed in biotic blue.  “How fucking  _ dare  _ you, you absolute bloody c–” Her rant cut off on the single word she’d never uttered aloud as Hackett yanked her back against his chest, trapping her arms in an iron grip.  “Steven,  _ let me go _ .”

“You have no right to be here uninvited, Ms. al-Jilani,” he said in the same firm voice he’d used back at the docking bay.  “And I resent your implications.”

“I go where the news is, Admiral,” Khalisah said, “and this is definitely news.  I’m sure the rest of the admiralty board as well as the Council will be  _ very  _ interested to know Shepard got her status because –”

“Because she goddamn earned it,” Hackett snarled, “the way any other soldier earns their stripes.  She has never asked to advance her career, not once.”

“Then–”

“It may have escaped your notice, but people do actually come together for reasons other than career advancement.”

“But–”

“As for the Alliance fraternization rules, I have never been her CO.  And as she is now a Spectre, she answers to no one but the Council, so that rule no longer applies.  Besides which–” every ounce of fight left Bex’s body at his next two words– “we’re married.”

 


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos, comments, bookmarks, etc. Y'all are the best :)
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy the fluff!!

Bex managed to keep her composure until she and Hackett had retreated to the privacy of his apartment, leaving  a slack-jawed Khalisah in the corridor.

But only just.

The moment the door was shut behind them, Bex slumped against the wall.  Hackett finished giving his VI instructions and caught her in his arms before she could wilt to the floor. 

He smoothed her untidy hair out of her face.  “Are you all right?” he asked, his voice and eyes both filled with concern and guilt.

She nodded.  “Just did a very stupid thing back there, flaring my biotics like that.  I’m sure Dr. Chakwas will be banging down your door the moment Khalisah airs that disaster piece, to wring my neck.”

“And why would she do that?”

“Because I’m supposed to be taking it easy after Therum, meaning no biotics.” She toyed with the buttons on his shirt, avoiding his piercing gaze.  “And also because I haven’t eaten since before…”

One arm tightened around her waist as he used the other hand to tilt her chin up so she was forced to look at him.  “Before Therum?”

She nodded again.

He stared at her a moment but said nothing else,  merely scooped her up and carried her to the kitchen, where he set her up on one of the counters and began rummaging through his refrigerator and cabinets.  “Pancakes or waffles?” he asked after several minutes of silence, emerging from the refrigerator with a carton of eggs.  “Or something else?”

Bex pretended to think for a moment.  “Waffles, I think.  With a side of what the bloody hell happened back there?  Something you want to tell me, Steven?” She fixed him with a pointed stare.  “I seem to have missed the proposal and the wedding.”

Hackett sighed. “I’m sorry, Rebekah.  I panicked.”

She quirked an eyebrow.  “You, Mr. Intimidator, you panicked?”

He chuckled.  “I’ve been in a constant state of panic for years, my love.  Ever since that day I showed up at Tamara Faulkner’s door with coffee and pastry.”

Bex gawked at him.  “You’re bloody joking, right?  That was…” she counted on her fingers for a moment before she gave up, “ _ years _ ago.  Ages!”

“And I’ve never taken a single moment of that time for granted. For years, I feared one day you’d wake up and wonder why you were with someone like me.”

She took the eggs from him and pulled him over to stand between her legs and kissed him.  “I had the same thoughts about you,” she admitted softly.  “Hell, you should have been inside my head on my last birthday, freaking out about admitting I love you.  I was practically planning escape routes for if you’d said you didn’t feel the same way.  Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t run anyway.”

Hackett pressed a kiss to her forehead and went back to gathering ingredients for the waffles.  “Well, I’m very glad you didn’t, my love.”

_ Me too _ , Bex thought as they fell into a companionable silence while Hackett puttered around the kitchen.  Her mind wandered as she watched him preparing the ingredients for two different kinds of waffles.  It was all ridiculously domestic, soothing her frayed nerves, a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a long time.  And she realized she never wanted that to end. 

“Fuck it,” she said suddenly, “why don’t we actually get married?”

Hackett turned so quickly, he sprayed the entire space in flour.  “What did you say?”

Bex couldn’t help but laugh at her admiral, always the picture of perfection, now caked in flour from head to foot.  Eventually, she recovered enough to pull off a semi-serious expression as she took his hands in hers.  “Steven Hackett, will you marry me?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t a person supposed to be down on one knee when they ask that question?”

“Usually, yes, but I don’t think the sight of me on my knees would set the right tone here,” she said with a wink. “Also, um… once I got down, I don’t think I’d be able to get back up.”

Hackett chuckled.  “Both compelling reasons.”  He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers, wrapped an arm around her waist and lifted her up and off the counter, setting her down in the middle of the kitchen.  “Then allow me.”  He reached up a moment to the cabinet above where she’d been sitting before he knelt down on one knee in front of her.  “Rebekah Shepard, will you marry me?”

Shocked at the sudden turn of events, Bex found her voice no longer worked.  All she could do was nod as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.  She wobbled, her injured leg threatening to give out on her again, as she leaned down to wrap an arm around his shoulder, the other hand brushing lingering flour from his lips before she kissed him.  But their lips had only just met when her stomach growled and she collapsed against him in a fit of giggles.

“Leave it to my appetite to kill the romance,” she said when she’d finally found her voice again.

Hackett chuckled as he stood and pulled her up with him.  “Well you were the one who decided to propose  _ while _ I was making you food.”

“Well you–” She pouted, unable to think of a comeback.  She stuck her tongue out at him when he laughed and then resumed her seat on the counter, her head brushing the cabinet behind her.  “Wait no, I’ve got one!”

“Oh?” 

“You were the one who acted all surprised,” she gestured to the flour still covering the majority of the kitchen, “yet you had a ring? Wait.”  She frowned, turning the still-unopened box in her hands.  “ _ Why _ did you have an engagement ring, at all, and in a kitchen cabinet of all places?”

“Well, why haven’t you looked at the ring yet?”

“That’s the best you’ve got?” Bex huffed a laugh but fixed him with a serious look.  “Answer my questions first.”

Hackett didn’t saying anything for awhile, apparently pouring all his concentration into stirring the batter just right.  Finally, he sighed and set the bowl down and turned to face her.  

She held up a hand.  “Wait.  I may pass out if I don’t eat something like right now, so…”  She smiled apologetically.  “I know, I’m all over the place.”

“I swear, I love you more and more every day,” Hackett said with a smile that nearly made Bex tear up again. He turned to check the temperature of the waffle iron.  “I can answer the one question easily.  I put the ring up there because it was the only place I could think of where you wouldn’t accidentally stumble across it.”

She shrugged.  “That’s fair.”

“I was surprised,” he continued only after he’d handed her a stack of banana chocolate chip waffles, “not by the idea, but because you brought it up.”

“Oh.”

“I was uncertain how you felt about marriage to begin with, since we’d never discussed it.  For all I knew, you were still of the same mindset as when we started dating.  And after  _ that _ ,” he gestured in the direction of the front door, “I thought you might be turned off to the idea altogether.”

“I was never opposed to the idea of marriage itself, just… opposed to Kaidan’s seemingly set-in-stone plans for the future.”  Bex shook her head, clearing thoughts of the past from her mind.  She glanced at Hackett. “You were unsure, and yet you’d bought a ring?”

He sighed again.  “Would you believe me if I told you it was an impulse buy?”

She snorted.  “Absolutely not.” She narrowed her eyes at him.  “Seriously?”

He nodded slowly.  “I saw it when I was picking out the earrings I gave you for Christmas.  It reminded me of you so much I had to buy it then and there, though I had no idea when or if I’d ever give it to you.”

Bex couldn’t think of a damn thing to say to that.  But curiosity had finally gotten the better of her, and Hackett had answered all of her questions, so she set her plate of half-eaten waffles aside and finally turned her attention back to the small round silver box in her hands.  It looked vintage, and knowing her admiral, it probably was. 

“1950s,” he said. “Both the box and ring.”

She ran her fingers over the scrollwork on the lid and finally opened the box. Her mouth fell open and tears blurred the edges of her vision as she took the ring out with shaking fingers.  The band was unadorned, simple white gold, but the setting was a circle of scrollwork, similar to that on the box, cushioning a solitary white pearl.  It was unlike any ring she’d seen, which was saying a lot, given the mountain of rings she and a hopelessly indecisive Morgan had gone through to pick Tamara’s oh so long ago.

Bex could feel Hackett’s eyes on her even as he pretended to stir batter for blueberry waffles.  “Steven.” She held a hand out to him.

He immediately abandoned the bowl and took her hand, giving her a look of mild concern when she used a weak biotic flare to pull him over to stand between her legs.

“It’s perfect,” she whispered against his lips as she put the ring in his hand.  She pulled away and smiled up at him.  “I never got this far the last time I got proposed to, but from all the vids I’ve seen, you’re supposed to put the ring on my finger.”

“I  _ had _ wondered why you were still just holding it.”

“Well, it’s partly that and…” she chewed her lip a moment, “I guess I was still trying to figure out if this is real.”

“Yes, my love.” He slipped the ring onto her finger and laid a kiss on her knuckles.  “This is real.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ring: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182932222761/  
> ring box: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/357262182932290989/


	49. Chapter 49

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, but thanks for the kudos, comments, etc. They really keep me going!!
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day y'all!
> 
> Thanks bunches to [joufancyhuh](http://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh) for beta reading this chapter :D

Bex had wanted Zaeed to be the first to know about the engagement, to make up for being the last of her friends and family to know about the relationship. But before she’d made it halfway to Hackett’s home office, she’d been waylaid by pings on her omni-tool, one from Joker and one from Kaidan. Joker’s message had been blessedly short and to the bloody point: the ship’s check-up wasn’t done yet, but as they hadn’t found anything yet, he wasn’t expecting it to be much longer. She’d nearly ignored the hail from Kaidan, but knew it would only make things more awkward later on if she did.

By the time she got settled into Hackett’s cushy desk chair and dialed Zaeed’s omni-tool, she was more than a little annoyed, and very afraid he had already seen Khalisah’s broadcast.

But when he finally answered, he seemed more alarmed than anything.

“What’s wrong? Who do I have to kill?” He blinked blearly at her, as if he was trying to bring the image on his screen into focus. “Oh. ‘S you.”

Bex raised an eyebrow. “Your first instinct when you get a call is to ask what’s wrong and who you have to kill?”

“Didn’t know it was you, did I? Was your admiral’s ID that came up, not yours.” Zaeed shrugged. “Couldn’t think of any reason he’d be calling. Nothing good anyway.” He squinted again. “What’s that in your hair?”

Bex swiped a hand through her red and black curls and came up with what amounted to crude paste. “Flour. Thought I’d gotten it all. It’s a long story, but part of why I called.”

“You called about flour in your hair.”

She rolled her eyes. “If you’re gonna be this bloody difficult, I’m just gonna hang up now.”

Zaeed snorted. “No you won’t. You called for a reason, and I’m guessing it’s important. Haven’t talked to you in… ages.”

“Three weeks is not ‘ages,’ Z.” She sighed. “Have you seen the news lately? Like in the last… hour?”

“No. Why? Were you on it?”

“Not because I wanted to be, but yeah.” Another sigh. “The whole bloody galaxy knows about my relationship now.”

“That so?”

“Joker wanted to get the ship checked out after a… close call on our last mission.” She told him everything–almost everything–that had happened since the Normandy had docked.  She decided not to mention seeing Ian’s goons at the dock; she hadn’t decided what, if anything, to do about them yet and Zaeed would only zero in on them and not hear anything else she said.

Finally, she got around to the actual reason she’d called. “And I said yes, of course, and now we’re getting married for real.”

Zaeed looked distracted and confused, as if he hadn’t heard a word she’d said before that. “You’re… wait. What?”

She held up her left hand to show him the ring.

“And you’re happy?”  He only glanced at the ring and fixed her with a serious expression.  “He’s not pressuring you into this?”

“Of course not.”

“Are you sure?  Sounds like he’s making plans and you’re going along with them.”

Bex rolled her eyes. “Well, that just proves you weren’t actually listening. I was the one who brought up getting engaged.”

Zaeed sighed. “Sorry, Half Pint. No, I wasn’t entirely paying attention.”

“You’re on a job?”

“Surveillance, yeah.”

“You could have always just not answered, y’know.”

“You remember the beginning of this conversation, when I said I thought it was Hackett calling, not you?” Zaeed shook his head. “With this mission you’ve got going on, there’s no way in hell I wasn’t answering a call from him, in case…”

“Oh.”

“You’re really happy?”

“Surprised, but yeah.” Bex grinned. “Definitely happy.”

“Good. So when are you getting married?” He frowned. “That wasn’t one of the things I didn’t hear, was it?”

She laughed. “No. We hadn’t talked about it, but then I said something stupid in a conversation with Kaidan, Steven sort of… panicked. And now we’re getting married, um, now. Before we leave again anyway.”

“He panicked?”

“Kaidan asked when we were getting married and I said I didn’t know, that I guess it depended on if we even survive this whole clusterfuck.”

“Yeah, that was pretty stupid. But it’s not like this is your first mission or like he doesn’t know the risks.”

Bex shrugged. “That was pretty much what I said too. He said that it’s always in the back of his mind, worried every time I go out on a mission, especially ones he’s sent me on. He’s just never heard _me_ say anything about not coming back.” She rushed on before he could respond. “Anyway, you’ve got your job. I just… if you’d had the time…”

“If you were on the Citadel, I’d have made it over in a couple of hours, job be damned. But unless your ship needs actual repairs, you’ll be gone before I could get to Arcturus.”

“Why don’t you just bring the terminal into the living room?” Bex jumped a little as Hackett walked into the room. He murmured an apology for startling her and pressed a kiss behind her ear before he crouched beside the chair. “Evening, Massani.”

Zaeed nodded a greeting but said nothing.

Bex wasn’t surprised. It was obvious he still had mixed feelings about the relationship, and about Hackett specifically, and didn’t want to risk expressing said feelings at the moment.

“That works for me.” She glanced at Zaeed. “You okay with only being a ‘virtual’ witness?”

“Don’t really have a bloody choice, do I?”

“Not on the virtual part, no.” Her eyes narrowed. “You’re not gonna wander off again during the… important parts, are you?”

“No, I’ll be there. Scout’s honor. Guy I was watching left anyway.”

She rolled her eyes. “You weren’t in the scouts.”

“Hush. So you’re, what, getting married right there in the apartment?”

“Yup.” She grinned. “Didn’t you know that’s every girl’s dream, getting married in her pajamas?”

Hackett cleared his throat and stood up. “Shall we?” he said, gesturing to the door behind him. “I think we’ve left Joe and Karin to their own devices long enough.”

“So you got hold of the doc?” Bex grimaced as she got to her feet, wobbling unsteadily for a moment before Hackett grabbed her arm. Pain shot through her leg and she swore a blue streak as she sank back into the chair. “I don’t think I’m walking anywhere.”

“What the hell’d you do now?” Zaeed asked.

“Oh, you know, the usual,” she said as she picked up the terminal and Hackett turned the chair to wheel it from the room.

“I know _your_ usual, yes.”

She blew out a long breath. “It’s um… a long story, but basically, I… sort of got on the wrong side of an angry krogan mercenary–no, not Wrex–and almost got tossed into a pit of lava.”

“Bloody hell.” Zaeed frowned. “Why’d you specify it wasn’t Wrex?”

“Because I know how you–both of you,” Bex glanced back at Hackett for a moment, “feel about him. And any mention of a krogan-induced injury, you’ll both go straight for Wrex.”

Zaeed raised an eyebrow. “I suspect the admiral’s got a whole other view on Wrex, but all I’ve ever said against him is he’s not the big reptilian teddy bear you seem to think he is.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t like you as much as he likes me,” she retorted, sticking her tongue out at him. “‘Sides, if it hadn’t been for him and Garrus, we would not be here having this conversation. Or any conversation.”

“And on that wholly depressing note,” Hackett said as they arrived in the living room, “I believe we’re ready to proceed.”

Admiral Faulkner raised a questioning eyebrow at the strange parade but Dr. Chakwas nodded approvingly. “I’m glad you’re taking my advice and staying off that leg, Shepard.”

“Didn’t have much of a fucking choice,” Bex grumbled as Faulkner took the terminal to set on the side table and Hackett helped her over to the couch, propping up her injured leg with pillows.

After a bit more shuffling so everyone was settled comfortably, Faulkner began the ceremony. The words were familiar, a shortened version of the script he’d used for Tamara and Morgan’s wedding a decade ago. Others might have thought it was cheap or unromantic, but Bex thought it was beautiful.

Sure, she’d have liked to have actually had Zaeed there instead on a screen, and she might have liked to have been able to dance with her husband after everyone else had gone, or at least been able to fucking stand without wobbling during the vows. But under the circumstances, it was perfect. It was “very them,” as Tamara often said.

“Well, it _is_ ,” she insisted a few hours later when Bex called her while Hackett was making takeout arrangements for dinner–the kitchen was still covered in flour. “It just… is. Your whole relationship has been like that, all chaotic and whirlwind-y.”

Bex grinned. “And I wouldn’t have it any other way.” The grin faded in an instant when a notification popped up on the screen. “You have got to be fucking kidding me.” She shook her head. “Dunno why I expected any fucking different.”

“What’s up?”

“Just… fuckers from the past making trouble, again.” She gave Tamara an apologetic smile that probably looked more like a grimace. “I gotta go, Tam. Give my love to Morgan and Mandy.”

“Good luck, and stay safe.”

Bex grinned. “You know me.”

“I do,” Tamara said with a laugh. “That’s why I said it.”

Bex stared at the screen for several seconds after Tamara had hung up. She’d known that seeing Ian’s idiots at the dock wouldn’t have been the end of it. They’d been there for a reason. But this… This was something unexpected.

“What’s wrong, my love?” Hackett wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he sat beside her. “You look like the world’s fallen out from under you.”

She shook her head and said nothing, letting the message on her omni-tool speak for itself:

> _Bar of Legends, back booth, half an hour. Come alone or you will regret it._

Hackett sighed deeply. “I suppose there’s no point trying to talk you out of going. But take Alenko or Williams with you. Preferably both.”

“I’m not going, Steven.”

“Oh?" He seemed more pleased than surprised. "What changed your mind?”

“This.” She held up her left hand and wiggled her fingers a bit. “I’m not letting those fuckers ruin my wedding night. Plus,” she grimaced as a twinge of pain shot through her leg, “my Spectre status is the only thing I’ve got going for me if it came to a fight or something.”

“And between you and them? It would definitely come down to a fight.”

“I’d fight them all day long, but I don’t want to get anyone else involved, possibly hurt, y’know?” She sighed and snuggled against him. “Last thing I need is a repeat of the fight that landed me in the Alliance in the first place, even if it would be so bloody satisfying to see them stuck in the brig while I walk out.”

“I can imagine.”

“Christ. I hope this doesn’t come back to bite me in the ass.” She slumped a little as she typed a quick response:

> _Fuck. Off._

“If it does, we’ll deal with it,” Hackett murmured as he held her close. “Together.”

Bex drew in a sharp breath as her omni-tool pinged almost immediately after she hit send, as if the person on the other end had been anticipating her response. Hackett’s arms tightened around her and he swore more vehemently than she could ever remember before as they read the short text together:

> _Wrong answer, Rebekah._

**Author's Note:**

> young Bex: http://foofyschmoofer.tumblr.com/post/101529741327
> 
> adult Bex: http://foofyschmoofer.tumblr.com/post/101529860472


End file.
